Terrifying is more like it. Here it is:
I'm at a busy gas station in a bad part of town with Shaun and Jordan. I had to part at the end of the parking lot, far away from the entrance to the store. Jordan was sleeping, so I decided to just leave him in the car while Shaun and I went inside to pay. I also left my keys in the floor board. After paying, I came outside to find that my car was gone. Someone had stolen it, with Jordan inside. Police were called, but no one could find him.
It finally came to the point where we needed to plan a memorial service. Chris was not in this dream, but my parents were. We were all leaving the police station and my dad said we needed to stop by the funeral home to plan a service, since it had been so long and Jordan was still missing. I clung to my mom, begging her to please not make me go to the funeral home to plan my baby's memorial service.
I don't remember exactly how this dream ended, but it wasn't good. I felt raw terror to my core. And despair. I've never really understood what it meant to feel despair, but I felt it during this dream. Hopeless. Out of control. I'm not sure why God allowed me to have this dream. Maybe to give me compassion. I know this was only a dream, but I feel like I now understand what it feels like to lose a child, or to have my child abducted.
I woke up and prayed over my children like I've never prayed before. Please God- protect them. Protect all children, and all parents. I pray your hand of protection to cover us.
1 comment:
Just reading that mortified me, Erin! Did you hug Jourdan more that day? Grab more snuggles? Several days ago, I sobbed after viewing various baby and toddler pictures of the girls. It broke my heart that ALL this time had gone by so quickly, and I can't remember most of it (because I stay busy and stressed out). This week- I've stayed home, and I've done NOTHING in hopes of focusing on the growth of my girls. It's still so hard to be 'the mom' I so desire to be. I feel like I've lost so much time to enjoy and savor their sweet innocence. Ah. SOB! Thanks for sharing that, Erin. It's a sobering reality to how quickly are kids are 'snatched' up out of their youth.
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