Why I feel like poo.

I haven't been feeling well lately. Again. In fact, I haven't felt good since the whole Meningitis episode back in July. I finally took the advice of two of my friends and saw a new doctor this week. Dr French. I chose her because she uses a blend of traditional and homeopathic medicine....my kind of girl! We talked...and talked and talked about how I was feeling:

Irritability? Check!


Insomnia? Check!

Mood swings (despite the use of anti-depressants)? Check!


Fatique? Check!


Difficulty losing weight? Check!


Irregular/difficult periods? Check!


Body aches and pains? Check!


Hair loss? Check!


Anxiety? Check!


Feelings of depression (once again...despite the use of antidepressants)? Check!


Check! Check! Check!

Seriously. I "checked" every single one of the symptoms that Dr French threw out at me. Then she asked me questions about my life. I told her about my children and their special issues. About the homeschooling. About my marriage and what all Chris and I have overcome in the past. After the entire gory story of my life was out on the table, Dr French asked if I'd experienced any illnesses over the past year.

Well, yes. I had bacterial meningitis over the summer.

Dr French leans over her desk with the look in her eye. The look of pity. The look I've learned to deal with after seeing it multiple times a day when I was sick last summer. I winced while I waited for the "oooh, you poor thing" that everyone usually says.

But. Dr French makes eye-contact with me and begins educating me on the adrenal gland. About how when life's little stressers pop up, my adrenal gland should be releasing something...maybe cortisol?...to help me cope. And apparrentally it hasn't been doing its job.

Dr French's more simple explanation was, "Your adrenal gland has died. But it can be revived with hormones."

At this point, I had a question: "Will my hair grow back?" This may seem shallow, but I'm really depressed about how thin my hair has become. It used to be so thick it would take hours to dry. Now I can dry it in about 10 minutes. A few years ago, I had to use 2 ponytail scrunchies just to reign it all in. Now, I can hold all of my hair back with a single bobby pin. People are starting to notice, which bothers me a little. I guess with my thin hair, pale complexion, dark circles under my eyes, and general worn out appearence, I just look like someone who's sick. And I hate that. But it is what it is, and it can be fixed. At least its not permenant.

So, Dr French and I made a plan. Next week I go back for bloodwork and to drop off the kit containing my saliva test. Which is as gross as it sounds- trust me. Then, I'll wait 3 weeks for the results to come back. When they're back, I'll schedule an examination and appointment to go over the results of the tests, and to discuss which hormones I may need to fix the problems. These hormones, which are naturally derived from a yam, are said to work wonders on people with symptoms like mine. I guess you could say that I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm desperate to feel like ME again. I'm turning 30 next month...I don't want to do that feeling like an old granny!

So there you have it. Why I've been feeling like poo. Why I've been sleeping late, crying, watching my hair fall out by the handfulls, aching, and freaking out over the tiniest little things.

That stinkin' adrenal gland. I'm trying to remember who's really in controll here. And I'm praying for a complete healing.

Passion

I realized today that, somewhere in the last few months, I've lost my passion. My focus hasn't been where it should be: on Jesus. Always straight on Jesus. This was in no way intentional. Life got in the way, I guess. I was sick for awhile and recovering was trickier than I thought it would be. Then it was *technically* time for school to start. I considered my current situation...headaches, lack of energy, drug-induced confusion and clumsiness...and Chris and I made the decision that school for our family would begin in September instead of August. And then we hit our knees and gave thanks to God for the benefits of homeschooling.

In September we hit the books hard and heavy. The kids were (and still are) learning lots and actually enjoying it enough to not cry about it too much. :) We had a schedule that gave us Fridays off, since we school year-round. Everybody loves this! We began attending a homeschooling co-op at church on Thursdays, which we all really enjoy. Everything was great. But it was also a lot of hard work. Getting lesson plans ready. Planning field trips and library visits. Shaun joined a dance team and is also taking karate again. Routines to learn! Oh! The nursing home ministry that our family is blessed to be a part of...together. We love it! But its also work...songs to choose and rehearse (along with rehearsing for the other 2 routines from other activities). Chris' guitar lessons and band rehearsals. Homework for School of Discipleship and keeping up with the reading for my small group.

I began to get really good at juggling everything! I was doing all of the above and still managing to keep the house decently clean, which is a major, major big deal for me. I was even on a Bible reading plan to read the New Testament in 30 days. But... I was on auto-pilot. Literally. Doing things without really doing them, if that makes any sense. Praying without thinking, reading without comprehending. Auto pilot.

Then, last night, my Hubs had the opportunity to lead worship for our church's middle school ministry. I had never attended one of these services and didn't really know what to expect, as this is a fairly new ministry at our church. I'm so glad that God orchestrated the events of our lives to allow me to be there last night. The message was about Jesus, and how He not only died for us, but because of us. Because of me. He knew each and every sin I would ever commit, and He died for me anyway. Of course, I technically knew this already, but lets just say that it had been quite a while since I had really meditated on it. Towards the end of the sermon, the pastor showed clips of The Passion of the Christ. I hadn't seen that movie in so long. While watching, I became overcome with gratitude for my Savior. And I wasn't the only one. The alter was full of middle school students making commitments to Jesus. It was a great night.

I left church last night with the correct perspective on life once again. And its so nice. Life has a way of taking my "best", and its so easy to lose focus on the important things. I've committed, once again, to not become so busy and wrapped up in my family that I lose sight of my Jesus. My Passion. I'm so grateful that He gives us second (third, fourth, fifth...) chances.

Prayer Requests and Praises

Readers, please remember my friend Rebecca and her family in your prayers tomorrow. This wonderful woman of God, along with her husband, answered God's call and obtained legal guardianship over 10 siblings a few years ago. In reality, they rescued these precious children-from preschool ages to 21- from their biological parents and the conditions in which they were being raised. Rebecca and her family will be going to court tomorrow to find out if they will be able to legally adopt these children or if the children will return to their biological parents.

I know for a fact that all children are thriving under Rebecca's care- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please, please begin to pray for the wisdom of the courts, for the children, for the biological parents and for Rebecca and her husband.

Now, I have a praise! When I woke up this morning...okay, it was technically, this afternoon...my headache was gone! For the firs time in a month, I did NOT have a headache! This was huge! I called Chris to tell him the news. He replied with "That's great! I'm glad you feel good today". What he really meant was "Oh thank you, sweet Jesus, I won't have to take the kids to church by myself anymore!"

I remained headache-free until around 9:00. Now, its back, but I feel better since my "break" today. I feel as if I'm finally seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. Praise God!

He's gaining!

Weight, that is. Shaun's gaining weight. He's come a long way since last spring, when were were switching meds and having blood tests to see what was up with his weight loss. Since then, a lot has changed.

As most of you know, we've changed Shaun's (and our!) diet to accommodate his food sensitivities. This means that, for the most part, we are : wheat-free, milk-free, high fructose corn syrup-free, MSG free, food dye-free, white potato-free, grape-free, additive-free, preservative-free...and...medication-free! Since May. Yes, it has been tricky. And a pain. We've had screaming matches in the car over where we were NOT going to eat. And I'm sure I've hurt a few well-meaning people's feelings along the way. But it is so worth it.

He is a different child. He has self-control. He can control his anger. He no longer has seizures or mood swings. He isn't extremely hyperactive (most of the time! He's a boy...a little hyperactivity comes with the territory!) He's more out-going.

I wish Chris hadn't lost our camera cord so that I could post a picture of him. His skin tone is healthy. We can no longer count his ribs! He actually eats! His cheeks aren't sunken. He looks great! We've had to buy new pants because he couldn't button the old ones. What a wonderful problem to have, especially when I remember last spring, when he would literally not eat a bite all day long. He weighed 52 pounds back then. So skinny! I just weighed him and now he's up to...74 pounds!

He's healthy, too! Only one cold so far this winter. A huge improvement over winters past, when he'd have a runny nose and cough pretty much the whole winter. I'm so excited to take him in for his 10 year checkup in February. We haven't had the need to visit our doctor since May. I can't wait to see his reaction to all these improvements.

I owe it all to Dr Chris, our homeopathic specialist. And prayer. Of course prayer. I remember praying with Chris last spring for an answer. An answer that didn't involve adding new meds. We were literally watching our child waste away. I didn't realize just how bad he looked until a few weeks ago when I came across some old pictures. Anyway, we prayed hard for God's guidance on what to do. A few days later a friend gave me Dr Chris's name. We went for an appointment, and the rest is history.

I still have trouble believing that Shaun is on no medications and his "symptoms" are still being controlled. At one point he was on seven medications. SEVEN. No wonder he had no appetite! He was being treated for ADHD, Epilepsy, Bipolar Disorder, anxiety, and a sleeping disorder. Turns out the issues he was having were just reactions to certain foods.

Now, I know this may sound bad. But I'm so happy that those lablels are not attached to him anymore. I praise God for it every day. I also get irritated at doctors. Psychiatrists, especially. I don't understand why medication is always the first step in finding solutions for behavior disorders. My child is proof that there are better ways. More complicated ways, perhaps, but better for children. And parents....just because a doctor tells you your child needs medications does NOT mean that you have to do it! Especially psychiatrists. I had to learn this the hard way. Now, I know that some conditions do require medications, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. But sometimes, you need to go with your gut. I was told by our psychiatrist that Shaun would never be able to function normally without medication. And look at him now.

At the beginning of last year, I had started to research alternative solutions for behavioral issues. When I brought it up to Shaun's doctor, she laughed at me. That's right. She laughed and said that homeopathy was ridiculous and didn't work. If I had time, I would love to take Shaun for a visit. I wonder what she would have to say. But, I don't have the time to drive to Buford and wait three hours for a ten-minute appointment. So I'm thinking of sending her a letter instead. Nothing mean, just informative. But I probably will never find the time to do that, either!

So there you have it. I'm off my soap box now. But give me a little time and I'm sure I'll be right up back on it again!

What's for lunch?

I begin hearing these words around 10:00 am every day. Months ago, I had a ready-made answer: Sandwiches!

But not anymore. Shaun's wheat allergy has changed all that. Oh, I tried to keep making sandwiches work as a suitable lunch. I bought the rice bread. The rice bread that's really thick and dry and gritty. And costs 4 dollars for one small loaf. And that the kids wouldn't eat. So, no more sandwiches for us.

During the summer, I would cook a great meal for my boys at lunch time. Then, when our home school year started, I realized that I was wasting over an hour of my precious time cooking and cleaning up. Since my children still need to eat, despite how crunched for time I am, I came up with some quick, simply recipes that my children love. They're healthy, and I don't have to give the kids anything they shouldn't be eating. I'm really quite proud of myself. Here they are:

Mexican Beans and Rice (I made up this title)

white rice (kids are allergic to the brown)
black beans
salsa
Monterey Jack cheese

I just mix it all together and then top the mixture with some additional cheese. Then I bake it for awhile and its done. The kids eat this like its going out of style. I make a big casserole dish full, so we can eat on it for at least 2 days.


Pizza

Bob's Red Mill Gluten/Wheat Free pizza dough
flax mill and water (as an egg substitute for the dough)
tomato sauce (made without high fructose corn syrup)
ground beef
onion
Mozzarella cheese

I just make the dough, sautee the beef and onion, spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese and bake. One bag of Bob's Red Mill dough mix is enough for 2 huge pizzas. So, once again, we can eat this meal for more than one day. The great thing about this dough is that it tastes almost like thin-crust dough made from what. Its actually pretty good. And again-- my boys eat it like its going out of style.


Veggies and Mac and Cheese

2 boxes of rice mac and cheese mix
green beans (fresh or canned)
crowder peas or black eyed peas
any other kind of vegetable I have in the house

Mac and cheese has been a favorite food of Shaun's since...um...I guess since he could eat. Ditto on the crowder peas. My granny has fed him crowder peas from her garden since he was about 9 months old. They're delicious and full of protein. I was so thrilled to find boxes of quick mac and cheese made from white rice noodles. Just like Kraft, only the kids can eat it. Its also really good. You can detect a difference in the noodles. Not a bad difference, just a difference. I also mix in some ground flax seed for additional nutrition. Served with vegetables, this is a quick and nutritious meal.


There you have it. What we've had for lunch this week. Not quite as easy as slapping some ham and cheese sandwiches together, but not too difficult either.

They're perfect for me!

I had a rough day today. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe the kids were tired or bored. Or maybe I just need to send them to reform school. For whatever reason, my children were definite challenges today.

Shaun wouldn't listen. Or concentrate. Or obey. Or do any schoolwork without whining and crying. Jordan was just as bad. He cried. He whined. He pestered his big brother. And yes-- he pee'd in the floor. The home schooling daily schedule that I had so tediously planned out was slashed to smithereens as my kids tested and tried me in every way they could.

All of this, plus a bout of apparent PMS had me questioning everything. At one point, I was actually tempted to look up the phone number of Shaun's old elementary school and tell them that he'd be there tomorrow! I really felt like throwing in the towel with this whole home schooling thing.

Okay, so I knew going in that this wouldn't be easy. I knew beforehand (from trying to accomplish homework last year) that getting Shaun to hunker down and do some boring old school work was going to be tough. I knew he has trouble paying attention and would take longer to complete some tasks. I knew I would have to practice patience- lots of it!

I'll just have to start tomorrow!

We finally made it through the day and on to karate. During the drive my mind replayed our day. All the failures. All of my mistakes. Then the pity party began. I started again asking God all of the same old questions. Mainly, "Why can't my kids be like everyone else?"

Then came the answer. Right in my ear, clear as a bell, God whispered to me "They may not be perfect, but they're perfect for you."

Wow. How true. Now, I did NOT understand this to mean that my kids aren't perfect in God's eyes. Of course they are. My Heavenly Father just chose those words to communicate to me that He formed my two boys exactly the way He wanted my kids to be. And He thought we'd be a perfect match. My whole outlook on the day changed. What a humbling experience.

So, I'm heading into tomorrow with a new outlook. Of course Shaun's study habits and behaviors won't be perfect...but with God's grace we'll work around them and find what works perfectly for us.

What I like about him...

I ran into a friend today at church. She's my friend now, but we met at the pediatrician's office, where she worked as a nurse for the kids' doctor. The doctor who I absolutely love. Who takes such wonderful care of my children. Who listens to me and takes me seriously when something's going on with one of the kids. THAT doctor.

We started talking in the hallway today, and she mentioned how GREAT Shaun is looking these days. (And he so totally is!) I mentioned that Shaun is off all medications and has been healthy all summer. (Hooray!)

Anyway, all of that lead to THIS conversation:

Her: Dr O's nurse left again.
Me: Really, who?
Her: D
Me: Hmm, I don't think I know her. I haven't been in the office all summer.
Her: Yeah, she was new.
Me: Why can't he keep a nurse?
Her: Um, well, he's kind of difficult to work with.
Me: Really? Tell me what you mean.
Her: He's a great pediatrician. He's just very demanding. He wants everything done RIGHT
NOW.
Me: (Laughing) That's the reason we love him!

And its true! We love our pediatrician. Not only is he super nice (to us!), but we "get" each other. He takes me seriously and never makes me feel like I'm over-reacting. He gets the job done. He'd rather find out what's causing a problem and rule out anything more serious that just wait around to see what happens. If he ever moves, we'll have to move with him, because I refuse to go on another doctor search. And he doesn't downplay the power of prayer. We've found the right one! He's the one for us! We'll be with him forever...unless he gets tired of us and our many "unique" issues and kicks us out. Surely that won't happen.

I have the same feelings toward our pharmacist. I'll blog about him tomorrow!

What we've been eating lately

My, how our appetites have changed! Seriously, we're different people.

We changed our food choices this past Monday to comply with Shaun's new found food allergies. What an adventure its been. Because we live in G'ville, our choices were severely limited. So, mom and I made the trek to Natural Foods Warehouse last weekend. My new favorite store! We had planned to also visit Whole Foods Market, but we ran out of time. Plus we really really REALLY wanted to eat dinner at the Mellow Mushroom that's in the same complex as the Warehouse. Ahem. Anyway. Here's what we've been eating:

I knew I was in for a challenge. Shaun is a snacker. He doesn't care for sweets, but he could eat salty goodies such as chips, dip, peanuts, etc all day long. I knew I had to find a replacement for potato chips first thing, since they're his favorite food and potatos are one of the worst foods for him. The solution? If you can believe it, dried sugar snap peas. Really! They taste just like potato chips, and they're so healthy. A huge thanks for Wendy for telling me about them. I paired these up with milk-free french onion flavored cream cheese by Toffutti, and viola-- chips and dip. Snack crisis solved. We also found some delicious sweet potato chips that were a big hit.

Rice is also now a big thing with us. And, mind you, that's white rice, since he's allergic to the brown. We're now big fans of rice bread, rice crackers, rice spaghetti, rice flour- who knew you could make so many things out of rice? Its true- rice products are a dream come true to a boy with wheat allergies...and to his mom, too! They're actually pretty tasty, once you get used to it.

Almond milk. I'm not a huge fan of this, but the kids love it. They'll happily guzzle glass after glass at the same rate they guzzled plain old cow's milk. I can't do it. Not sure why. Its not that almond milk has a bad taste. Its just different, but I can't tell a difference when I cook with it.

Grilled chicken nuggets from Chick fil a. A big hit with everyone. They're so good. Thanks Amanda, for telling me about this. I had no idea that you could request your nuggets to be grilled instead of fried. All the taste without the what breading. And we can still eat out, which we have to do several times a week.

Fruit. Lots and lots of fruit. And vegetables. Absolutely no MSG and high fructose corn syrup.

And I've lost 4 pounds, just from not eating junky, chemical laden food. Life's good.

I WILL overcome

I've been down lately. I hesitated to write about this, but I know I'll overcome it and wanted to have something to look back on. When I do. Overcome this, that is. And I know I will, because God's promises are "Yes" and "Amen". Thanks, Pastor Richie!

What's got me down? Life, in a nut shell. Shaun is still hyper, Jordan won't obey, Chris has been working (and working and working) and traveling, I can't get the house cleaned, the yard looks like crap, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling unappreciated, I'm tired of feeling as though my kids are being compared to others, I'm tired of this special diet we're trying with Shaun-- even though we haven't officially started it yet, and (warning: this is REALLY selfish) I'm tired of everyone making such a big fuss over my husband. Seriously. People at church act as if he hung the moon. And I'm stuck at home dealing with this mess. While he travels across the country and gets told over and over how awesome he is. And, to top it all off, he just got home from his last trip, came up and started telling me about his plane ticket was updated to first class last night. Yay for him.

Okay, I don't want to sound bitter. At least not TOO bitter. The point is, he IS awesome. He has amazing talent, he's a wonderful worship leader, and there's no doubt in my mind that he's doing exactly what God wants him to do. Which means that I'm doing what God wants ME to do-- supporting him and making it possible for him to work his ministry. But its tough here at home in this season we're in with the kids. I know God has it all worked out and He's going to use Shaun (and Jordan, too) for His glory. I sincerely believe there will be a day, if the Rapture doesn't happen first, that I will be able to look back on all of Shaun's accomplishments and say..."Wow. Lord, you really knew what you were doing all along. How foolish I was to freak out over silly things like medical reports and psychologicals".

I know the devil is a liar. I know its him whispering in my ear all day long that : I'm a failure with my kids; my kids will never succeed in anything; I'm a crappy wife and my marriage will never withstand the pressures that its under; my family's finances will never be cleared up; there's no way we can afford to eat the way we need to eat for Shaun's allergies; this diet won't make a difference, so he'll have to go back on medication anyway, so we'll be better off to go ahead and medicate; I'll never break free from my food addiction; I'll always have weight problems; I'm terrible because I can't manage to keep my house cleaned; I'm never going to be able to home school a child with a learning disability; its so unfair that Chris gets to go out and get all kinds of glory and attention; Chris doesn't appreciate me; I should just leave him and let him see how far he'd get without me; my family is disappointed with me; everyone is judging me; and no one understands what I'm going through.

Like I've said before, I know these are lies. So I'd like to take this moment to say: "SHUT UP, SATAN! GET OFF MY BACK. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME, MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN'S LIVES, MY HEALTH, MY KIDS' HEALTH, MY MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER THING YOU MAY BE PLOTTING AGAINST ME.

There now, that feels so much better! Now that he's under my feet, I can get on with my day.

Allergies

Who ever heard of someone being allergic to corn? I hadn't. But Shaun is. We visited a homeopathic specialist today and found out that (among other things) Shaun is also intolerant of wheat, gluten, MSG, milk, eggs, brown rice, and a whole slew of sweeteners and preservatives.

I was surprised. I suspected the gluten and already knew he was sensitive to dyes, but wheat? Milk? Who knew. Dr Chris is pretty sure that if we change Shaun's diet, a lot of his...um...how should I word this...unfavorable symptoms should be eliminated.

We're in for some major changes over here!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT have a really really REALLY rough week last week. My husband did NOT work for 36 straight hours, leaving me home to take care of our kids all by myself. And I do NOT realize how entirely and utterly selfish that sounds!

Anyone who knows me knows that I used to sing the praises of ADHD and other mood disorder medicines. So I did NOT make an appointment for Shaun to see a homeopathic specialist who will test him for food allergies before I result to medicating him again. NOT ME!

At Tae Kwon Do last week, Jordan went to the rest room. I did NOT become so engaged in a conversation with another mom that I didn't notice when Jordan waltzed out of the restroom minus his underwear and his shorts. I did NOT quickly scoop him up and sprint back to the restoom only to discover that he had locked his clothes inside the bathroom. I also did NOT have to walk to the front desk with my half-naked baby to obtain the key to the restroom. And all the other parents definitely did NOT have a huge chuckle at my expense.

After the same class, I did NOT load the kids into the van and decide to eat from a box AGAIN. I also did NOT forget, in my tired and frustrated state, to place the van in "park" when I got out to give the kids their KFC meals. My van was parked on an incline and should have rolled backwards, into KFC. So, my guardian angel was NOT working overtime when he gently nudged my van in the opposite direction...forward and into the parking lot curb. After all this, I did NOT silently thank God for always taking care of us and cry quiet, happy tears the rest of the way home.

I did NOT need a break from all of this drama by Friday night. So I did NOT send my tired, overworked husband (along with Shaun) back to church for a Children's event. I did NOT lay a guilt trip on him, saying how much he was needed there, and I also did NOT mention how much those little kids absolutely love him. When he (finally) left, I did NOT give Jordan half a dose of Benedryl to tire him out so that he'd go to sleep early. And when he did, I definitely did NOT collapse on the couch for 2 hours without moving a muscle. And it did NOT feel absolutely wonderful.

THAT woman.

Something occurred to me Sunday night during my trip to the grocery store. I had a flash back from when I was a newlywed. Remember now, that I got married at the tender age of eighteen. So wise (or so I thought) in the ways of the world! I remember going grocery shopping and feeling oh so grown up. I would march into the store, arm-in-arm with my hot husband and buy all kinds of unhealthy, expensive things. If we wanted chips and dip for supper, that's what we'd have. I loved that WE were in charge. Money was no object back then, so we got whatever we wanted. And it was fun.

But. No matter where we shopped, or the time of day we chose to go, there was always THAT WOMAN in the store. You know who I mean. The woman who marched into the store armed with her grocery list, her pencil, and oh yes...her coupon book. We always seemed to meet up with THAT WOMAN on every aisle. We'd round the corner needing ketchup and there she'd be. Taking up more than her share of the aisle while she critically looked at the different ketchup choices, squinted at her grocery list, and rifled through her coupon book. On every aisle. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But you get the picture. It seemed that we were doomed to follow her throughout the store. And then, somehow, we always wound up behind her in the check out line, where she watched the cashier like a hawk to make sure she didn't get over-charged and that all of her "deals" rang up correctly. Finally, just when we thought she was out of our hair, she would whip out her coupons. Her many, many, coupons. By the time she finally got out of her way, Chris and I would be smirking and rolling our eyes. How we scoffed!

What a shock to realize that I am now THAT WOMAN. Seriously. I am. And I'm not ashamed! I take great pride in the ability to feed our family of 4 for around $60 per week. And that's with all of our diet restrictions, too. The fact is, I feel downright naked if I go into Kroger without 1) my Kroger Plus card, 2) my grocery list, 3) my copy of the store flyer, and 4) my coupon book. Thanks to the wisdom of my baby sister, I am now an annoying, anal, coupon-clipping, bargain-hunting, price-comparing grocery shopper. I used to be self-conscious about it. Then I realized how much money we're saving.

Not to sound snooty or anything, but we spend way less than some of my friends who use convenience foods (Hamburger Helper, those boxed chicken dinners, etc). I had a conversation with a friend the other day who spends $150 per week on groceries for her family of 4. Wow. I told her what I usually spent and she didn't believe me. She asked if we ate only rabbit food. Ahem...NO! I explained that the kids have food sensitivities that required us to eat fresh, natural foods. And that, with the help of coupons and a little extra time price-comparing and menu-planning, I can indeed feed us all good, nutritious food for $60 per week. And I couldn't be more proud. So there.

Weight Watchers is Not for Nine Year Olds

It seems that Shaun has been copying me on the sly. While I've been losing weight at Weight Watchers on purpose, he's been losing weight, too. Only while NOT sitting in on WW meetings. And not on purpose, either.

Shaun has always been a little below average in the weight department. Its been an on-going struggle to get him to eat and eat well. I think this is to be expected when his medications are taken into consideration. So a few weeks ago when I had to tighten the elastic in his adjustable-waist shorts, I didn't think anything about it. Then I had to tighten another pair of shorts. Then yesterday he put on another pair and they simply fell off. THEN, he spent the night with my parents last night. I picked him up this morning and my mom informed me that she was "shocked" by how thin and bony he is. I took a good look at him and saw that she was right. Every rib can be counted. He looks like he's starving. How could I not have noticed this? I know I see him every day, but when I really took the time to look, I was shocked, too.

Shaun weighed 61 pounds at his check-up about a month ago. Today his weight is 52 pounds. Woah. I normally would chalk a weight loss for him up to his meds, but we've weaned him off of the one that suppressed his appetite. I am proud to say that now he is only being medicated for ADHD and Epilepsy. So why the weight loss? Needless to say, I'll be calling the doctor first thing Monday morning. In the mean time, I'll be shoving food at him anytime I get the chance.

And, most importantly, I'll be coveting prayers.

Warning: Items in the Organic Foods secion at Kroger may not be as organic as they appear.

I made this discover Thursday night. I took a late-night grocery shopping run. This is my favorite time to grocery shop for many reasons. The store's not crowded, I can shop by myself, I can stick to my list, I can shop by myself, the night shift employees are nicer, I can shop by myself... You get the picture.

Anyway, I always get a lot of stuff from the "natural" section. Because of the kids' food sensitivities and what not. One of their favorite things to eat is Annie's Macaroni and Cheese. Up until Thursday, I had assumed that this delicious macaroni dish was natural...organic....since it is found in the NATURAL or ORGANIC section. Not true, my friends. You MUST read the fine print. I picked up a box of Annie's Mac and Cheese and was about to throw it in the cart when this sentence caught my eye: Made with Organic Pasta. Hmm. Organic pasta. That's great, but what about the cheese? Is this not organic, too? Nope. It turns out that, contrary to popular belief, some of Annie's mac and cheese contains preservatives, some food dyes and, I'm sure, some other yucky stuff that I've been trying to avoid. Not all of them. But some. The thing to really look for, I guess, is the green "Certified Organic" mark on the lower right hand corner of the box. Hmm. Who knew?

A better day, a better outlook

Boy, my outlook on life has changed since Tuesday! Things are so much better. I think God sometimes give us those overwhelming days so we can look back and see how good He is to us! Everything worked out. The kids have insurance (with a different company), we only had to pay a $50 co-pay instead of the entire $700 doctor bill, and Shaun is doing wonderfully with his cast. His arm still hurts a little, but its nothing we can't manage without Tylenol.

I do have a prayer request. We are in the process of filling out applications for Shaun to receive Medicaid. For those of you who know him, he has a LOT of health issues. We were told that he should qualify. This will help with prescription and therapy costs. We have private insurance right now, but the co-pays are kind of expensive. So pray, pray, pray that everything will go smoothly with the medicaid people. I'm having faith that God will work this out.

I'm excited about this weekend. The weather's going to be beautiful. Since Shaun can't go to sparring class in the morning (because of his wrist) we'll get to sleep late. Chris is going back to California tomorrow, so I'm planning on spending lots of time with the kids outside. I love spring weather. I hope we are able to do some yard work. The leaves seem to have overtaken everything.

I'm off to go play with Jordan now!

Oh, and to all of you who sent emails of concern for my marriage, thank you for your prayers. Chris and I are fine. Divorce is never an option for us! It was just a bad day and our exhaustion and stress levels got the best of both of us. We both talked, apologized, and forgave. Its all good!

On disappointment and back to the wrist...again

Chris disappointed me today. Not only that, he let me down. I realize that some people reading this have a high opinion of my husband, as you should. He is a wonderful man. But, he is human. And humans let you down. Because they're human. I am hesitant to blog about this but I figure that we all have "stuff" in our marriages that we need to work on. One day I'll write about everything I need help with, but today I feel like blogging about Chris and so I will :)

No, he wasn't unfaithful. He didn't lie or spend a ton of money we don't have on a boat (or some equally stupid and superfluous thing). I had a horrid day today. I'm sick. I'm tired. I drove to Atlanta and back and dealt with negligent insurance companies. And I handled both of the kids for most of the weekend while he was out of town. And he'll be gone this weekend, too. All I want is some support. I just want him to sympathize with me. Let me have a minute to just vent without being told to calm down. Instead, he tells me he'll handle the kids so I can take a bath. While I'm in the tub, he falls asleep on the couch and Jordan has his way with the kitchen. I'm talking water everywhere and a knife-cut on his finger. While Chris sleeps on the couch. When he told me he'd be watching the kids. I know he's tired. I know he works his butt off to provide for us, and I'm so grateful for that. But its not like I'm some trophy wife sitting home all day while a nanny takes care of the kids. I feel taken for granted.

Another big thing is this: he did some work for a friend a few weeks ago and has never gotten paid. I feel like he's not being aggressive enough in trying to get paid. I bring it up, he says all I worry about is money. Well, yeah, when we get stuck with a $700 doctor bill today, I'm kinda worrying about money. Money that is ours. That we could really use right now.

I know this is all just stress. But I feel let down. The radiologist let me down when he didn't read Shaun's x-ray 2 weeks ago. The insurance company let me down because they didn't do their job and I was stuck without coverage today. The school system's letting me down because they're probably going to be cutting special education teachers positions. And then Chris let me down today, too.

So, today sucked. Totally. But here's the thing. I serve a God who is bigger than all this suckiness. And I'm confident that when I wake up tomorrow (well, maybe the next day) I'll have a different attitude and forgiveness in my heart. I'll feel like being a loving, supportive wife. Because yes, people let us down. But God doesn't. And he gives us strength to forgive and try again.

Now, on to other things. Shaun's wrist is fractured. We left the doctors office today with nifty bright blue cast. I'm just glad we finally got to the bottom of all this. He'll have the cast for 3 weeks. The good news is that he can still do Taekwondo. Just no sparring or punching on bags, boards, etc. He took the news pretty well. I can tell his arm is hurting, though. Since Chris is still sacked out on the couch, I think I'm letting Shaun sleep with me tonight.

Back to the wrist again.

The following telephone conversation took place between myself and a nurse at our pediatrician's office yesterday at 5:0o pm:

Me:  Hello?

Nurse:  Erin?

Me:  Yes.

N:  I don't exactly know how this happened, but Shaun's complete hand x-ray was not read by the radiologist last week.  Apparently he only looked at the thumb x-ray,  which was normal.  We received a call from another radiologist this afternoon who says that it looks as though Shaun's wrist may be dislocated.  Can you come to the Imaging Center right away for some more x-rays?  

M:  What?  His wrist is dislocated?  How did this happen?

N:  I'm not sure and I'm really sorry, but it needs to be looked at again.  The Imaging Center closes at 6:00 but they will wait on you.  As long as you're there by 6:00 they'll take you in.  

M:  (with tears springing to my eyes and my chest tightening in a panic)  Okay.  We'll get there as soon as we can.  

I hang up the phone and yell for Chris to get changed and pack Jordan's bag.  I hadn't showered and had been cleaning all day.  I started my shower water then tried to call my dad to watch Jordan.  Couldn't get in touch with him.  The phone rings again and its the same nurse.  Now she's telling me to just take Shaun to the ER.  That way, she reasons, if we need to see an orthopedic doc, we'll be in the right place.  I hang up slightly relieved.  ERs never close, now we don't have to rush quite so quickly.  I take the time to iron a shirt and am about to get in the shower when the phone rings again.  Same nurse.  She now tells us to just take him on to the Imaging Center.  The doctor on call at the office said that it would be quicker there and we wouldn't have to sit all night in the ER with a non-emergency.  I call my granny and ask her if she can watch Jordan.  She agrees, and I finally get my shower.  The entire time I'm seething.  I cannot BELIEVE that Shaun's wrist has been injured this whole time.  Over a week.  I'm thinking that this negligent radiologist is going to hear from me when we get to the Imaging Center.  If we even make it in time.  I throw on some clothes and run a comb thru my hair.  No makeup, no nothing.  I rant to Chris and he tells me to calm down, these things happen.  He totally pisses me off with this attitude.  He says he wants me to calm down so that I don't embarrass him.  Whatever, I think.  We make it to the Imaging Center at 5:58   The doors are locked and the worker won't let us in.  So off we go to the ER, after all.

We wait for a few hours then get our x-ray.  The PA tells us he doesn't see anything dislocated or broken, but that the wrist is sprained.  He gives us a brace and tells us to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon on Monday.  Which we will do.  I asked Shaun if his hand hurt and he said yes, it has been hurting since he fell of the monkey bars.  I asked why he hadn't said anything, and he just shrugged.  I had noticed that when we put his brace on him at night his wrist would not lay down like it used to, but I shrugged it off because, I don't know....the doctors told me EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL!  I know everyone makes mistakes, but Shaun has been sparring, doing Taekwondo, all kinds of things with a sprained wrist.  I'm so relieved nothing else happened to it.  On Monday I am calling the Imaging Center and I will speak to the doctor who "overlooked" his wrist x-ray.  I know everyone makes mistakes, but people should still be held accountable.  I'm not going to sue or anything like that, I just want him to know that I'm not happy.  So that next time, all of my children will be taken care of.  

Stepping off my soap box now!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Is it Monday again, already?  Here goes!

I do NOT have a nine year old!  There's no way Shaun can be that old when it seems like we only brought him home from the hospital yesterday.  I know, cliche cliche!

Jordan did not throw his Leap Frog computer out of the car window while we were stopped at a red light.  I also didn't leave it there in the road, go to our appointment, and then stop on the way home to see if it was still there.  It was, by the way.  

I work hard to prepare healthy meals for my family on a tight budget.  My wonderful husband understands how hard I work at this.  He also understands that the children need to eat FOOD rather than just snack on junk all day long, so NO WAY did my children not eat their delicious dinner one night this week because they ate an entire box of Cheez its just before I got home.

I did not have to tell my precious 2nd born son to "Please put your clothes back on" on numerous occasions this week, including out in public. 

My children have been through a ton of medical stuff.  I've seen it all and sat calmly through numerous tests and procedures.  I've watched them get shots, have ph probes involving long tubes being put up their nose, watched them endure having catheters inserted and seen them through several surgeries.  All while keeping my head.  So I did not, therefore, completely freak out and lose it at the sight of Shaun's hand after the infamous "monkey bars incident" last week.  My first born also had no reason to use the words "Mom, you're embarrassing me" during the doctor visit due to my hyperventilating upon the sight of his bent hand.  Especially since the hand wasn't even broken.  

And the sad thing is, this was actually a pretty boring week.

The Big Loser

My friend Jada is a loser...or at least she will be soon!  She was selected to participate in Atlanta's Biggest Loser, and I am so excited for her.  You can check her page out here :http://atlanta.momslikeme.com/members/groupabout.aspx?g=767759  Okay, I'm majorly jealous, but I'm still excited for her and cheering her on.  I was able to check out her interviews online today, and she was FABULOUS!  She was able to share her testimony and her love for God on National tv, AND she gets a personal trainer and ready-made food delivered to her door.  How great is that!  Its also great for me, because I am motivated now...I'm tired of being overweight and I finally feel like its time to do something about it.  9 years is way too long to be fat, don't you think?  I don't have a game plan yet.  I've tried Weight Watchers in the past and was successful when Shaun was about 2 years old.  Money is tight right now, though, and I don't know if I can swing the meetings.  For sure I'm going to start walking and getting some exercise.  I'm also going to ask God to help me with this.  I have a horrible relationship with food, and I think God's the only way to break it.  But I'm pumped.  I'm ready.  Ready for a change.  Woah.  That sounds familiar, right?!

Monkey Bars

Got a call from the nurse at Shaun's school yesterday.  He fell from the top of the monkey bars ladder during recess.  Of course, he fell on his left hand.  It was hurting him, and since he doesn't have much feeling in that hand, I knew it had to be pretty painful.  It turned out fine- the x-ray results were all normal...nothing broken, fractured, or sprained.  Praise God!  This whole situation is so ironic.  Shaun can't actually DO the monkey bars, since he can only use one hand.  But he does love to climb, hence the reason for being at the top of the ladder.  I found it strangely funny that my child, who cannot do monkey bars, had a monkey bars related injury.  And I was also proud.  Extremely proud that he would get out there and try to do it anyway, to defy the odds  and play on things like monkey bars with his friends, even if he has trouble.  That shows major back-bone.  I was also proud when, after the doctor said he shouldn't go to Taekwondo yestery, Shaun said he wanted to go anyway and just not punch or hit anything.  So of course I let him go.  In the past, his self esteem has been so low that he would have just wanted to stay home.  He's always been so self-conscious of his differences.  My prayer has always been that Shaun will learn to accept and love himself just the way God chose to make him.  For the first time, I feel like he's headed that way.  To God be all the glory!