Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last week, I did NOT ignore strict instructions to remain "on campus" for the entire 3 hours of Shaun's Christmas play rehearsal, opting to finish up my Christmas shopping instead. I did NOT receive a cell phone call letting me know that said rehearsal was being dismissed...a full hour early! When I made it back to church, my child was NOT waiting on me at the front door of a nearly-empty church like some rejected orphan. I would never let that happen. NOT ME!

I did NOT have any reason to say this to my husband, as he was getting ready to take Shaun on an outing: "Don't you think he needs to change his clothes? He's been wearing that outfit since Thursday and its filthy!" I would never, never, ever let my children wear (and sleep) in the same clothes from Christmas Eve until the day after Christmas...no matter how hectic the season is. NOT ME!

I did NOT attempt to download an audio book onto my cell phone, only to realize too late that I really didn't know what I was doing. So, now I am NOT stuck with a book that I am having to read instead of listen to...on my cell phone. And I do NOT feel like a big dork about it. NOT ME!

Christmas was last Friday. So there's no reason whatsoever for my house to still be a disaster. I would never allow this mess to carry on for so long. And I would certainly never blog while I should be cleaning it up. NOT ME!

Memorable Moments...

...from our Christmas Candlelight Service last night:

* Shaun being sent to "makeup". This was quite funny. All the makeup he needed, as a shepherd, was some powder, lip balm, and a little bronzer. Apparently that was too much for his comfort zone. He looked up at the makeup artist through squinted eyes and, while she was applying his powder, whispered fiercely "You'd better not make me look like a girl".

* Chris' parents joined us for the service. Enough said. Huge answered prayer.

* My parents also joined us for the service. I hardly ever get to be in church with them, so I treasure every time.

* Jordan was in service with us, too, since there was no child care offered. I was a little nervous about this, but he was fine. A little wiggly, but that's it.

* Seeing Shaun up on the "big stage" looking calm and collected, doing what he was supposed to do, not nervous at all. Never mind that five thousand people were watching him. I'm so proud of him!

* Holding Jordan during the lighting ceremony and watching him hold his candle perfectly still with one hand and raise his other hand in praise, without being prompted.

* Almost having my hair burned when Jordan decided he'd been still long enough.

* Almost burning a hole in Jordan's sweater when he decided he wanted to "switch hips". This is harder than it sounds for one to accomplish when holding a burning candle.

* Listening to Shaun give his grandpa a little grief for drinking a beer when we went out to dinner afterwards. Not only the fact that he did this, but the WAY in which he did it...very loving, but matter of fact. I should take some lessons!

It was a great night. A wonderful way to celebrate our Savior's birth. Merry Christmas!

Love Them Like Jesus

"The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home
A child's broken heart
You're holding her hand
You're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
She's desperate for hope
Darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus
Carry her to him
His yoke is easy
His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her
And stay by her side

Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus"


I have a friend. She's lost the love of her life. Although her circumstances are a bit different than the one portrayed in this verse, they're similar, too. Her unborn child will be born in a few months without an earthly father. She's told me several times "My life is ruined. It will never be the same".

She's hurting. Grieving. Doesn't really like to be around people, so I haven't seen her since September. But my heart has been heavy with grief for her. When all this happened, I would dread calling her. Not because I didn't WANT to talk to her. But because I didn't know what to say. The first time we spoke, the night her husband was taken from her, she asked me "Why? Why would God do this to me? We were being faithful to Him. Why?". And of course, I muttered a soft, "I don't know".

I felt inadequate to even talk to her. And baffled. Because I REALLY DON'T KNOW why God would do this to her. Because she was right. They were doing everything right. They were humble. They were obedient. They were faithful. It doesn't make sense to me at all.

But...it doesn't have to. Make sense to ME, that is. Or even her, for that matter. No one will ever know the answer to that question, at least not on this side of Heaven.

So, I'm loving her like Jesus. I still strain for the "right" words to say when I talk with her. But there are no "right" words for this situation. I would love to be able to spout out some deep, knowledgeable insights that would wipe her pain away, but that's just not going to happen. So I check on her. Call her and send texts. Let her know that I love her, and that I'm praying for her. Even if she doesn't answer sometimes. She doesn't have to. Because there are no "right" ways to behave in situations like this.

I have always loved her. Now I'm just trying to love her like Jesus.

Trendy

I've always tried so hard to NOT be...trendy. From middle school on, I barreled in the opposite direction of everything that was liked by everyone else. Music, clothes, books. I purposefully marched to the beat of my own drum. It wasn't all bad. I found some GREAT music that way. Music that most people still haven't heard of and probably never will. I know. I'm too cool for words, right? RIGHT? Anyway.

But. My quest to be "untrendy" also had downsides. As it turns out, I was cheating myself out of some really good things. One being music. Apparently there was a reason that tons and tons of people liked Dave Matthews Band. And Alanis Morrisette. And Jewel, No Doubt, and Pink Floyd. Its good! I know, I know. Duh.

Fast forward 10 years. I used to still play the "untrendy" game. This led me to not totally love bands such as Mercy Me, Casting Crowns, and Third Day. Its not that I didn't like them. I did like the songs I heard on the radio. I just never took the time to listen to the others. And then I got an early Christmas present. My lovely iPhone. And on my iPhone is an iPOD. My Hubs took the liberty of downloading lots and lots of music for me. Some new stuff by little-known artists, but some albums from the "big guys". Mainly : Third Day, Mercy Me, and Casting Crowns.

Casting Crowns. Oh. My. Goodness. How on earth did I ever live without this music? I cannot stop listening. It has ministered to me so much this month. So here's a warning: If you DON'T love Casting Crowns, or you don't WANT to end of loving Casting Crowns, then DON'T read my blog for the next few weeks. Because I'm gonna be blogging and blogging about...you guessed it. Casting Crowns. The songs. The messages. What they mean to me. How they've helped and challenged me.

And how I'm not going to try to be "untrendy" anymore!

Something Right

It occurred to me today that I must be doing Something Right. This realization came in the nick of time! Its been a long week. Stressful and chaotic. I haven't gotten much accomplished in the school or housework department. The children have been "unruly". I haven't been able to sleep. I've been tired and grouchy and the kids have definitely been taking the brunt of my moodiness...and they've retaliated! I guess the old saying that "If Mama aint happy, aint no one happy" is really true.

I've felt like giving up. Throwing the towel in with this whole parenting thing. In the words of a friend, I felt "unqualified". Unqualified at raising "good" kids. Kids who aren't selfish. Who put themselves last and not first. Who are patient, kind, and loving. Not that my children are bad. But its just that I want them to be different. Set apart. I want the world to see Jesus through them. I thought I was missing the mark.

Then today came. And I saw Something Right.

Shaun performed with his homeschool group today at an assisted living home. He did so great! I was so proud. After the performance, the children ran into the audience, to their parents. The way all kids do. Shaun didn't come to me. I sat and watched in amazement as he, totally unprompted, walked up to an elderly resident and hugged her. He talked with her quietly. Listened to what she had to say. He hugged her again, and then moved on to someone else. Same routine. Hugs, soft words, smiles. I had tears in my eyes as I watched him make his way around the room, interacting with these precious people. As he loved on them. Ministered to them. And I have never been more proud. He did all of this before I could tell him what an awesome performer he was. Before I could hug him and tell him how great he was. He put himself last. Something Right.

So, it turns out I haven't missed the mark after all. I'm doing Something Right! I'm not trying to brag on myself. I know that I haven't really done anything except show my kids Jesus. I still make mistakes, lots of them, every day. But I've also got Something Right. Jesus. And my heart is filled with gratitude to Him.

He's gaining!

Weight, that is. Shaun's gaining weight. He's come a long way since last spring, when were were switching meds and having blood tests to see what was up with his weight loss. Since then, a lot has changed.

As most of you know, we've changed Shaun's (and our!) diet to accommodate his food sensitivities. This means that, for the most part, we are : wheat-free, milk-free, high fructose corn syrup-free, MSG free, food dye-free, white potato-free, grape-free, additive-free, preservative-free...and...medication-free! Since May. Yes, it has been tricky. And a pain. We've had screaming matches in the car over where we were NOT going to eat. And I'm sure I've hurt a few well-meaning people's feelings along the way. But it is so worth it.

He is a different child. He has self-control. He can control his anger. He no longer has seizures or mood swings. He isn't extremely hyperactive (most of the time! He's a boy...a little hyperactivity comes with the territory!) He's more out-going.

I wish Chris hadn't lost our camera cord so that I could post a picture of him. His skin tone is healthy. We can no longer count his ribs! He actually eats! His cheeks aren't sunken. He looks great! We've had to buy new pants because he couldn't button the old ones. What a wonderful problem to have, especially when I remember last spring, when he would literally not eat a bite all day long. He weighed 52 pounds back then. So skinny! I just weighed him and now he's up to...74 pounds!

He's healthy, too! Only one cold so far this winter. A huge improvement over winters past, when he'd have a runny nose and cough pretty much the whole winter. I'm so excited to take him in for his 10 year checkup in February. We haven't had the need to visit our doctor since May. I can't wait to see his reaction to all these improvements.

I owe it all to Dr Chris, our homeopathic specialist. And prayer. Of course prayer. I remember praying with Chris last spring for an answer. An answer that didn't involve adding new meds. We were literally watching our child waste away. I didn't realize just how bad he looked until a few weeks ago when I came across some old pictures. Anyway, we prayed hard for God's guidance on what to do. A few days later a friend gave me Dr Chris's name. We went for an appointment, and the rest is history.

I still have trouble believing that Shaun is on no medications and his "symptoms" are still being controlled. At one point he was on seven medications. SEVEN. No wonder he had no appetite! He was being treated for ADHD, Epilepsy, Bipolar Disorder, anxiety, and a sleeping disorder. Turns out the issues he was having were just reactions to certain foods.

Now, I know this may sound bad. But I'm so happy that those lablels are not attached to him anymore. I praise God for it every day. I also get irritated at doctors. Psychiatrists, especially. I don't understand why medication is always the first step in finding solutions for behavior disorders. My child is proof that there are better ways. More complicated ways, perhaps, but better for children. And parents....just because a doctor tells you your child needs medications does NOT mean that you have to do it! Especially psychiatrists. I had to learn this the hard way. Now, I know that some conditions do require medications, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. But sometimes, you need to go with your gut. I was told by our psychiatrist that Shaun would never be able to function normally without medication. And look at him now.

At the beginning of last year, I had started to research alternative solutions for behavioral issues. When I brought it up to Shaun's doctor, she laughed at me. That's right. She laughed and said that homeopathy was ridiculous and didn't work. If I had time, I would love to take Shaun for a visit. I wonder what she would have to say. But, I don't have the time to drive to Buford and wait three hours for a ten-minute appointment. So I'm thinking of sending her a letter instead. Nothing mean, just informative. But I probably will never find the time to do that, either!

So there you have it. I'm off my soap box now. But give me a little time and I'm sure I'll be right up back on it again!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am NOT (healthily) obsessed with The Twilight Saga. Nope. And since I'm NOT obsessed, my 9 year old son has NOT seen the movie and knows nothing about it. Therefore, I did NOT catch my children playing Twilight last week. It also goes without saying that I did NOT overhear these words coming out of my oldest son's mouth while I was eavesdropping on their "play acting" : "Jordan. You can be James. Just give me your arm so that I can throw you down and break the floor". After hearing these words, I most certainly did NOT heave a sigh of relief when I realized that Shaun is totally "Team Edward". NOT ME!

I did NOT adopt my * "Thursday" attire today. Just because I was so, so tired.

I always possess complete control of my children. So NO WAY would I ever turn a blind eye while my 3 year old ran around the house completely nude...just so that I could finish up Shaun's math lesson. NOT ME!

Organization is my middle name. I am totally on top of everything, all the time. So I would NOT forget to check the gas level in our Propane tank...until I felt the hot water run out in the middle of my shower. That's right, I would NOT let us run out of Propane on the coldest weekend of the season. NOT ME!

*See previous post

Blessings to you all!

Thursdays

On Thursdays, my hair will not be styled. I will most likely be wearing a hat with the brim pulled down over my face so that I'm somewhat unrecognizable. I will not be wearing makeup except what may be left over from the night before.

My clothes will be the same ones I wore to church the night before, if they're not dirty. I reason that since I only wore them a few hours the night before, this is okay.

There's a good reason for all this sloppiness: I'm just tired on Thursdays! Thursdays are our hardest days. We stay out late on Wednesday nights. We have church. Its 9 or 9:30 before we leave. Not because service is that long, but because we love our church family and spend time socializing afterwards. When we (finally) leave the building, we usually go eat. El Sombrero is our usual choice...the staff has come to expect us! We go with friends and eat and talk some more. Usually we close out the place.

We usually make it home around 10:30 or 11:00. Chris and I get the kids to bed. Chris goes to sleep himself. I do a load of laundry or read or Facebook because I'm too wired to sleep. I finally make it to bed, but then we have to be up and back at church for Shaun's performing arts class.

So, I'm tired. And maybe I'm a slacker, but I'd much rather spend an extra 30 minutes sleeping than drying my hair. That's just me. I used to stress about this. I even went so far as to try to rush home from church without interacting with anyone in order to get home and into bed earlier. But that doesn't work for us. We love our Wednesday nights. The kids do, too. So we're keeping things the way they are. We'll keep living it up on Wednesday nights and I'll keep looking disheveled and sleepy on Thursdays.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT scream like a scared girl in the Kroger parking lot last night when I was surprised by a well-meaning buggy boy who had walked behind my van to unload my groceries.

I did NOT feed my children leftover Thanksgiving food (again) for supper last night and then sneak off to Subway once they were asleep for Chris's and my own dinner. Because we were NOT sick to death of Thanksgiving food!

I did NOT find that grocery shopping is really enjoyable when listening to your ipod.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My husband did NOT volunteer us to host our family's Thanksgiving meal this year. He loves me and appreciates my lack of stress control, so he certainly did NOT also put me in charge of cooking the turkey. On that note, this will NOT be my first time cooking a turkey, and I am NOT clueless on how to go about it. I truly hope this meal will NOT be disgusting! And I'm NOT soooo relieved that my sis-in-law is bringing some ham...just in case!

While making lesson plans for Smith University's (my affectionate name for our home school) unit on Thanksgiving, I did NOT realize that I needed to brush up on the topic myself. So, I did NOT need to google "The First Thanksgiving" for information to fill in the gaps. Not Me!

I did NOT join the throngs of silly teenage girls seeing the movie "New Moon" over the weekend. While my friend and I were NOT at said movie, these things also did NOT happen:

*After dinner and finding ourselves with a little time to kill, my friend Jody and I did NOT
go to Publix to try to find the "New Moon" collectors edition of People magazine. And we
were NOT mad and disappointed when we failed.

*We did NOT arrive at the theater an hour early so that we would get good seats.

*The following words did NOT come out of one of our mouths when the line finally started
moving and some crazy teeny-boppers tried to break in line:
"Oh! These girls are running! GO! RUN!"

*It was NOT so entirely fun to act like a teenager again!

I did NOT have some friends over for a get-together last week. We did NOT stand outside and laugh so hard that my neighbors probably thought (incorrectly!) that we were drunk. I am also NOT incredibly grateful that "church ladies" can have so much fun.

I did NOT receive this text from my hubs during my get-together:
"Just wanted to tell you that I love you. And thanks for everything you do. I couldn't make it
without you.". These words did NOT make my heart skip a beat and my bones did NOT turn to mush. Sigh!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT oversleep this past Saturday and completely forget about Shaun's appointment for Karate pictures.

I did NOT become extremely upset that I missed the New Moon tour at The Mall of GA. I also did NOT immediately begin texting a friend of mine to commiserate with me. Please. We're almost 30 years old. Way too mature for such things.

I am NOT counting the days until I get to actually go see New Moon. Since my husband makes fun of my Twilight obsession, I did NOT make a "date" with a fellow Twilight obsessed friend of mine to see the movie. I am NOT super-crazy excited about it. Again, I'm almost 30 years old. I have way too much pride to act like a fan-crazed teenager.

I did NOT pick up my husband's phone and pretend to be him in a texting conversation while he was sleeping last night, just for fun. My plan did NOT backfire when said conversation became inappropriate. I did NOT go to bed wondering why grown men are so disgusting with each other.

I did NOT look the other way when Jordan dropped him gum on the floor, picked it back up, and returned it to his mouth yesterday at church. I also did NOT rationalize this in my mind by remembering that the cleaning crew had just cleaned/sanitized the floor a few days before. Not Me!

Breakdown

I had one today. Here's what happened:

We (Chris and I) were gathering up a truckload of junk to take to the landfill. When the truck was almost full, Chris said to me "Why don't you go into the laundry room and bring all those cans out?" Seems simple, right? I thought so, too. I went inside to the laundry room, and there they were.

The cans.

Jars would actually be a better word. Mason jars. Lots of them, full of canned vegetables. But not just any mason jars. My grandma's. I miss her. This seems kind of silly, now. The minute I saw them, a big lump lodged itself in my throat. These jars have been in my home since before we moved in, over 4 years ago. I walk by them, stacked neatly on their shelves several times every day while doing the wash. Stacked where Mamaw left them after canning season when she still lived here. When she was still alive.

Nevermind that the dates on the lids of the jars were from 2003. Nevermind that Mamaw herself had told me several times to throw those things out years ago. It still hurt. When I reached for the first jar and saw the date on the lid - Aug 4 2003- in her sweet squiggley handwriting, I lost it.

2003. Shaun was only 3 years old. We didn't live here then, but Shaun stayed here with his Mamaw while I worked. She had a garden every year. Shaun "helped" her with it. She loved taking care of him, and he loved her. She taught him so much and loved him so much. She showed him Jesus' love. Just like she did for me when I stayed here while MY mom worked.

Something about seeing her handwriting got to me, and it hit me all over again that she's gone. My grandma. My friend. My prayer warrior. I started crying and couldn't stop. I haven't cried like that over her in a long time. 6 months, at least. I called my mom, who offered to come over and take care of the jars for me. I refused, thinking I'd get it together eventually. And I did.

I miss her. I want her back.

But.

I know she wouldn't come back to us for anything. She's in Heaven, where she belongs. Loving every minute. What comfort to know we'll be there together one day.

I pulled it together and finished the task.

But I kept one jar. Its still on its shelf. Just to remind me.

Spiritual Warfare

Really. I'm so amazed at the prayers, phone calls, and encouraging words I've received this week in response to my previous post. I had no idea that so many people actually read this blog of mine. I'm humbled. I'm grateful. I'm blessed to have each of you in my life. And I have felt your prayers this week. Thank you!

Last week was...um...something else, to say the least. I've never gone through something like this before. And I'm nervous about writing about it now. Its gonna sound weird. But God brought me through it, and I feel like I need to share my experience. So here goes:

First of all, I need to be clear that I am a Christian. Jesus lives in me. I've been born-again, my sins are all forgiven, and I'm going to Heaven when I die. I'm sure of all this. But, about 2 weeks ago, something began to feel "off". Strange. I felt a presence around me 24-7. Not a good presence. It was extremely unnerving. It began to fill my head with thoughts. The best way I can think of to describe it is that it was almost like a whisper in my ear. I told you this was gonna be weird! For a week I listened to this "voice" tell me that:

I'm no good. I'm a horrible mother. I'm not capable of taking care of my children. I'm not qualified to homeschool my kids. I'm a horrible wife. My marriage was a mistake. My children were mistakes. My husband doesn't love me. I don't love my husband. We never should have gotten married. I'd be better off single. My children would be better off if I left. My parents would do a better job taking care of them than I do.

There were more, but those were the main thoughts going through my mind all day long. For a week. At first I just wrote it off as a bout of depression brought on by all the rain and gloomy weather. But then I started believing it. All of it. Crazy, I know. These thoughts consumed everything I did. I didn't eat. I didn't spend time with the kids. I didn't do housework. I neglected Chris. I began to resent the fact that I had a family, because it all just seemed wrong. I did go to church, but I wasn't "really there". I withdrew from everything. I wanted to be by myself all the time, and when I was alone, I would contemplate how I was going to break the news to Chris that I was leaving.

These feeling built and built. My mom sensed something was wrong and offered to watch the kids one night so that Chris and I could go out. I got really excited. Not because we were going on a date, but because I was finally going to be in a situation where I could tell him how I felt. And I did. Hence the "Regret" post.

Chris was hurt. Crushed is more like it. I will never forgive myself for causing him that kind of pain. We got back home and he told me he was going to sleep with the kids because he just didn't know what to say to me. So he did. I, on the other hand, did not sleep at all. I tossed and turned. I listened to the "voice" as it told me that what I'd done that night made me an even more horrible person than I was before. I cried and cried.

I started begging God to help me, and that's when it hit me: I hadn't prayed or read my Bible in over a week. I was astonished that so much time had passed since I had spent time with God. But it was true. I immediately started praying. Begging God to help me and forgive me for every false thought I'd entertained. Pleading with Him to restore the damage I'd done to my marriage. After I was done, I felt as if a boulder had been lifted off my chest. Things were going to be okay! I fell asleep around 4 a.m. and slept like a baby.

I didn't get to talk to Chris before he left for work the next day. I spent that day praying and taking stock of my life. How in the world could I have thought my children were mistakes? How could I have believed any of those lies for even one second? And oh goodness, what was I supposed to say to my husband. "I'm sorry" certainly wouldn't cover it.

I realized that I had been through spiritual warfare in its finest. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that the presence I felt was demonic. That I had literally been walking around with a demon whispering lies to me. I had been under attack. And it wanted to take my family down with me. The worst part is that I listened! I was ready to divorce my husband and leave my children. Crazy. That's when I got mad. Really mad. The devil and his little cohorts should have had no authority over me. I'd dropped the ball, big time. And I'd almost thrown everything away.

I went through my entire house praying. Denouncing any demonic presences. Telling them they had no authority over me, my family, or my marriage. My uncle, who was doing some repairs on the house, probably thought I was going nuts! I felt light as a feather. Better than I had in weeks.

I had to talk to someone, so I called one of my best friends and told her all about it. And she said "Wow, I knew something like that was going on. Your voice was different when I talked to you on Monday. We've been praying so hard". Wow.

And then Chris came home. We had a long talk. After apologizing again and again, I began the story with "Now I know you're gonna think I'm crazy..."

But he didn't. He'd known something was going on all week, too. When I told him I'd been harassed by a demon, his response was "Is it gone? Did you get it out of here?" Wow again. And- he forgave me.

So, that's been my life for the past 2 weeks. Weird, huh. I've never been through something like that, and I hope it never happens again. The devil knows our weaknesses and he'll use anything to betray us.

I was trying to think back to when this all started. I think it was a few weeks ago. The kids and I were having an awful morning. Shaun would not listen to a thing I said. He was being so difficult. And I vaguely remember wondering to myself what in the world I was doing. I was so busy that day that I didn't get my quiet time in. Ditto for the day after. And the day after that. Then the rain started. The weather always gets me down, and the kids get antsy when they can't go outside and get their energy out. I was so overwhelmed that day. And I believe that was all it took. The Bible tells us that Satan is "The father of lies". I believed it before, but I really believe it now!

But, like always, I made it through. God is good!

I feel the need to stress here that the devil is real. Demons are real. I know that some Christians don't like to think about this, but its true. The devil is real and he's after you. He knows you. He knows your habits, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Example: he definitely knows that self-esteem has never been my strong point. I really struggle with self-doubt. So, that awful morning when I began to second-guess my ability to homeschool gave him a way in. He's sneaky like that. And the fact that I was missing out on my "alone" time with God opened the door even wider.

I've learned my lesson. I know what's true: I'm doing what God has called me to do. With my kids, with my marriage. We're destined for great things. I will never take my eyes off Him again.

Regret

I said some things tonight that I regret. Hurtful things. If you know me, then you know that I am prone to "word-vomit" from time to time. And tonight, I really let it fly.

This is complicated. My emotions are swirling. I don't regret feeling the way I do, but I do regret making my feelings known. I pray I haven't done irreversible damage to an already fragile relationship.

Please pray for me.

Out of the mouths of 9 year olds

While driving home from Cleveland today, I overheard (or listened in on, if you really must know!) this conversation between my children, in the backseat:

Jordan: Is Mamaw dead?
Shaun: Yes, Jordan, she's dead.
J: Why? Who killed her?
S: No one killed her. She just got cancer. So she died.
J: But is she at the church?
S: No. Just her body's still at the church. In the ground. But her soul's up in Heaven. I'll be up
there one day.
J: Me too?
S: You'd better hurry and get saved, Jordan.

Even though I had to swallow the lump in my throat, I had to smile, too. Priceless!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I know that it is so irresponsible to place items of value in one's back pockets instead of securing them in a purse or wallet. So NO WAY did I do this anyway while at the mall last Friday. And, since I DIDN'T place my entire family's movie tickets in the back pocket of my jeans, there's NO WAY that I lost them.

I did NOT become totally addicted to the "Twilight" saga. I realize that there are, in fact, no such things as vampires or werewolves, and that it would be silly to get caught up in such a thing. So, I did NOT stay up way, way past my bedtime reading. NOT ME! I also did NOT show up for Bible study minus my Bible and workbook, but with my new copy of Twilight tucked down in my purse, for later reading at Chick- fil- a (while the children played on the playground). I did NOT sit through my Bible study hoping that no one would see my book sticking out of my purse. NOT ME!

I did NOT rush through my morning and lunchtime routines in order to get Shaun to his physical therapy appointment on time today. I did NOT actually make it there on time, for once. So, I was NOT unpleasantly surprised to learn that our therapist had to leave early today due to a problem with her own children. When this happened, the receptionist did NOT forget to call me and let me know. So...I did NOT simply shrug off this news, reason that everyone makes mistakes, and chalk the receptionist's oversight up to a "Case of the Mondays". NOT ME! I'm way too high-strung and over-emotional to let something like that go!

Get-Togethers

We've been "getting together" with old friends lately. And when I say "old", I'm referring to the amount of time we've known a particular friend. I am definitely not referring to the age of any one of these friends. Although one of us has recently officially become a grandma!

Anyway.

We spent Saturday night with our friends Ben and Jada. We love them and miss them so much that we drove clear across the state in the pouring rain just to spend the evening with them. Okay, so I'm exaggerating a little bit about the drive. But it was worth it! We had a wonderful dinner, and these great friends of ours even made a portion of Chicken Alfredo with rice noodles just for our boys. Wow. I can't tell you what that meant to me.

The food was great, but the company was better. This wonderful couple has become a source of encouragement and support for Chris and myself. And I just love Jada to death. What can I say about her? She just "gets" me. And I hope she feels that I "get" her. I am so blessed to have her as my sister in Christ. I absolutely cannot wait to see them again in December. And then again in January!

I did bring my camera along on Saturday night, but I didn't get many pictures. Here's one of some of the kids.



Today the kids and I met 2 of my childhood friends and their kids at the park. We had a great time! Even Shaun...who was not thrilled about playing with "babies"....was the perfect gentleman and was quickly adored by almost every child at the park! He was great with all the little ones.

I love the fact that Mandy, Kelli, and I grew up together. Not only that, but our parents have known each other for years. And now our kids are following in our footsteps. This is one of the good things about living in a small town. I'm already looking forward to next week, when we're getting together again.

Here are some pictures of our outing:

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I was NOT called the "Best Teacher in the World" by Shaun this week.

I did NOT walk outside to pick up a package from my mailman with my wet hair still wrapped up in a towel from my shower. And I most certainly did NOT rationalize this action my reasoning that at least I had clothes on.

We had a busy weekend. REALLY busy. We were out late and in bed way past our normal bedtimes and the children were so tired. But NOT tired enough that I would forgo the brushing of their teeth two nights in a row. No amount of sleepiness should take a toll on my children's dental health. So NO WAY would I choose to not pick this battle. Nope...NOT ME!

I am the wife of a worship leader. We take this calling seriously and are always reverent and respectful in our worship. So, there's no way that my sweet husband's band would get kicked out of the church they were invited to play at because their music was too loud. NO WAY! I would NOT marry that kind of man!

And lastly...I did NOT get squirted in the face with my homemade vinegar and lemon juice cleaning solution by my three year old. This son of mine did NOT do this to his wonderful mommy because he was mad and grouchy and didn't like what I had to say. I would never be that unreasonable! NOT ME!

Randomness

Here are some random things I did today:

Killed a ginormous, hairy spider in the bathroom.

Gave Shaun his math test. (He made a 93!)

Listened to a VERY interesting "Focus on the Family".

Took a bubble bath.

Sent my sweet husband to the store for "femenine products".

Rescued Jordan from the top of our truck.

Got my laundry pile down to ZERO.

Started to make dinner, only to realize that the particular dish I wanted to make takes an unbelievable 4 hours to make.

Fed my family some leftovers instead.

Walked to get the mail.

Watched the boys play in a big, huge, mud puddle on the way to the mailbox.

Stayed up way too late.

I wonder when...

...date night became dinner, a movie, and grocery shopping on the way home.

...Kroger decided to remain open 24 hours but decided that it was okay to NOT have a lane open
after midnight.

...Facebook became the number one means of communication between my family and myself.

Sigh.

There was a devil in my house...

...or at least there was a devil in my phone line.

A few nights ago, I was having an email conversation with a good friend of mine. A friend who I've been praying for for years. We were emailing about salvation. She had some questions and I was trying my best to answer them.

I had typed the best letter you've ever read explaining God's Plan of Salvation. This was harder than I expected. I take for granted the fact that I was raised in church and grew up having The Plan explained to me on a daily basis from the time I was a baby. I knew it had to be simple...I tend to over-complicate things and make them difficult to grasp.

So, there I was. In my bedroom, typing away, when it happened. My laptop lost its internet connection. I waited a few minutes and tried to connect again. I figured it was just the laptop having issues. But no. I still couldn't connect. Not only that, but my wonderful, God-breathed email was gone, too. Then Chris came in the room, asking if I had lost my internet connection. His connection upstairs had died, too. Apparently we were expecting an internet outage.

I cannot remember a SINGLE time this has happened since we've been living in our house.

I explained to Chris what I had been doing. We looked at each other and exclaimed : "The devil's in here!"

What else could it have been? Seriously. Which brought up another question in my mind: If Satan would go through that much trouble to keep me from sending that email, God must have SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL PLAN in store for my friend. I can just see it now. She WILL get saved, if she's not already. And if she HAS already been saved, then it won't be long before she rededicates her life and really begins to go after God. After that, there will be no stopping her. And that's got the devil scared. Real scared.

So, there was a devil in my house. Or at least in my phone line. But not to worry. We prayed him out. Our internet came back. I couldn't remember all of my letter, but a friend helped me out, and it was sent. So all's good.

Now I'll just sit back and watch what happens.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her/'>http://www.mycharmingkids.net">her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT force my 3 year old son to wear his female cousin's jeans out in public while we went to dinner the other night. This was NOT due to my neglecting to pack extra "accident clothes".

I am NOT seriously considering becoming a doula for some extra money.

I do NOT have a child with a 100 test average in math!

I love God and love going to church. I so look forward to church service on Sundays. So, there's NO WAY that I was so exhausted that I kept nodding off during yesterday's service. I also did NOT finally just get up and leave in the middle of the service, reasoning that I didn't know what Pastor was speaking about anyway. NOT ME!

I am a stay-at-home-mom and part of my job duty is keeping an orderly house. Therefore, I did NOT put off cleaning my bedroom for an entire year. That would be disgusting and unsanitary. And, because I did NOT wait so long between cleanings, I was NOT forced to spend my entire Labor Day cleaning my room. Nope! NOT ME!

Have a wonderful week!

The Smith Family's Weekend

Here's what we did this weekend:

Friday: We attended the Homeschool Kickoff Party at church. Chris led some worship, we all ate some tacos, and Shaun joined a Performing Arts group. We all had a great time. Chris and I had no idea we were in the midst of so many fellow homeschoolers on a weekly basis. Sweet!





Saturday: Sparring class in the a.m. Then we came home and cleaned, watched movies, and folded laundry. Then we decided to go to the park. We played a little on the swings and slide, then all three boys decided to play football...with lots of tackling!








After our park visit, we headed over to the grandparents' house, where my two children had way
too much fun with a hamper:






Now its Sunday. This weekend went way too fast!

Just call Erin...

I volunteer at church on Wednesday nights, in the children's ministry. Last night, right in the middle of the service, one of the other workers whispered into my ear "You need to go down to Jordan's class, just for a minute". I was full of chagrin because I had left my pager in my purse, which was in another room down the hall. So I quickly made my way to the preschool classrooms.

There sat Jordan, in the director's office, surrounded by women who were all giggling. I asked what was wrong and found out that my potty-trained 3 year old had had a "number 2 accident". In Jordan's words, he had "pooped in my underwear".

When one of the workers lovingly commented that if Jordan was big enough to tell them this, then he should be big enough to use the potty, my sweet 2nd-born looked at her and replied "Just call Erin. She'll change me!"

Needless to say, the staff got a kick out of that. It WAS funny, but it warmed my heart just a little. Its nice to know that my son knows that I love him unconditionally and will always take care of him...even when he poos in his brand new underwear!

What's for lunch?

I begin hearing these words around 10:00 am every day. Months ago, I had a ready-made answer: Sandwiches!

But not anymore. Shaun's wheat allergy has changed all that. Oh, I tried to keep making sandwiches work as a suitable lunch. I bought the rice bread. The rice bread that's really thick and dry and gritty. And costs 4 dollars for one small loaf. And that the kids wouldn't eat. So, no more sandwiches for us.

During the summer, I would cook a great meal for my boys at lunch time. Then, when our home school year started, I realized that I was wasting over an hour of my precious time cooking and cleaning up. Since my children still need to eat, despite how crunched for time I am, I came up with some quick, simply recipes that my children love. They're healthy, and I don't have to give the kids anything they shouldn't be eating. I'm really quite proud of myself. Here they are:

Mexican Beans and Rice (I made up this title)

white rice (kids are allergic to the brown)
black beans
salsa
Monterey Jack cheese

I just mix it all together and then top the mixture with some additional cheese. Then I bake it for awhile and its done. The kids eat this like its going out of style. I make a big casserole dish full, so we can eat on it for at least 2 days.


Pizza

Bob's Red Mill Gluten/Wheat Free pizza dough
flax mill and water (as an egg substitute for the dough)
tomato sauce (made without high fructose corn syrup)
ground beef
onion
Mozzarella cheese

I just make the dough, sautee the beef and onion, spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese and bake. One bag of Bob's Red Mill dough mix is enough for 2 huge pizzas. So, once again, we can eat this meal for more than one day. The great thing about this dough is that it tastes almost like thin-crust dough made from what. Its actually pretty good. And again-- my boys eat it like its going out of style.


Veggies and Mac and Cheese

2 boxes of rice mac and cheese mix
green beans (fresh or canned)
crowder peas or black eyed peas
any other kind of vegetable I have in the house

Mac and cheese has been a favorite food of Shaun's since...um...I guess since he could eat. Ditto on the crowder peas. My granny has fed him crowder peas from her garden since he was about 9 months old. They're delicious and full of protein. I was so thrilled to find boxes of quick mac and cheese made from white rice noodles. Just like Kraft, only the kids can eat it. Its also really good. You can detect a difference in the noodles. Not a bad difference, just a difference. I also mix in some ground flax seed for additional nutrition. Served with vegetables, this is a quick and nutritious meal.


There you have it. What we've had for lunch this week. Not quite as easy as slapping some ham and cheese sandwiches together, but not too difficult either.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I did NOT become a home schooling parent last week. I was not extremely nervous about is, and it did NOT go extremely well (for the most part).

I did NOT get the run-around from the school system again today when I took Shaun to his old elementary school to officially withdraw him. The wonderful office staff there did NOT disappoint me with the same rudeness and lack of knowledge I experienced last year. Once our withdrawal was complete, Shaun and I did NOT practically skip with joy as we made our way back to the car.

This past week it did NOT become apparent that I do NOT have a green thumb. I have NOT been waiting in anticipation for my first tomato harvest for the entire summer. And, since I love fresh, homegrown tomatoes, I was NOT completely disappointed when THIS is all my many plants have produced so far:


The larger tomato on the far left is NOT a store-bought Roma tomato.

I am NOT about to become an aunt again in 3 short weeks. And my sister/best friend is NOT naming her new baby boy after me.

Chris and I did NOT lose Jordan at church yesterday. After he was found, Jordan did NOT get his little hiney spanked really hard by his two frantic/terrified/relieved parents for running away and hiding from us in order to sneak back outside to the play ground. Nuh-uh. No way. That would NEVER happen!

Have a great week!

Parties!

Our family spent the day going to parties today. At least, 3 of us did. Shaun decided to stay with my parents, opting out of Jordan's friend Destiny's 5th birthday party. He was missed, but I know he still had a good time.

Here are some pictures from today:

We started out at Free Chapel, for Destiny's 5th birthday party.

Here's the birthday girl. I met Destiny back when she was 3 years old in my class at church.

These sweet girls were guests at the party, and also my former "students". I love them all!



Jordan was pretty much the only boy his own age at this party. I don't think he liked that too well. Which is why he spent most of his time by himself.




After we said goodbye to Destiny and her wonderful family, we headed across the street to our friend Naysia's "Berry Bound Celebration". I met Naysia last summer during Summer Xtreme. We hit it off and became great friends, in spite of our age difference. Maybe that's because I'm not very mature! She was also one of Jordan's teachers at church, last year when he was two years old. Our family has become so attached to Miss Naysia and we'll miss her so much!

Here I am with Naysia.


I think that Jordan was more than just a little tired out from Destiny's party by the time we arrived at Naysia's. That's why he was doing this:

And this:


And this:



He even had the nerve to snub the guest of honor!


Can you tell he's trying his best to wriggle out of her arms?!

He was one grouchy dude...until we gave him some cake. Then he sat quietly, happy and content, for a good 15 minutes.








We were feeling kind of sorry for Shaun because he missed out on such a great time today. Then we got back to my parents' house and saw that Shaun and my nieces were having a party of their own:





We finally called it a night after eating dinner with the family. What a great day!

They're perfect for me!

I had a rough day today. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe the kids were tired or bored. Or maybe I just need to send them to reform school. For whatever reason, my children were definite challenges today.

Shaun wouldn't listen. Or concentrate. Or obey. Or do any schoolwork without whining and crying. Jordan was just as bad. He cried. He whined. He pestered his big brother. And yes-- he pee'd in the floor. The home schooling daily schedule that I had so tediously planned out was slashed to smithereens as my kids tested and tried me in every way they could.

All of this, plus a bout of apparent PMS had me questioning everything. At one point, I was actually tempted to look up the phone number of Shaun's old elementary school and tell them that he'd be there tomorrow! I really felt like throwing in the towel with this whole home schooling thing.

Okay, so I knew going in that this wouldn't be easy. I knew beforehand (from trying to accomplish homework last year) that getting Shaun to hunker down and do some boring old school work was going to be tough. I knew he has trouble paying attention and would take longer to complete some tasks. I knew I would have to practice patience- lots of it!

I'll just have to start tomorrow!

We finally made it through the day and on to karate. During the drive my mind replayed our day. All the failures. All of my mistakes. Then the pity party began. I started again asking God all of the same old questions. Mainly, "Why can't my kids be like everyone else?"

Then came the answer. Right in my ear, clear as a bell, God whispered to me "They may not be perfect, but they're perfect for you."

Wow. How true. Now, I did NOT understand this to mean that my kids aren't perfect in God's eyes. Of course they are. My Heavenly Father just chose those words to communicate to me that He formed my two boys exactly the way He wanted my kids to be. And He thought we'd be a perfect match. My whole outlook on the day changed. What a humbling experience.

So, I'm heading into tomorrow with a new outlook. Of course Shaun's study habits and behaviors won't be perfect...but with God's grace we'll work around them and find what works perfectly for us.

Surreal

I've been feeling "surreal" this week. Its so strange to be relaxed and taking it easy while everyone around me is in a panic about their kids going back to school. I don't think I really realized that summer was over for most people.

Shaun and I have been working on some review stuff, but I haven't ordered his "official" curriculum yet. I'll do it this week. Or next. We're not "officially" starting the "School of Smiths" until September, when Jordan goes back to preschool. I just thought it may be easier that way.

Although I don't have all of our materials, I DO have: a schedule, some extra curricular stuff planned with the home school group from church, a work space for us, and some school supplies. So, even though I'm not as ready as I feel like I need to be, I'm still on the right track. And I WILL be totally ready by the first week in September.

One major thing that I DON'T have yet that I really should have taken care of before now is our "intent to home school" form. I went to the Board of Ed to get one yesterday and was told to go to another location clear across town. I didn't have time for that, so I called the number I was given yesterday to request the form. The nice lady I spoke with told me that I needed to take Shaun to his former school next week and formally withdraw him. I called the school to set up a time and was told that I just needed to "call the Board of Ed and let them know my plans". Soooo, I called the Board back and was told I needed to let the school know....yes, I was getting the run-around! I finally got it straightened out, but really, you'd think I was the ONLY parent who decided to home school this year...and I know for a fact I'm not!

Like I said, we've been reviewing for a few weeks. Usually when Jordan goes down for his nap, Shaun and I work on school stuff. Mostly math, language arts, and reading. I've been pleasantly surprised with what he's retained. And I'm still feeling good about our decision. I just need to get in gear!

What I like about him...

I ran into a friend today at church. She's my friend now, but we met at the pediatrician's office, where she worked as a nurse for the kids' doctor. The doctor who I absolutely love. Who takes such wonderful care of my children. Who listens to me and takes me seriously when something's going on with one of the kids. THAT doctor.

We started talking in the hallway today, and she mentioned how GREAT Shaun is looking these days. (And he so totally is!) I mentioned that Shaun is off all medications and has been healthy all summer. (Hooray!)

Anyway, all of that lead to THIS conversation:

Her: Dr O's nurse left again.
Me: Really, who?
Her: D
Me: Hmm, I don't think I know her. I haven't been in the office all summer.
Her: Yeah, she was new.
Me: Why can't he keep a nurse?
Her: Um, well, he's kind of difficult to work with.
Me: Really? Tell me what you mean.
Her: He's a great pediatrician. He's just very demanding. He wants everything done RIGHT
NOW.
Me: (Laughing) That's the reason we love him!

And its true! We love our pediatrician. Not only is he super nice (to us!), but we "get" each other. He takes me seriously and never makes me feel like I'm over-reacting. He gets the job done. He'd rather find out what's causing a problem and rule out anything more serious that just wait around to see what happens. If he ever moves, we'll have to move with him, because I refuse to go on another doctor search. And he doesn't downplay the power of prayer. We've found the right one! He's the one for us! We'll be with him forever...unless he gets tired of us and our many "unique" issues and kicks us out. Surely that won't happen.

I have the same feelings toward our pharmacist. I'll blog about him tomorrow!

On peeing on the floor.

Jordan just peed on the floor AGAIN. While I was cooking lunch. I caught him midstream and asked him what he was doing. His response? "No, no, I don't need a spanking". He got one anyway. And now he's taking a long time out. I need to shampoo the rug in our living room. Its starting to smell like we have a puppy in the house. Will this season EVER pass?

The Strong-willed Child

This is my Jordan. Age 3.5 years. Otherwise known as The Strong-willed Child. He is younger brother to Shaun, who, until recently, held the title of Most Strong-willed Child in North Georgia. I have now passed this title on to Jordan. Don't let the meek, innocent look fool you. Although the J-Man is sweet, loving, and precious, he is also the PICTURE of a Strong-willed Child.

This hasn't all come about overnight. No, we've always known Jordan has a strong will. It just seems that the older he gets, the stronger his will becomes. I know a lot of this is related to the fact that he's a boy. And, in a way, I'm GLAD he's hyper-active and action packed. What mom wants a sissy-fied boy? Not me. But I also know that Jordan needs boundaries. Discipline. Extra attention. He needs to know who's boss and he needs to follow the rules. This is where we're having problems. Not the rules part- he knows the rules. He knows right from wrong. He just doesn't seem to care if he follows the rules or not- even though he gets punished for breaking them.

For example:

Wearing clothes. Jordan hates to wear clothes. Because he's a boy, and because he doesn't sweat, I do not insist that he wear a shirt when we're around the house. Underwear and shorts is fine with me. I lost count of the times today that I made him put his shorts and undies back on. I also lost count of the number of times I saw his naked bottom streaking though our house. We've spanked (using hands, belts, and hickories). We've used time-outs. We've taken toys away. And he STILL tries to get away with not wearing clothes.

Urinating in the floor. Yes, I actually said that. My potty-trained 3 year old pees in the floor. He's done it twice today. He knows that pee and poo go in the potty. He knows not to pee in the floor. After he did this today, I took him to his room, spanked him, and gave him a time-out. Then I asked him if he knew why he was being punished. He looked at me and said "Because I pee pee'd on the floor". I asked him if he knew where pee was supossed to go. His reply was "In the potty". What do I do? As I said before, he DOES get punished for doing this. He has received 2 HARD spankings today for this. He understands that its wrong, and if he does it he'll get punished. And he chooses to do it anyway.

These are just a few of the struggles we're dealing with. Now, what do I do about it? For sure, I'm praying. For Jordan and for myself. As I said earlier, a part of me is glad Jordan has a strong will. He'll need it as he grows older, to survive. Especially once he becomes a Christian. But he also must learn to respect authority and to follow rules. I know God has given me strong-willed children for a reason. Its my job to train them up. Its so scary to think about how the parenting choices I make will effect what kinds people my boys grow up to be.

I need to find the balance between breaking Jordan's will and disciplining him. I'm praying for answers that I know will come. In the meantime, I'm keeping on keeping on. And thanking God for blessing me with a wonderful, loving, hyper, mischievious, action-filled little boy. Times two!

Our Weekend

This weekend was fabulous. Oh, how I wish I could find the cable thingy for my camera. I'd love to post some pictures. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to break down and buy one.

Saturday: Went to visit my sister and her family at their campsite. On the way there, we stopped for ice at this store that is "The Home of the White Bat". Now, I have driven by this store so many times on the way to the mountains and I've always wanted to stop in and see the famous White Bat. I got my wish. I walked into the store and found a little black box with an eye hole thing under a sign that read something like "Look here to see the white bat. Shhh...the white bat and her babies are sleeping!" Barely able to contain my excitement, I skipped over and had a look-see into that black box and saw....are you ready for this? A large white BASEBALL bat surrounded by five or six smaller (baby) white BASEBALL bats. Wow. Even though my sister had already warned me about this, I was beyond disappointed. And then I had a good laugh. We went on to the campsite and had a wonderful time.

Sunday: We had a relatively calm Sunday morning, which doesn't often happen for us. We have to be at church at 7:30 am. We're not morning people. The devil really loves to use these things against us on Sunday mornings. Shaun and Chris were out until 2 am the night before. Jordan played his "sleep-fighting" game until 1 am. We all still had to be up by 6, and we made it out the door by 7 without any bloodshed or tears. Amazing! I was able to rearrange my schedule to be able to hear Chris lead worship and speak at Kidpak. He did a great job, as usual. Afterwards, we went out to lunch with some friends. We had a great time of fellowship with some old friends and we got to know some newer friends better. Nothing better than that. All of the children sat at one end of the table and behaved themselves- for the most part.

After lunch we went home and assembled Jordan's new bike. We watched him fly around on it for a while before we had to go back to church to pick up some things. After THAT, the boys were starving again and since we had practically no groceries in the house, we went out to dinner together. On the way home, I stopped at Kroger and picked up some groceries while everyone else waited in the truck.

Came home, and Chris and I put the kids in the bed and attempted to watch "Roxanne". This is an old 80's movie starrring Steve Martin. It was recommended to us and was supossed to be super funny, but I was super disappointed in it. So was Chris. About half-way through, we went to bed ourselves.

So there you have it. Our weekend. Nothing special. Just normal. The way I like it.

How much He loves me.

Last week in California, I dipped my toes into the Pacific Ocean. It was surreal for me. I honestly thought I'd never get to see ocean on the West Coast. Why would I? Its across the country from me and my family and I have never been big travelers. I think until last week, the farthest I'd ever been away from Georgia is North Carolina. Its not that I don't think I'd like to travel. We simply don't have the finances for that kind of thing.

Anyway, while walking down Laguna Beach, I was marveling to Chris about seeing the Pacific Ocean. It is truly beautiful. Very different from any beach I've seen before. Later on, on the ride to the airport to go home, Chris commented to Dr Rich, who was driving us, that I thought I'd never see the Pacific Ocean. Dr Rich just laughed his infectious laugh, looked back at me (while hurtling the van through crazy Los Angeles traffic) and said, "See how much God loves you, Erin?".

Indeed. The whole trip was a total God thing. He knew how much I needed a break. He knew how much our marriage needed a renewal. He knew that we couldn't afford a trip like that and gave us a FREE vacation to California. Just in time to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Well, it was a little early for that, but that's okay! He loves me that much! I never dreamed that God had this much in store for us when He moved us to our current church.

I will never forget this trip. I'm so thankful to God for giving it to us, and to our church for allowing me to go. I'm grateful for the new friends in Christ I made. They showed us amazing hospitality...I felt right at home, which is odd for me. It usually takes me awhile to warm up to new people.

It was a great trip. I learned so many things. But the most important thing I learned, I already knew. God loves me. Really. Sometimes, during the hectic and not-so-fun moments in my life, I forget. But He still loves me. And He always will. Thank you, Dr Rich, for giving me that reminder.

Dancing in the Rain

Today, we danced in the rain. Or at least the kids did. They also played on the swings, slid down slides, rolled down hills and slung mud around. It was great! I was jealous that I couldn't do it, too. I really wanted to, but I had to go into the grocery store afterwards.

My sister and I decided to take the kids to the park today. Wouldn't you know it started raining RIGHT when we got there. So we let them play in the rain. I've never been so sorry to not have my camera. Watching our kids in that rain was priceless. I'm so glad we chose today to go to the park.

The rain was not all good, though. When walking into the grocery store after we left the park, I slipped in a puddle of rain in the parking lot and fell. Mortified, I skulked back to Lori's van to...I'm not sure why I went back there. For some sympathy, I guess. I managed to make it back into the store, but on the way back out...yep. Fell again. In the same spot. And I actually thought my clumsiness was getting better.

Bad dream

Terrifying is more like it. Here it is:

I'm at a busy gas station in a bad part of town with Shaun and Jordan. I had to part at the end of the parking lot, far away from the entrance to the store. Jordan was sleeping, so I decided to just leave him in the car while Shaun and I went inside to pay. I also left my keys in the floor board. After paying, I came outside to find that my car was gone. Someone had stolen it, with Jordan inside. Police were called, but no one could find him.

It finally came to the point where we needed to plan a memorial service. Chris was not in this dream, but my parents were. We were all leaving the police station and my dad said we needed to stop by the funeral home to plan a service, since it had been so long and Jordan was still missing. I clung to my mom, begging her to please not make me go to the funeral home to plan my baby's memorial service.

I don't remember exactly how this dream ended, but it wasn't good. I felt raw terror to my core. And despair. I've never really understood what it meant to feel despair, but I felt it during this dream. Hopeless. Out of control. I'm not sure why God allowed me to have this dream. Maybe to give me compassion. I know this was only a dream, but I feel like I now understand what it feels like to lose a child, or to have my child abducted.

I woke up and prayed over my children like I've never prayed before. Please God- protect them. Protect all children, and all parents. I pray your hand of protection to cover us.

I'm leaving!

But only for the weekend. With my husband. And without my children.

God worked it out so that Chris and I get a weekend away together. We haven't had that since our honeymoon, and we need some alone time desperately, to see if we still like each other! Kidding. Seriously though, we lead such busy lives that its hard for us to stay connected the way we need to. I'm so thankful for this trip. And thankful that I have parents who are willing to rearrange their lives for 4 days just to watch my children.

At twenty-eight years old, I'll board my first airplane tomorrow. Hard to believe, I know. This week has been so stressful and I've been so grouchy, but I'm really starting to get excited now. Never mind the fact that I haven't packed a thing and that I'll probably be up all night getting ready. Its gonna be great!

Changing subjects now. I had a great meeting with Shaun's "team" from public school. They were so wonderful to do his testing, etc over the summer for us. Shaun will still be eligible for services when we begin home schooling in August. I expected some resistance from the school system, but they were so supportive and seem so willing to work with me to help Shaun succeed. Thank you, God. Another answered prayer.

Gotta go get to packing now!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT get pulled over by a police man for "failing to maintain my lane". Said police man also did NOT ask me if I'd been drinking.

I did NOT forget to include a pair of underwear with Jordan's change of clothes when we went to play at my sister's house. He is completely potty trained (except for at night) and did NOT have an accident while we were there. I totally did NOT simply put a pair of my niece's Dora the Explorer panties on him, reasoning that they were sort of manly because they were blue. And I did NOT take poor Jordan to church that way, since we didn't have time to go home for new underwear. Not Me!

I did NOT order my salad with fried chicken while at Chick-fil-a today with my kids, my sister, and her girls. My children are wheat sensitive and can only have grilled nuggets, so that's totally what I eat, too.

Afterward at Target, I let the boys each pick a treat from the "dollar aisle". Of course Shaun wanted to open his, and of course I let him. Five minutes later, he did NOT change his mind about the toy and want to pick another one. I'm all for maintaining discipline in my family, so I did NOT let him make the switch and leave the discarded toy and wrapper right there in the dollar aisle. No way, NOT ME!