Satan's attacks. I'm tired of them. Especially his attacks on marriage. Just today, I heard news that 3 couples I know are either separating or divorcing. Three! In one day. And these are Christian couples, too. Each couple currently has or is expecting children. And their marriages are ending.
Its late. After midnight. And I've had a long day, so forgive me if this is jumbled and random and full of grammatical errors. But I have to write, because I'm mad. Fuming MAD at the devil. I. Hate. Him. I hate what he's doing to marriages.
The three couples I know? They're as different as night and day. They come from different steps on the social ladder. They are different ages. Have different interests. They do have one thing in common, though. The issue behind each separation is pornography. Yup. The big "P" word. I know, I know. These are Christians! Christians don't struggle with porn! Wrong!
A few weeks ago, I found one of those "read through the Bible" programs. This one goes through the Bible chronologically. I'm currently reading in Job. I read this passage earlier in the week. Job 1:6-7 from The Message Bible:
One day, when the angels came to report to God, Satan, who was the Designated Accuser, came along with them. God singled out Satan and said, "What have you been up to"? Satan answered God, "Going here and there, checking things out on earth".
Wow. Did you hear that? Satan is here...where WE are...checking things out. Checking US out! He knows our weaknesses. Our strengths. Our addictions. He hates marriage. He's out to destroy it. And he's using pornography to accomplish this goal.
I'm going to be completely honest. About 8 years ago, Chris and I struggled with this in our marriage. I know how this can rip a couple apart. The anger. The hurt. The distrust. Thank God, He delivered us from this and healed our marriage. It was hard. Touch and go for awhile. But we made it.
Anyway. I'm mad. I'm mad at the men (and women) who do this and think it doesn't affect their relationships. I'm mad at the devil, who took something meant for GOOD and twisted it into something sinful. I'm just plain mad.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Not Me! Monday
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
Hmm. This week must NOT have been extremely boring and mundane, since I can't really seem to think of any good NOT ME'S. But, I'll give it a try anyway.
I did NOT get to take a two hour Sunday afternoon nap yesterday. And it was NOT as wonderful and amazing as I remembered Sunday afternoon naps to be.
While at a marriage conference over the weekend, my Hubs and I did NOT agree to go on a 7 Day Sex Challenge. I am NOT turning a little red as a type this- I'm a married woman, after all!
I am NOT getting extremely sick of all this cold weather. Not being able to get outside in the sunshine is NOT causing me to seriously consider calling up the doctor and asking for some Zoloft. That being said, I did NOT wake up this morning and check the Weather Channel application on my phone first thing, before I even got out of bed. And I was not deliriously happy to see that next weeks weather is looking a lot warmer...highs in the upper fifties!
I am NOT determined to accomplish all of our homeschool goals this week. This is NOT such a big deal because we're on top of things and always accomplish our goals. Ahem. Or something like that.
I did NOT decide that our family needs to invest in a housekeeper. Chris did NOT agree with me and tell me to start making some calls to find someone. Then, we did NOT both change our minds when we visited some friends last night, reasoning that if the D family can manage to keep things reasonably orderly and homeschool all of their seven children, I should not have any trouble doing the same for our family of four. Sigh.
Have a blessed week!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Spiritual Warfare
Really. I'm so amazed at the prayers, phone calls, and encouraging words I've received this week in response to my previous post. I had no idea that so many people actually read this blog of mine. I'm humbled. I'm grateful. I'm blessed to have each of you in my life. And I have felt your prayers this week. Thank you!
Last week was...um...something else, to say the least. I've never gone through something like this before. And I'm nervous about writing about it now. Its gonna sound weird. But God brought me through it, and I feel like I need to share my experience. So here goes:
First of all, I need to be clear that I am a Christian. Jesus lives in me. I've been born-again, my sins are all forgiven, and I'm going to Heaven when I die. I'm sure of all this. But, about 2 weeks ago, something began to feel "off". Strange. I felt a presence around me 24-7. Not a good presence. It was extremely unnerving. It began to fill my head with thoughts. The best way I can think of to describe it is that it was almost like a whisper in my ear. I told you this was gonna be weird! For a week I listened to this "voice" tell me that:
I'm no good. I'm a horrible mother. I'm not capable of taking care of my children. I'm not qualified to homeschool my kids. I'm a horrible wife. My marriage was a mistake. My children were mistakes. My husband doesn't love me. I don't love my husband. We never should have gotten married. I'd be better off single. My children would be better off if I left. My parents would do a better job taking care of them than I do.
There were more, but those were the main thoughts going through my mind all day long. For a week. At first I just wrote it off as a bout of depression brought on by all the rain and gloomy weather. But then I started believing it. All of it. Crazy, I know. These thoughts consumed everything I did. I didn't eat. I didn't spend time with the kids. I didn't do housework. I neglected Chris. I began to resent the fact that I had a family, because it all just seemed wrong. I did go to church, but I wasn't "really there". I withdrew from everything. I wanted to be by myself all the time, and when I was alone, I would contemplate how I was going to break the news to Chris that I was leaving.
These feeling built and built. My mom sensed something was wrong and offered to watch the kids one night so that Chris and I could go out. I got really excited. Not because we were going on a date, but because I was finally going to be in a situation where I could tell him how I felt. And I did. Hence the "Regret" post.
Chris was hurt. Crushed is more like it. I will never forgive myself for causing him that kind of pain. We got back home and he told me he was going to sleep with the kids because he just didn't know what to say to me. So he did. I, on the other hand, did not sleep at all. I tossed and turned. I listened to the "voice" as it told me that what I'd done that night made me an even more horrible person than I was before. I cried and cried.
I started begging God to help me, and that's when it hit me: I hadn't prayed or read my Bible in over a week. I was astonished that so much time had passed since I had spent time with God. But it was true. I immediately started praying. Begging God to help me and forgive me for every false thought I'd entertained. Pleading with Him to restore the damage I'd done to my marriage. After I was done, I felt as if a boulder had been lifted off my chest. Things were going to be okay! I fell asleep around 4 a.m. and slept like a baby.
I didn't get to talk to Chris before he left for work the next day. I spent that day praying and taking stock of my life. How in the world could I have thought my children were mistakes? How could I have believed any of those lies for even one second? And oh goodness, what was I supposed to say to my husband. "I'm sorry" certainly wouldn't cover it.
I realized that I had been through spiritual warfare in its finest. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that the presence I felt was demonic. That I had literally been walking around with a demon whispering lies to me. I had been under attack. And it wanted to take my family down with me. The worst part is that I listened! I was ready to divorce my husband and leave my children. Crazy. That's when I got mad. Really mad. The devil and his little cohorts should have had no authority over me. I'd dropped the ball, big time. And I'd almost thrown everything away.
I went through my entire house praying. Denouncing any demonic presences. Telling them they had no authority over me, my family, or my marriage. My uncle, who was doing some repairs on the house, probably thought I was going nuts! I felt light as a feather. Better than I had in weeks.
I had to talk to someone, so I called one of my best friends and told her all about it. And she said "Wow, I knew something like that was going on. Your voice was different when I talked to you on Monday. We've been praying so hard". Wow.
And then Chris came home. We had a long talk. After apologizing again and again, I began the story with "Now I know you're gonna think I'm crazy..."
But he didn't. He'd known something was going on all week, too. When I told him I'd been harassed by a demon, his response was "Is it gone? Did you get it out of here?" Wow again. And- he forgave me.
So, that's been my life for the past 2 weeks. Weird, huh. I've never been through something like that, and I hope it never happens again. The devil knows our weaknesses and he'll use anything to betray us.
I was trying to think back to when this all started. I think it was a few weeks ago. The kids and I were having an awful morning. Shaun would not listen to a thing I said. He was being so difficult. And I vaguely remember wondering to myself what in the world I was doing. I was so busy that day that I didn't get my quiet time in. Ditto for the day after. And the day after that. Then the rain started. The weather always gets me down, and the kids get antsy when they can't go outside and get their energy out. I was so overwhelmed that day. And I believe that was all it took. The Bible tells us that Satan is "The father of lies". I believed it before, but I really believe it now!
But, like always, I made it through. God is good!
I feel the need to stress here that the devil is real. Demons are real. I know that some Christians don't like to think about this, but its true. The devil is real and he's after you. He knows you. He knows your habits, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Example: he definitely knows that self-esteem has never been my strong point. I really struggle with self-doubt. So, that awful morning when I began to second-guess my ability to homeschool gave him a way in. He's sneaky like that. And the fact that I was missing out on my "alone" time with God opened the door even wider.
I've learned my lesson. I know what's true: I'm doing what God has called me to do. With my kids, with my marriage. We're destined for great things. I will never take my eyes off Him again.
Last week was...um...something else, to say the least. I've never gone through something like this before. And I'm nervous about writing about it now. Its gonna sound weird. But God brought me through it, and I feel like I need to share my experience. So here goes:
First of all, I need to be clear that I am a Christian. Jesus lives in me. I've been born-again, my sins are all forgiven, and I'm going to Heaven when I die. I'm sure of all this. But, about 2 weeks ago, something began to feel "off". Strange. I felt a presence around me 24-7. Not a good presence. It was extremely unnerving. It began to fill my head with thoughts. The best way I can think of to describe it is that it was almost like a whisper in my ear. I told you this was gonna be weird! For a week I listened to this "voice" tell me that:
I'm no good. I'm a horrible mother. I'm not capable of taking care of my children. I'm not qualified to homeschool my kids. I'm a horrible wife. My marriage was a mistake. My children were mistakes. My husband doesn't love me. I don't love my husband. We never should have gotten married. I'd be better off single. My children would be better off if I left. My parents would do a better job taking care of them than I do.
There were more, but those were the main thoughts going through my mind all day long. For a week. At first I just wrote it off as a bout of depression brought on by all the rain and gloomy weather. But then I started believing it. All of it. Crazy, I know. These thoughts consumed everything I did. I didn't eat. I didn't spend time with the kids. I didn't do housework. I neglected Chris. I began to resent the fact that I had a family, because it all just seemed wrong. I did go to church, but I wasn't "really there". I withdrew from everything. I wanted to be by myself all the time, and when I was alone, I would contemplate how I was going to break the news to Chris that I was leaving.
These feeling built and built. My mom sensed something was wrong and offered to watch the kids one night so that Chris and I could go out. I got really excited. Not because we were going on a date, but because I was finally going to be in a situation where I could tell him how I felt. And I did. Hence the "Regret" post.
Chris was hurt. Crushed is more like it. I will never forgive myself for causing him that kind of pain. We got back home and he told me he was going to sleep with the kids because he just didn't know what to say to me. So he did. I, on the other hand, did not sleep at all. I tossed and turned. I listened to the "voice" as it told me that what I'd done that night made me an even more horrible person than I was before. I cried and cried.
I started begging God to help me, and that's when it hit me: I hadn't prayed or read my Bible in over a week. I was astonished that so much time had passed since I had spent time with God. But it was true. I immediately started praying. Begging God to help me and forgive me for every false thought I'd entertained. Pleading with Him to restore the damage I'd done to my marriage. After I was done, I felt as if a boulder had been lifted off my chest. Things were going to be okay! I fell asleep around 4 a.m. and slept like a baby.
I didn't get to talk to Chris before he left for work the next day. I spent that day praying and taking stock of my life. How in the world could I have thought my children were mistakes? How could I have believed any of those lies for even one second? And oh goodness, what was I supposed to say to my husband. "I'm sorry" certainly wouldn't cover it.
I realized that I had been through spiritual warfare in its finest. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that the presence I felt was demonic. That I had literally been walking around with a demon whispering lies to me. I had been under attack. And it wanted to take my family down with me. The worst part is that I listened! I was ready to divorce my husband and leave my children. Crazy. That's when I got mad. Really mad. The devil and his little cohorts should have had no authority over me. I'd dropped the ball, big time. And I'd almost thrown everything away.
I went through my entire house praying. Denouncing any demonic presences. Telling them they had no authority over me, my family, or my marriage. My uncle, who was doing some repairs on the house, probably thought I was going nuts! I felt light as a feather. Better than I had in weeks.
I had to talk to someone, so I called one of my best friends and told her all about it. And she said "Wow, I knew something like that was going on. Your voice was different when I talked to you on Monday. We've been praying so hard". Wow.
And then Chris came home. We had a long talk. After apologizing again and again, I began the story with "Now I know you're gonna think I'm crazy..."
But he didn't. He'd known something was going on all week, too. When I told him I'd been harassed by a demon, his response was "Is it gone? Did you get it out of here?" Wow again. And- he forgave me.
So, that's been my life for the past 2 weeks. Weird, huh. I've never been through something like that, and I hope it never happens again. The devil knows our weaknesses and he'll use anything to betray us.
I was trying to think back to when this all started. I think it was a few weeks ago. The kids and I were having an awful morning. Shaun would not listen to a thing I said. He was being so difficult. And I vaguely remember wondering to myself what in the world I was doing. I was so busy that day that I didn't get my quiet time in. Ditto for the day after. And the day after that. Then the rain started. The weather always gets me down, and the kids get antsy when they can't go outside and get their energy out. I was so overwhelmed that day. And I believe that was all it took. The Bible tells us that Satan is "The father of lies". I believed it before, but I really believe it now!
But, like always, I made it through. God is good!
I feel the need to stress here that the devil is real. Demons are real. I know that some Christians don't like to think about this, but its true. The devil is real and he's after you. He knows you. He knows your habits, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Example: he definitely knows that self-esteem has never been my strong point. I really struggle with self-doubt. So, that awful morning when I began to second-guess my ability to homeschool gave him a way in. He's sneaky like that. And the fact that I was missing out on my "alone" time with God opened the door even wider.
I've learned my lesson. I know what's true: I'm doing what God has called me to do. With my kids, with my marriage. We're destined for great things. I will never take my eyes off Him again.
Monday, July 13, 2009
How much He loves me.
Last week in California, I dipped my toes into the Pacific Ocean. It was surreal for me. I honestly thought I'd never get to see ocean on the West Coast. Why would I? Its across the country from me and my family and I have never been big travelers. I think until last week, the farthest I'd ever been away from Georgia is North Carolina. Its not that I don't think I'd like to travel. We simply don't have the finances for that kind of thing.
Anyway, while walking down Laguna Beach, I was marveling to Chris about seeing the Pacific Ocean. It is truly beautiful. Very different from any beach I've seen before. Later on, on the ride to the airport to go home, Chris commented to Dr Rich, who was driving us, that I thought I'd never see the Pacific Ocean. Dr Rich just laughed his infectious laugh, looked back at me (while hurtling the van through crazy Los Angeles traffic) and said, "See how much God loves you, Erin?".
Indeed. The whole trip was a total God thing. He knew how much I needed a break. He knew how much our marriage needed a renewal. He knew that we couldn't afford a trip like that and gave us a FREE vacation to California. Just in time to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Well, it was a little early for that, but that's okay! He loves me that much! I never dreamed that God had this much in store for us when He moved us to our current church.
I will never forget this trip. I'm so thankful to God for giving it to us, and to our church for allowing me to go. I'm grateful for the new friends in Christ I made. They showed us amazing hospitality...I felt right at home, which is odd for me. It usually takes me awhile to warm up to new people.
It was a great trip. I learned so many things. But the most important thing I learned, I already knew. God loves me. Really. Sometimes, during the hectic and not-so-fun moments in my life, I forget. But He still loves me. And He always will. Thank you, Dr Rich, for giving me that reminder.
Anyway, while walking down Laguna Beach, I was marveling to Chris about seeing the Pacific Ocean. It is truly beautiful. Very different from any beach I've seen before. Later on, on the ride to the airport to go home, Chris commented to Dr Rich, who was driving us, that I thought I'd never see the Pacific Ocean. Dr Rich just laughed his infectious laugh, looked back at me (while hurtling the van through crazy Los Angeles traffic) and said, "See how much God loves you, Erin?".
Indeed. The whole trip was a total God thing. He knew how much I needed a break. He knew how much our marriage needed a renewal. He knew that we couldn't afford a trip like that and gave us a FREE vacation to California. Just in time to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Well, it was a little early for that, but that's okay! He loves me that much! I never dreamed that God had this much in store for us when He moved us to our current church.
I will never forget this trip. I'm so thankful to God for giving it to us, and to our church for allowing me to go. I'm grateful for the new friends in Christ I made. They showed us amazing hospitality...I felt right at home, which is odd for me. It usually takes me awhile to warm up to new people.
It was a great trip. I learned so many things. But the most important thing I learned, I already knew. God loves me. Really. Sometimes, during the hectic and not-so-fun moments in my life, I forget. But He still loves me. And He always will. Thank you, Dr Rich, for giving me that reminder.
Monday, May 25, 2009
I WILL overcome
I've been down lately. I hesitated to write about this, but I know I'll overcome it and wanted to have something to look back on. When I do. Overcome this, that is. And I know I will, because God's promises are "Yes" and "Amen". Thanks, Pastor Richie!
What's got me down? Life, in a nut shell. Shaun is still hyper, Jordan won't obey, Chris has been working (and working and working) and traveling, I can't get the house cleaned, the yard looks like crap, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling unappreciated, I'm tired of feeling as though my kids are being compared to others, I'm tired of this special diet we're trying with Shaun-- even though we haven't officially started it yet, and (warning: this is REALLY selfish) I'm tired of everyone making such a big fuss over my husband. Seriously. People at church act as if he hung the moon. And I'm stuck at home dealing with this mess. While he travels across the country and gets told over and over how awesome he is. And, to top it all off, he just got home from his last trip, came up and started telling me about his plane ticket was updated to first class last night. Yay for him.
Okay, I don't want to sound bitter. At least not TOO bitter. The point is, he IS awesome. He has amazing talent, he's a wonderful worship leader, and there's no doubt in my mind that he's doing exactly what God wants him to do. Which means that I'm doing what God wants ME to do-- supporting him and making it possible for him to work his ministry. But its tough here at home in this season we're in with the kids. I know God has it all worked out and He's going to use Shaun (and Jordan, too) for His glory. I sincerely believe there will be a day, if the Rapture doesn't happen first, that I will be able to look back on all of Shaun's accomplishments and say..."Wow. Lord, you really knew what you were doing all along. How foolish I was to freak out over silly things like medical reports and psychologicals".
I know the devil is a liar. I know its him whispering in my ear all day long that : I'm a failure with my kids; my kids will never succeed in anything; I'm a crappy wife and my marriage will never withstand the pressures that its under; my family's finances will never be cleared up; there's no way we can afford to eat the way we need to eat for Shaun's allergies; this diet won't make a difference, so he'll have to go back on medication anyway, so we'll be better off to go ahead and medicate; I'll never break free from my food addiction; I'll always have weight problems; I'm terrible because I can't manage to keep my house cleaned; I'm never going to be able to home school a child with a learning disability; its so unfair that Chris gets to go out and get all kinds of glory and attention; Chris doesn't appreciate me; I should just leave him and let him see how far he'd get without me; my family is disappointed with me; everyone is judging me; and no one understands what I'm going through.
Like I've said before, I know these are lies. So I'd like to take this moment to say: "SHUT UP, SATAN! GET OFF MY BACK. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME, MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN'S LIVES, MY HEALTH, MY KIDS' HEALTH, MY MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER THING YOU MAY BE PLOTTING AGAINST ME.
There now, that feels so much better! Now that he's under my feet, I can get on with my day.
What's got me down? Life, in a nut shell. Shaun is still hyper, Jordan won't obey, Chris has been working (and working and working) and traveling, I can't get the house cleaned, the yard looks like crap, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling unappreciated, I'm tired of feeling as though my kids are being compared to others, I'm tired of this special diet we're trying with Shaun-- even though we haven't officially started it yet, and (warning: this is REALLY selfish) I'm tired of everyone making such a big fuss over my husband. Seriously. People at church act as if he hung the moon. And I'm stuck at home dealing with this mess. While he travels across the country and gets told over and over how awesome he is. And, to top it all off, he just got home from his last trip, came up and started telling me about his plane ticket was updated to first class last night. Yay for him.
Okay, I don't want to sound bitter. At least not TOO bitter. The point is, he IS awesome. He has amazing talent, he's a wonderful worship leader, and there's no doubt in my mind that he's doing exactly what God wants him to do. Which means that I'm doing what God wants ME to do-- supporting him and making it possible for him to work his ministry. But its tough here at home in this season we're in with the kids. I know God has it all worked out and He's going to use Shaun (and Jordan, too) for His glory. I sincerely believe there will be a day, if the Rapture doesn't happen first, that I will be able to look back on all of Shaun's accomplishments and say..."Wow. Lord, you really knew what you were doing all along. How foolish I was to freak out over silly things like medical reports and psychologicals".
I know the devil is a liar. I know its him whispering in my ear all day long that : I'm a failure with my kids; my kids will never succeed in anything; I'm a crappy wife and my marriage will never withstand the pressures that its under; my family's finances will never be cleared up; there's no way we can afford to eat the way we need to eat for Shaun's allergies; this diet won't make a difference, so he'll have to go back on medication anyway, so we'll be better off to go ahead and medicate; I'll never break free from my food addiction; I'll always have weight problems; I'm terrible because I can't manage to keep my house cleaned; I'm never going to be able to home school a child with a learning disability; its so unfair that Chris gets to go out and get all kinds of glory and attention; Chris doesn't appreciate me; I should just leave him and let him see how far he'd get without me; my family is disappointed with me; everyone is judging me; and no one understands what I'm going through.
Like I've said before, I know these are lies. So I'd like to take this moment to say: "SHUT UP, SATAN! GET OFF MY BACK. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME, MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN'S LIVES, MY HEALTH, MY KIDS' HEALTH, MY MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER THING YOU MAY BE PLOTTING AGAINST ME.
There now, that feels so much better! Now that he's under my feet, I can get on with my day.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A better day, a better outlook
Boy, my outlook on life has changed since Tuesday! Things are so much better. I think God sometimes give us those overwhelming days so we can look back and see how good He is to us! Everything worked out. The kids have insurance (with a different company), we only had to pay a $50 co-pay instead of the entire $700 doctor bill, and Shaun is doing wonderfully with his cast. His arm still hurts a little, but its nothing we can't manage without Tylenol.
I do have a prayer request. We are in the process of filling out applications for Shaun to receive Medicaid. For those of you who know him, he has a LOT of health issues. We were told that he should qualify. This will help with prescription and therapy costs. We have private insurance right now, but the co-pays are kind of expensive. So pray, pray, pray that everything will go smoothly with the medicaid people. I'm having faith that God will work this out.
I'm excited about this weekend. The weather's going to be beautiful. Since Shaun can't go to sparring class in the morning (because of his wrist) we'll get to sleep late. Chris is going back to California tomorrow, so I'm planning on spending lots of time with the kids outside. I love spring weather. I hope we are able to do some yard work. The leaves seem to have overtaken everything.
I'm off to go play with Jordan now!
Oh, and to all of you who sent emails of concern for my marriage, thank you for your prayers. Chris and I are fine. Divorce is never an option for us! It was just a bad day and our exhaustion and stress levels got the best of both of us. We both talked, apologized, and forgave. Its all good!
I do have a prayer request. We are in the process of filling out applications for Shaun to receive Medicaid. For those of you who know him, he has a LOT of health issues. We were told that he should qualify. This will help with prescription and therapy costs. We have private insurance right now, but the co-pays are kind of expensive. So pray, pray, pray that everything will go smoothly with the medicaid people. I'm having faith that God will work this out.
I'm excited about this weekend. The weather's going to be beautiful. Since Shaun can't go to sparring class in the morning (because of his wrist) we'll get to sleep late. Chris is going back to California tomorrow, so I'm planning on spending lots of time with the kids outside. I love spring weather. I hope we are able to do some yard work. The leaves seem to have overtaken everything.
I'm off to go play with Jordan now!
Oh, and to all of you who sent emails of concern for my marriage, thank you for your prayers. Chris and I are fine. Divorce is never an option for us! It was just a bad day and our exhaustion and stress levels got the best of both of us. We both talked, apologized, and forgave. Its all good!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
On disappointment and back to the wrist...again
Chris disappointed me today. Not only that, he let me down. I realize that some people reading this have a high opinion of my husband, as you should. He is a wonderful man. But, he is human. And humans let you down. Because they're human. I am hesitant to blog about this but I figure that we all have "stuff" in our marriages that we need to work on. One day I'll write about everything I need help with, but today I feel like blogging about Chris and so I will :)
No, he wasn't unfaithful. He didn't lie or spend a ton of money we don't have on a boat (or some equally stupid and superfluous thing). I had a horrid day today. I'm sick. I'm tired. I drove to Atlanta and back and dealt with negligent insurance companies. And I handled both of the kids for most of the weekend while he was out of town. And he'll be gone this weekend, too. All I want is some support. I just want him to sympathize with me. Let me have a minute to just vent without being told to calm down. Instead, he tells me he'll handle the kids so I can take a bath. While I'm in the tub, he falls asleep on the couch and Jordan has his way with the kitchen. I'm talking water everywhere and a knife-cut on his finger. While Chris sleeps on the couch. When he told me he'd be watching the kids. I know he's tired. I know he works his butt off to provide for us, and I'm so grateful for that. But its not like I'm some trophy wife sitting home all day while a nanny takes care of the kids. I feel taken for granted.
Another big thing is this: he did some work for a friend a few weeks ago and has never gotten paid. I feel like he's not being aggressive enough in trying to get paid. I bring it up, he says all I worry about is money. Well, yeah, when we get stuck with a $700 doctor bill today, I'm kinda worrying about money. Money that is ours. That we could really use right now.
I know this is all just stress. But I feel let down. The radiologist let me down when he didn't read Shaun's x-ray 2 weeks ago. The insurance company let me down because they didn't do their job and I was stuck without coverage today. The school system's letting me down because they're probably going to be cutting special education teachers positions. And then Chris let me down today, too.
So, today sucked. Totally. But here's the thing. I serve a God who is bigger than all this suckiness. And I'm confident that when I wake up tomorrow (well, maybe the next day) I'll have a different attitude and forgiveness in my heart. I'll feel like being a loving, supportive wife. Because yes, people let us down. But God doesn't. And he gives us strength to forgive and try again.
Now, on to other things. Shaun's wrist is fractured. We left the doctors office today with nifty bright blue cast. I'm just glad we finally got to the bottom of all this. He'll have the cast for 3 weeks. The good news is that he can still do Taekwondo. Just no sparring or punching on bags, boards, etc. He took the news pretty well. I can tell his arm is hurting, though. Since Chris is still sacked out on the couch, I think I'm letting Shaun sleep with me tonight.
No, he wasn't unfaithful. He didn't lie or spend a ton of money we don't have on a boat (or some equally stupid and superfluous thing). I had a horrid day today. I'm sick. I'm tired. I drove to Atlanta and back and dealt with negligent insurance companies. And I handled both of the kids for most of the weekend while he was out of town. And he'll be gone this weekend, too. All I want is some support. I just want him to sympathize with me. Let me have a minute to just vent without being told to calm down. Instead, he tells me he'll handle the kids so I can take a bath. While I'm in the tub, he falls asleep on the couch and Jordan has his way with the kitchen. I'm talking water everywhere and a knife-cut on his finger. While Chris sleeps on the couch. When he told me he'd be watching the kids. I know he's tired. I know he works his butt off to provide for us, and I'm so grateful for that. But its not like I'm some trophy wife sitting home all day while a nanny takes care of the kids. I feel taken for granted.
Another big thing is this: he did some work for a friend a few weeks ago and has never gotten paid. I feel like he's not being aggressive enough in trying to get paid. I bring it up, he says all I worry about is money. Well, yeah, when we get stuck with a $700 doctor bill today, I'm kinda worrying about money. Money that is ours. That we could really use right now.
I know this is all just stress. But I feel let down. The radiologist let me down when he didn't read Shaun's x-ray 2 weeks ago. The insurance company let me down because they didn't do their job and I was stuck without coverage today. The school system's letting me down because they're probably going to be cutting special education teachers positions. And then Chris let me down today, too.
So, today sucked. Totally. But here's the thing. I serve a God who is bigger than all this suckiness. And I'm confident that when I wake up tomorrow (well, maybe the next day) I'll have a different attitude and forgiveness in my heart. I'll feel like being a loving, supportive wife. Because yes, people let us down. But God doesn't. And he gives us strength to forgive and try again.
Now, on to other things. Shaun's wrist is fractured. We left the doctors office today with nifty bright blue cast. I'm just glad we finally got to the bottom of all this. He'll have the cast for 3 weeks. The good news is that he can still do Taekwondo. Just no sparring or punching on bags, boards, etc. He took the news pretty well. I can tell his arm is hurting, though. Since Chris is still sacked out on the couch, I think I'm letting Shaun sleep with me tonight.
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