Bringing up my boys.

This past weekend was SO exciting for us.  Ha!  Chris had to work and I had to do laundry.  All day on Saturday.  Our washing machine's broken, and I was going to go to the laundromat but my mom said that was ridiculous and for me to just bring half of our stuff to her house and the other half to Granny's.  So that's what I did.  Everything was finally clean and folded and the kids and I looked like hobos, but I had to go to Wal-Mart for tights for Sunday morning.  Oh, the joys of having a girl!  Ha!  This trip brought back flashbacks of my mother buying tights for Lori and myself every Saturday when we were kids.  Memories!

The kids and I took the trash off on the way to Wal-Mart. It was Jordan's turn to unload and dump our trash in the compacter thing.  He did so, which he loves to do…seriously.  He loves it.  As he was climbing back into the car, a man walked up to our car and signaled for me to roll down my window.  I rolled it down about a centimeter because he was a total stranger.  What he said was, "Thanks for making your boys get out and do stuff.  You don't see that a lot anymore.  Good job, boys".

Well, that just made my day.  Sometimes a little encouragement goes such a long way.  I thought about his words the rest of the night… when we got dinner and Jordan brought over a high chair for his sister without being asked…when we left Wal-Mart and Shaun automatically picked up all the bags to carry out.  I'm so proud of them.  

I'm not saying at ALL that we are perfect parents.  We fail so badly with our kids every single day, but maybe we're doing something right, at least. I want my boys to be manly.  I want them to know how to treat a lady.  The whole southern chivalry thing.  In today's world, a gentleman is hard to find.  I feel for my single friends because the words I get from them is that decent men are few and far between.  

My boys are, well, boys.  They're inappropriate sometimes.  They burp and fart and laugh about it.  Sometimes they're disrespectful.  They're still learning.  It's easy to pick on all they do that's wrong but this man, this complete stranger, made me stop and take a longer look at all of the good things they're doing.  

I'm thankful for that. 

Teenagers

For about 7 months now, I've been the mom of a teenager.  It's so different than how I imagined.  When I was a teenager myself, I always thought I'd be so understanding and cool when I had my own teen to mother.  I'd never do anything to cause the eyes of my dear son or daughter to roll.  I'd never be the source of embarrassment, and for sure I would let them make their own choices.  On most things, that is.  

My, how times have changed.  It occurred to me the other day that I have, in fact, turned into my mother.  This is not such a bad thing, at least not as bad as I would have thought it to be way back then, during my teen years.  

My eldest son and I were having a conversation about deodorant a few days ago.  Yes, I did say deodorant.  It irks my nerves that he believes he knows everything.  I mean, he really does believe that he's right one hundred percent of the time.  For some reason he likes to put his deodorant on after he puts his shirt on.  Don't ask me why.  I didn't teach him this and neither did my husband.  I've tried and tried to tell him why it's better to put his deodorant on before his shirt goes on.   When I do this, I am blessed to witness the rolling of his eyes, a huge huff, and usually some remark such as, "I think I know how to put on my own deodorant.  Why do I have to do it your way?"

Now, I realize that this deodorant battle is not that big of a deal, but it's the only example I can think of at the moment.  

The real issue here is that he is in full belief that he knows how to put deodorant on better than I do.  Even though I've been wearing the stuff for approximately 20 years longer than he's been wearing it.  Whenever I bring up the fact that it might be easier to do it differently, and that I know what I'm talking about, I'm met with resistance.  The other day, during this conversation, it occurred to me that I behave like a teenager toward God sometimes.  I was so sobered by this thought that I let Shaun put on his deodorant any way he chose and just dropped the battle then and there.  The revelation that I have "teen to parent" relationship with my Heavenly Father was not an easy pill to swallow.  

Right now, honestly, regarding trust, I'm struggling  in some areas of my life.  I say that I trust God.  I want to trust Him, even now when I'm in a desert and not seeing the BIG PICTURE of how things are going to turn out.  I hear from God clearly during prayer and spending time in His word, and yet I still doubt Him.  People come to us with revelations that God has given them concerning our family's future...revelations that line up exactly with the revelations God has given me...and still I worry and try to fix things myself.  Because I think I know better. I totally, one hundred percent, believe that I know how to do things better than God does.  And when things don't go the way I think they should go, I must confess that I  roll my eyes, throw temper tantrums, and throw my fists into the air screaming "Why can't you let this happen?  Why are things like this?"  Basically, I say to God the same things Shaun sometimes says to me:  "You're ruining my life".  

Even though I know deep down that my Father knows best.  That He knows what He's doing and He'd never do anything to hurt me.  He loves me enough to tell me in multiple ways that my family is, in fact, in His will and things may not be easy right now, but that they WILL be better.  Letting go and letting God have His way is hard.  I want so badly to be one of those mature, super spiritual Christians who take everything in stride and never lose any sleep over what's going on in their lives.  I'm just not there yet.  Growing up and acting my age in terms of my relationship with my Heavenly Father is a step in the right direction, don't you think?   

40 Days in the Word

Last spring I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and agreed to be a group leader at my church's ladies Bible study.  Some of you may think that this isn't a big deal, but trust me...for me it was.  I had actually been feeling led to lead a group for some time, but I ignored God.  I'm bad about that sometimes. Not something I'm proud of, but it is what it is.  I made plans to attend the Bible study last spring and the fact is that I should have been leading a group, but I never said anything.  Even when I heard that leaders were needed and I was "qualified", I didn't say anything.  I walked in deliberate disobedience to God, and it was NOT a good time for me.  To make matters worse, my best friend DID obey the Lord and agree to lead a group.  So I opened my email one day to find a message inviting our homeschool group to come to the study and be in her group.  Salt in the wound!

Leading a study may not seem like a great significant thing, but my disobedience to God WAS a big thing.  I was really convicted and exhausted every reason I could think of to excuse myself from answering God's call.  I thought things to myself like:

*I'm not a "people" person.

*I'm not "holy" enough.

*I don't know enough about the Bible.

*My family is out of control so what business do I have being in any type of leadership position?

*I don't like meeting new people.

*I'm an introvert.  Meeting new people stinks!

And so on and so on.  But still, I felt like I should lead.  As lots of preachers say, "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called".  And I was definitely being called.  

So, I signed up.  I agreed to lead a group for the Fall's session.  Fall seemed like such a long time away, and then suddenly it was September and I was so nervous!  The night before the first session I couldn't sleep.  All I could think about was sitting at a table of women who wouldn't contribute to the conversation.  Crickets!  Awkward!  

As it turns out, I was worried for nothing.  Even though I showed up without my Bible.  Ha!   I even went further outside my comfort zone and purposely didn't sit with people I know during the opening service.  I met new people.  It's not as bad as I thought it would be.

The group was great.  Everyone participated.  Our group is diverse:  old and young, mother's and kidless, married and single.  We learn from each other.  We pray for each other.  It's beautiful.  

We're doing a study by Rick Warren called 40 Days in the Word.  It's not our usual type of study.  It's not geared specifically for women.  We're learning how to study the Bible.  How to have a quiet time.  How to apply the Bible to our lives after we read a passage.  Things we all need to know and maybe even think we already know. I'm gonna be sad when it's over! 

Surgery

Shaun had surgery on Thursday. Tendon lengthening and Botox injections in his leg.  It's been one heck of a week!

One thing I don't understand...why is it that hospitals can't give out arrival times for surgeries until the day before?  Kind of ridiculous, if you ask me.  Shaun's surgery had been scheduled for over a month and I had to wait until Wednesday to find out that we had an arrival time of 6:00 am.  

I almost threw up in my mouth when I heard that...  6 am!  We had to be at Egleston at 6:00 am.  We are NOT morning people.  But we made it.  We woke up super early, picked up my dad, dropped Violet off with Granny and hit the road at 4:45 am.  

We were on time.  And we sat in the waiting room for an hour.  So frustrating.  

Finally we went back and waited some more...

...had some happy juice...and then FINALLY it was time.  Everything went as expected.  We won't know for sure until the cast comes off in four weeks, but this surgery is supposed to ease the discomfort in Shaun's left leg and make walking easier.  We are believing God for success!

Shaun was funny about this surgery.  He was ready for it.  Waited all summer for it.  But wouldn't let us tell anyone except family.  Then suddenly on Wednesday he gave us permission.  We are so thankful for my dad for coming with us, and for Pastor Blake for coming out at the last minute so early in the morning despite having car trouble and a very pregnant wife.  We are also grateful for everyone who prayed, called, sent cards and care packages, and offered to help.  Thank you for loving us!

Shaun has surprised us all with how well he's recovering.  He's walking and not having much pain.  His mom thinks he needs to slow down and not do so much, but that's just me.  

The Big ONE!

Sweet baby Violet, you turned ONE yesterday!  What a year it's been.  When we found out that you were a girl, I wasn't prepared for the wonderful upheaval you've caused in our house.  I watched as you turned your tough Daddy and big brothers into big softies with one look.  You rule the roost with them.  They love you.  They fight over who gets to pick you up from your crib after naps, they marvel at every new thing you do, and they always let you know how beautiful you are.  They love you!  We all do!

Again, I wasn't prepared for you...I was used to boys and wasn't sure how I would handle a girl.  Who knew picking out tutus, ballet flats, and hair  bows could be so much fun... I certainly didn't.  But it IS.  Fun.  Wonderful.  I love painting your toenails, trying to force you to keep your bows on your little head, and dressing you up.  I love watching you hug and love on your "Violet" dog and make a bed for your Winnie the Pooh out of a mixing bowl.  I love that you're sweet and loving one minute and rough and tumble the next.  You are the most perfect mix of sugar and spice.  You are perfect.  You are ours.  We are so thankful for you.  God has big plans and we have big dreams for you.  We love you to the moon and back.  Happy birthday, sweet girl!

Forward 2013

This weekend was Forward weekend.  Shaun's first Forward Conference! On Thursday morning Jordan went to stay with my sister. Shaun, Chris, Violet, and myself headed to Duluth for the weekend.  Our friends from church, the Morrows, hooked us up with a good deal on a hotel room and it was sooooo nice to not have to drive 45 minutes to and from the Gwinnett Arena before and after each session.  Chris was a "tribe leader" and had to arrive early, and I loved having the option to stay in the room with Violet if I needed to.  

We had a great weekend.  I loved watching Shaun experience Forward for the first time.  The music was great, the speakers and messages were better.  And of course, the people!  We love our church family so much and spending the weekend with them was fun!  We are blessed.

I didn't take many pictures.  My phone died and I can't upgrade for 9 more days.  A friend was nice enough to loan me an old phone of his until I get a new phone, but I can't figure out how to use the camera.  Since I mostly use my phone to take pictures, I was out of luck.  Plus, I was busy with Violet.  She is one of those babies who never really sleeps well unless she's in her own crib.  She usually falls asleep by herself as soon as we put her down in her crib.  We were ALL missing that crib this weekend!   She was so happy to see it last night.  I think I actually saw her hug it a little.  Ha!  She was really good.  I took her into the service on Thursday and this is what she did during the games, tribal wars, and the music:

She curled up in Bo's arms and slept through everything...until the preaching started.  Then she was wide awake!  She was distracting everyone, so I took her backstage with Chris and let her explore.  This is where she and I spent the rest of the conference.  She was able to crawl and walk and eat and nap and be held and loved on by her church family and we were still able to see everything that was going on in the service.  

As I mentioned before, Chris was a tribe leader for the Cowboys.  This is the only photo I can find tonight:

You can't truly appreciate the outfit in these picture...the huge, orange hat and the furry chaps.  He was quite the sensation. Ha ha!  He was a big hit with the crowd and was even recognized by some out of towners at church today while he was in his "regular" clothes.  He had a great time and has already said he hopes to do it again next year.  

Shaun had a great time too.  He even remarked that Forward is better than Summer Xtreme...his Daddy didn't really know how to respond to that!  Shaun was in the Pirate tribe and really got into the spirit of things.

He said his favorites were Rich Wilkerson, Jr. and Lacrae.  I have to admit, I was impressed with Lacrae.  We're not really "rap people" but he was genuine and as a friend of ours said, "he has a story".  Jesus radiated from him, and that's good enough for me!  He's coming back for Forward 2014, so maybe I'll even learn some of his songs by then. 

Even more important than all the "fun stuff", the word of God was brought to our teenagers this weekend.  Jesus was poured out to them and I know many of them will never be the same.  The adults, too!  I know I was encouraged.  It was a wonderful weekend but we are worn out!  Looking forward to sleeping in a little tomorrow.  

Here are a few more pictures, all courtesy of my friend Rachel.  

On how God provides

I've been thinking a lot lately about provision. The Hubs and I have had our share of hard financial times throughout our almost-14-year marriage.  We married young.  I was only 18 and he was an older man.  21 whole years old.  They say hindsight is 20-20 and it really is.  I do NOT recommend getting married so young.  I know I married the right man, but sometimes I think about how much easier everything would be if we'd waited and established ourselves first before we tied the knot.  

But we didn't, and here we are.  We've "made it", despite the odds.  Not that we're letting out guard down and expecting everything to be smooth sailing from here on out, but 14 years is a loooong time to be married in today's time.  We thank God every day for holding us together.  We couldn't have done it without Him.  

Back to provision.  When we married, we had no money.  Zilch.  We totally existed living paycheck to paycheck, even with both of us working full time.  Back in those early days, Chris was in a rock band.  We were "walking the fence" with our faith, attempting to get in church and do right but we really struggled with letting go of "worldly" things.  One particular night Chris' band had a paying gig.  For those of you who know anything about struggling musicians, those are sometimes few and far between.  Most gigs were played for exposure and free beer.  This particular night, though, the band was paid hundreds of dollars.  Chris, as the front man was given the money and he put it in his pants pocket.  See how responsible we were with money??  Ha!

The next day it was time to divide up all that cash between the band members.  And Chris couldn't find the money.  Anywhere.  It wasn't in his pockets, his guitar case, my purse, our car.  Nowhere.  We searched and searched to no avail.  Finally it was just decided that someone had stolen all of the money and we'd never see it again.  A decision was made to purchase a cash box so this would never happen again and everyone went on their way.  

Years passed.  Our lives changed.  We had rededicated our lives to the Lord and were finally living in His will, but we still had no money.  We had both been in church before but we'd never been tithed our money.  When we rededicated our lives to the Lord we decided to go all the way.  Since the Bible instructs us to tithe, we began doing it.  

The concept of tithing did not come easily for me.  Honestly, I HATED giving up our money every payday.  It stressed me out.  That ten percent can sure seem like a lot, can't it?  It took a long, long time for me to get to a place where I didn't get nauseated at the thought of writing the church a check.  I would literally put our check in the offering plate and get a cold sweat from worrying about what sort of emergency we would surely need that money for. I pressed on and continued to tithe, mainly because Chris insisted on it.

Back to my story.  It was one of those times where everything happened at once.  Shaun was sick and needed medicine, I think one of our cars had broken down, and some other random things all had to be taken care of.  We did tithe, but at the end of the month we didn't have enough money for our power bill.  It was down to the wire.  Our power had been scheduled to be cut off the next day and we were about to have to swallow our pride and ask my parents for money.  We both prayed to God to somehow make a way for us to pay that bill.  

Chris was looking for something to wear and pulled on a pair of pants he hadn't worn in a while.  He felt something in his pocket, reached in, and pulled out a wad of cash.  The same wad of cash that went missing years ago. Our share was just enough to pay that power bill.  It's been ten years and I still get chill bumps when I tell this story.  

Here's another.  A few years later, same basic situation.  This time, the matter was food.  So many things happened at the same time again and we didn't have grocery money.  I was in a panic, Chris - of course- was calm.  We went to church that night and I was worrying about what we were going to eat until payday.  Granted, it was just a few days away, but we had kids to think about!  I was talking to a friend after service, about something totally unrelated to food, and she gave me a huge brown paper bag. "Would you like this food?  I made it for someone who was sick, but there was a mix up and they don't need anymore meals because several other people also brought food for them tonight.  I was going to just take it home, but you're welcome to it you'd like."

This friend of ours had no idea how much her kindness and generosity blessed us.  We certainly weren't going around announcing our hardships to everyone.  Quite the opposite, actually. We opened that bag when we got home that night and discovered that it held three complete meals.  Exactly what we needed to last until pay day.  

And one more.  Christmas time a few years ago.  We had already bought our presents, but were almost out of Propane at home.  This was a really bitter winter and we were having to have Propane brought out twice a month.  Crazy expensive!  I was in a panic (again!) about what we were going to do.  After church that night Chris received an unsigned Christmas card containing a thousand dollars.  Once again, we weren't telling people about our needs.  We had too much pride for that!  We were praying and trying to trust God to be on time with what we needed and He really showed out this time!  We filled up the propane tank, bought a ton of groceries and got tires for one of the cars.  

There are more.  I could go on and on, but these are the three stories that I feel led to share with you tonight.  I'm not sure why.  Some of you may not be able to relate to this post, but I know that some of you will.  It took a long, long, time but I am finally at a place of trusting God to provide what we need.    I have such a hard head.  Most people would have trusted Him after the first dramatic act of provision.  Ha! 

I am not proud of this, but there have been times when we've fallen off the tithing wagon.  This was my fault.  God has really put me in my place a few times.  I remember one time I sat in church and had a battle with Him during worship time before the offering was taken up.  I had written a check but it wasn't for ten percent.  I ripped up that check and wrote another one for a little bit of a larger amount.  It still wasn't ten percent though, and I was so convicted that I ripped up that check too and finally wrote another one for the correct amount.  I laugh when I think about that now.  What a control freak!  It's not like I was dealing with giving away huge wads of cash.  Anyway, all that to say that now our family is 100 percent faithful with our tithing.  God has shown me that if we give Him back what's His and don't waste what we have left, we will always have enough for what we need.  It may not come in traditional ways, but it does always come.  And it's always so sweet!

To anyone reading this-  please, please do not think I'm trying to come off braggy or "holier than thou".  I just felt led to share our story.  

God-Moments

Sometimes I write just to be writing.  To record our days so that I don't forget events and sayings and funny things the kids are doing in each season of their lives.  Then sometimes God tells me what to write.  Or He does something so amazing for me that I can't not share it.

This is one of those times. 

The kids and I went to noon prayer service today.  Jordan had been wanting to go so that he could do communion.  I love that he's so excited about communion, but I really didn't want to go to prayer service.  The only reason I wound up going was because Violet had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and we would be in town all day anyway.  If we went to prayer service first, we could ride together and save a little gas money.  

So, we went to church with Chris and had two hours before service started.  Violet took a nap and the boys did some school work while we waited.  Finally, it was time and we went in and got our little communion cups.  

The service began and it was really good.  Just what I needed to hear.  The pastor who preached referenced the message from this past Sunday.  Perry Stone brought a good word about "speaking to our mountains".  During the sermon today we were asked to think about our own personal mountains and then were given time to reflect and pray.  One particular mountain I'm currently facing is an old enemy of mine.  Depression.  Yuck.

It's been almost a whole year since I've dealt with this ugly demon.  I know for a fact that I was delivered from it last summer. But lately I've been feeling it try to creep back in.  I'm overwhelmed. And let's face it-  my three kids have been giving me some fits lately. I've also been struggling with forgiveness.  Feeling bitter.  I think I wrote recently that bitterness was not becoming on me.  Well, it's still not!  My joy's been slipping away.  

Violet got fussy during the prayer portion of the service.  I was going to take her out into the lobby but she settled down on my way out. I  decided to stay in the back of the auditorium. And I started speaking to my mountain.  What started out as speaking to my mountain soon had me in tears.  I cried out to God to wrap his arms around me and give me my joy back!  I asked for help in seeing the good things in every moment, the good things in my kids, the good things in my marriage. I paced around, prayed in the spirit, and cried until it was time to do communion.  The service ended and I didn't feel any difference except that now my eyes were all gritty from my tears.  I sat down in a chair to wait for Chris to get his things together so that we could go to lunch.  

Out of nowhere a woman I've never seen before began making her way toward my from the front row.  She pulled me to my feet, wrapped her arms around me, and through her tears began telling me that my family was beautiful, that I was beautiful, and that my marriage was beautiful.  She prayed for God to continue to bless us.  When she was finished, I looked at her and said "You have no idea how much I needed that today.  Thank you!".  She gave me one more hug and said, "Don't forget.  You are blessed!".

I am, indeed.  

I write all this to say to you, my friends, that God cares.  He cares.  He cares when we're tired and stressed and ready to pull our hair out as we strive to live in His will and do what He's called us to do.  He cares enough to send down little God-moments when we're at our lowest.  

  I don't think I've ever prayed specifically for God to wrap his arms around me before.  Today, 10 minutes after I prayed that prayer, I get enveloped in a hug by a total stranger who basically parroted back answers to my prayers to me.  What an amazing moment.  For all I know, that woman was an angel sent from God to confirm to me once and for all that I don't have to be a slave to depression.  I CAN see the glass as half-full and I CAN have my joy back.  Even on days like the ones I've been having lately.  :)

Okay.  I've been going all day and now it's almost midnight and I'm tired.  I'm not going to proofread this before I hit "publish", so there's no telling how it'll look.  It may not be pretty, but it's what's on my heart.  

Say the Words!

I was at the park with the kids today when I had a "moment".  I glanced down at Violet, grinning up at me from her stroller as we watched the boys run around like crazy on the playground and was suddenly filled with gratitude that I am able to spend days with my kids.  No, it's not always easy and most days at some point I want to scream and pull my  hair out.  Those feelings aside, I am confident that I am living out what God has called me to do in regards to educating our children.  

I thought of Chris, who works really, really hard so that I don't have to work and we can keep the kids at home.  We may not live in a fancy house or have lots of material things.  We may have to sacrifice, but we have what we need and he works hard to provide for us.  And God whispered to me, "You should tell him!".  

It's not easy for me to share my feelings, but I did it anyway.  I sent him a text that read, "Thank you for working so hard so that I can stay home.  :)".

And right away he replied with, "Thank you for teaching my kids the right way."

Wow.  Of course, I cried.  

Four years ago we prayerfully made the decision to homeschool together.  I have never once doubted that we made the right decision for our family, the path God guided us toward.  Chris has never doubted, either.  But to hear those words of affirmation... it was so encouraging.  To know that he appreciates what I do at home the way I appreciate what he does at work.  I was walking on air the rest of the day.  

I write all of this to encourage my married friends to encourage your spouses!  I know, I know... my own marriage is far from perfect and I'm the last one who needs to be handing out unsolicited marriage advice, but I just could not believe how much hearing encouraging words from my husband made my day.  It made me want to be a better wife and it made me feel so close and connected to him.  This is the way we're supposed to feel toward each other, but most of the time life happens and we spend more time squabbling than speaking words of appreciation.  

I am so glad I listened to God today and took the time to send Chris that text. I think he blessed me more than I even thought about blessing him.  I hope he was encouraged, too. Everyone needs to feel appreciated and I am going to make an effort to speak encouraging words more often.  Lots more often!

Saved!

Yesterday was a crazy-busy day.  We were out of the house before 8:00 for my niece's first horse show, Shaun had a ballgame in Cleveland, and then we drove to Buford to Skate Country for Kids Day Out.  We were all so tired on the way back. Chris had to go back to church so the kids and I got an early dinner and then I had to go to Kroger for some baby food.  On the way to Kroger, out of the blue, Jordan asked, "What do you have to do to get saved?".

He's been asking some questions about salvation lately.  Mostly he'll ask where certain people are now, who have already passed away.  We've had a LOT of relatives die lately.  Sometimes the answers are easy..."Mamaw's in Heaven.  So is Pawpaw".  Other times, the answers aren't so easy.  Chris and I have tried to balance being honest with scaring Jordan to death by talking to him about hell.  

Yesterday in the car I was caught completely off guard by his question.  I caught a glance at him in the rear-view mirror and could tell he was serious.  I tried to explain very simply as I continued to drive down the road.  

"Do you believe in Jesus?  And God?  Do you believe that Jesus died for our sins?  Do you know that YOU sin?  Are you sorry?"

The answer to all of these questions was an emphatic YES with the exception of the last one.  That yes was more tearful.  I continued to try to explain to Jordan that all he needed to do was to pray to Jesus and tell Him all of that and that he wanted to live for Him.  

And just like that, the 4 of us driving to Kroger, he did.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  After he was finished Jordan looked up with bright eyes and exclaimed, "I just got saved.  I'm going to Heaven!".

The first person he wanted to tell was his daddy.  My phone battery was dead...no red bar even showing.  I knew he wouldn't be able to wait until we got home to call, so I prayed for God to help the call go through.  And He did.  Jordan was able to call Chris and then my parents.  I wish I had been able to have seen Chris' face.  I could hear the grin in his voice.  

After they'd finished talking we went on inside the grocery store and then Jordan wanted to call my parents.  Mom and Dad were camping on the lake and must have had a bad connection because I could hear my mom saying "What?  You shaved in the car?".  Ha ha!  And then Jordan kept shouting, "NO!  I GOT SAVED IN THE CAR!.  We finally got it all straightened out.  

After we got home I had the best time just watching Jordan.  He really looked and acted as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  

Freedom is a beautiful thing.  

"If at first you don't obey..."

...said in the same melody as "If at first you don't succeed...try, try again". 

Obedience.  It's always such an issue around here.  This morning I woke the boys up and told them to get ready, and get ready fast.  Shaun, as usual, shot out of bed and was ready even  before I was.  He was, in fact, all ready to go before his younger brother had even gotten himself out of the bed.  Jordan isn't a morning person.  He never has been, but we were going to the zoo and had to meet people at 9:00 and he needed to hurry!

I came back into his room several times before I threatened to punish him.  His response?  "I don't want to get up yet.  I'm too tired.  I don't want to."

"I don't want to."

I've been hearing those words so much from him lately.  As in, "I don't want to brush my teeth.  I'll just use mouthwash".  And "I don't want to wear socks.  I'll just wear my shoes without them.  There are lots more, but you get my drift.  

This morning, the third time I came into his room, I told him that if he didn't get up and get himself ready he just wouldn't get to go to the zoo.  And he told me that he would just stay home because he was so tired.  And then I screamed that I was his mother and I was tired of him being so disobedient and that he should respect me by obeying me because it was the right thing to do.  

And then I had to go into my bathroom to have a little breakdown because I'm a big, fat hypocrite.  

My little 7 year old is teaching me so much about my walk with the Lord.  Or rather, my willful acts of disobedience against the Lord.  

How many times over the past few months has God tried to gently(at first) nudge me in the right direction?  He's leading me out of my comfort zone.  Wanting me to turn the other cheek and show mercy and grace, love those who seem unlovable.  Just like Jordan, I know the right thing to do.  I hear my Heavenly Father telling me what to do (as if I didn't already know) and I say no anyway.  

"I don't want to!"

I've been disobeying my Father and it's making me bitter.  I looked in the mirror today and realized that bitterness is not becoming on me.  At all.  

Disobedience.  The same thing that frustrates the crap out of me and brings me to screams and tears.  It hurts me when my children choose not to respect me.  How much more must God hurt when I don't respect Him?

And what does God do to his stubborn, strong-willed daughter next?  Exactly what I do to my stubborn, strong-willed son. I make him do the right thing.  Force him.  Back him into a corner and manipulate the situation until he does what he should have done on his own in the first place.  It's painful and awkward and not at all as easy as it would have been had he just listened to me in the first place. 

But back to me.  When everything is said and done, however, I realize that it's not anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be.  It's also not as sweet as it could have been, either. Like I do with Jordan, God does what He has to do to get me to do what He's called me to do. And He loves me and takes me back.  Only without all of the screaming and crying. 

Because He's God, and God just doesn't do all that.

A Change of Plans

I had today all planned out when I went to bed last night.  The kids and I were going to wake up early and do our school work so that we could meet my friend Kelli and her kids at the park after lunch.  

We did wake up early and I even managed to do science and history over breakfast.  Then Chris left to go to work.  As he was walking out of the door he called, "Are you coming to prayer service today?"  We sometimes meet him for noon prayer service on Wednesdays but I told him that we had other plans today.  Then he said, "Okay.  I'm singing at the service."

He says he told me this last night, but I just don't think so.  Otherwise I would have made plans to be there.  Either way, the boys wanted to go so I postponed our park plans with Kelli and we scrambled to get ready and complete some more school.  We actually got quite a bit finished.  We'll just have to make up a few things on Saturday to stay on track for this week.  The beauty of homeschooling!

When we got to church Chris' boss asked Jordan if he wanted to sing a song with his Daddy during the service.  Of course, she didn't have to ask twice.  They sang "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman at the end of the service.  That song is not easy to sing, but it's one of Jordan's favorites and he poured everything he had into it.  I was so proud of him!

This picture is terrible...the zoom on my camera's phone is so bad.  But can you make out his little mouth belting out the song.  I love it!

Chris' "boss lady" was in charge of preaching the sermon for prayer service today.  She preached about deliverance, among other things.  I needed to hear this.  I needed to be reminded that deliverance comes from the Lord.  In His time, not ours. We have some family members in desperate need of His deliverance and sometimes the waiting is so frustrating.  Jill's message kind of put me in my place a little bit.  :)

Oh, and Violet learned to sit up from a "crawling position"  during the service.  She was getting antsy and we were sitting in the back so I spread out her blanket on the floor and let her go.  Not too long ago she taught herself how to crawl in the Kidpak auditorium and that's where she learned to sit up, too.  I love that she is literally growing up in the church.  

After church we went to lunch with Chris and some of the guys from Kidpak.  That's always fun.  Then we had some time to kill.  Gas is so expensive, so we try to not make two trips into Gainesville in one day if we can help it.  The weather was nice today and the boys wanted to go to the park.  They played a little and then wanted to walk the trails.  And, they wanted to pose for pictures, which hardly ever happens.  

My handsome boys!

We walked for a LONG time.  The boys loved it and Violet did, too.  We went to the library next and then it was time for church.  The main service was amazing and from what I heard, so was the kids' service downstairs.  

We came home after church and had a late chili dinner and then watched Duck Dynasty.  

It was a pretty good little Wednesday!

Star-studded Sunday

Yesterday started out kind of blah for me, but things quickly changed once we got to church. I was so depressed because Jase Robertson from Duck Dynasty was in Georgia speaking at a church nearby and we weren't getting to go.  My boys and I are kind of nuts about Duck Dynasty and we were so disappointed when both of the events sold out before we could get tickets.  The pouring rain didn't help lift my mood, either.  We got to church and Chris and I went our separate ways the way we usually do.  We usually just see each other in passing on Sundays because we're doing different things so I was really surprised when he showed up at the info desk.  I was even more surprised when he asked me if I wanted to go see Jase Robertson that night.  He had found someone with two extra tickets for us.  

I was so excited!  Just the day before I had been thinking about how much I missed spending time with Chris... he's been so busy with everything and so have I.  When I prayed Saturday night I asked God to work it out for us to have a date night.  Date nights are getting harder to come by now that we have to find sitters for all three kids.  Ha! Big thanks to my parents who agreed to watch the kids at such short notice.  I always find it sort of funny when God answers little prayers like that.  He really does care about the "every day" stuff, too.  

Chris and I had a great time.  Jase Robertson did not disappoint.  He was funny and brought a great word from the Lord.  I only with that the boys could have come too.  And that we could have taken pictures!

That was Sunday evening.  A few hours before that, I was talking to some friends at church and we noticed that Matt Redman was in our vicinity. I love Matt Redman in the same way that I love Jase Robertson.  So many of his songs have ministered to me over the past 10 years.  I really, really wanted to have my picture taken with him but I was really, really too embarrassed.  So I asked my friend's daughter to ask him for me.  Ha ha!  I really have no shame, I guess, but I did get to meet him and he posed for a picture with us.  I was totally star-struck!

Afterward, we looked at our pictures and realized that Micah Massey was in the background.  He's our worship leader and his song "Your Presence is Heaven" just won a Grammy.  Actually, it tied for a Grammy with Matt Reedman's song "10,000 Reasons".  How funny is it that we got both of them in our picture?  We didn't want to make Micah feel bad, so we went back and asked for a picture with him, too.  I think we take him for granted because we see him every week, but I've never had a picture with him and I was finally able to tell him congratulations in person.  It was a good day!

13

My first-born baby turned 13 last weekend.  

13.

We officially have a teenager in the house.  Chris and I are preparing ourselves for everything that goes along with that.  A new season is beginning for us and it's so exciting!

I was a little emotional on the big day.  Big surprise!  I actually did okay until my sister-in-law found some pictures and tagged me on Facebook.  

This was taken a few hours after Shaun was born.  Easily both the best and worst night of my entire life.  If you're interested, you can read about the night Shaun was born in its entirety right here.  If I remember correctly we had just been informed that our baby was "very sick".  My mom got the okay from my doctor get me into a wheelchair and down to the NICU just hours after my c-section so that I could see my baby in person.  I'll never forget it.  He was beautiful.  And sick.  Chris and I had never been so scared.  

This was taken a week or so later.  Our first family picture.  I'm so glad Mandy had a copy of this.  We were so excited to have Shaun off of the ventilator.  He was breathing on his own with no tubes.  A nurse took this picture a few days before we went home.  Can you see the relief in our faces?  We were "out of the woods" and our baby was going to live!  

And now it's 13 years later.  That baby is getting tall.  I'm pretty sure that he'll be taller than both of his parents by his 14th birthday.  That's what we're praying for, anyway.  Ha!

I don't like to dwell on the fact that Shaun had a rough start, but every once in a while I allow myself to go back to his baby days when we just didn't know.  At first we didn't know if he'd live.  Then we didn't know if he'd crawl.  Or walk, or talk, or dress himself.  Look at him now.  

My little miracle boy is not so little anymore.  Gone are the days of Spiderman obsessions, crazy temper tantrums, and holding my hand while crossing the street.  He is striving for independence.  Making new friends.  Wanting to be dropped off instead of walked in for piano lessons.  Dissecting frogs at co-op.  Playing sports.  Singing in choir.  He's always been a leader and not a follower and he's proving it by being on the dance team at church, no matter how hard he has to work to learn the steps.  He's growing up.  And yes, the inevitable cries of "Why don't you understand me?!?!?" have started. Oh, my!  He also despises having his picture taken, so the pickin's are slim.

But, he loves the Lord.  I am so proud of him.  

Happy 13th birthday, Shaun.  Daddy and I couldn't love you more.  

Just Some More of God's Promises

My family has another fast under our belts.  This year's has been good.  So, SO good.  Different in the way the Lord has spoken to me and I'm excited about what's to come in 2013. Expectant.  I sense that we're in for an amazing year.  

One thing that's been different with this year's fast is the way I've been led to pray for my children.  In regards to the kids, Chris and I have always prayed for the same things during our fasts... salvation, health, protection, etc.  God threw something new at me three weeks ago and I began to pray for them to recognize God's calling on their lives while they are still young.  For God to reveal their passions and their purpose.  I want my kids to look outside of their own little worlds and get glimpses of the "big picture" of their lives.  

Shaun has been going up to the main service with me sometimes.  Today the congregation was shown a video about an upcoming mission trip to Peru.  We watched and learned about how the people there have no clean water and are being killed off by disease and starvation.  When it was over, Shaun tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "Mom.  I want to go there".  

"Go where," I asked.  

"There.  Peru.  I want to help those people.  Don't you?"

Well, not really.  I've always been very thankful that God hasn't called me to that type of mission field.  But I looked into the eyes of my soon-to-be 13 year old and saw  compassion.  And a longing.  

And I remembered what I've been praying for over the past 21 days. 

What an incredible moment.  For now, I think Shaun is still too young to go to Peru. But God has placed a desire in his heart and there's no doubt in my mind that he will be doing mission work in some form or other before too long.  Until then, our oldest son will be covered in prayer until he realizes the path God wishes him to take.  

My family and I went through the prayer line today and were anointed with oil.  I held Violet in my arms and kept my eyes on the boys in front of me as hands were laid and prayers were prayed over my children and I have never, ever felt such peach about their future.  

When we went through the same line last year I was newly pregnant and we had prayed for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Things happened, but God answered our prayers.  The same people who prayed for our daughter while she was still in my womb smiled and winked as they anointed her and prayed for her again.  

God is so good.    

Job 21:22

I'm glad I had this verse to fall back on this week.  What a week.  

Co-op started back up again today.  I was in a sour, discouraged state and honestly just didn't want to be there.  But, I sucked it up and went inside and tried to act as though everything was great.  I really didn't want to be around all of the other mothers with their perkiness and their praise reports.  I know.  That's mean.  

Our group leader said something I so needed to hear during announcements.  She had been reading a devotional meant to encourage us during the fast (I missed most of it because Jordan had to go to the bathroom)and she pointed out that most of the time she or someone in her family is hit with a struggle whenever they are involved in a fast.  She went on to say that this was usually just Satan himself trying to break them down before they got their break through.  

Yes, I really needed to hear that.  

We had some unexpected news in our own little family this week.  Smack in the middle of our fast.  As usual.  I've almost come to expect it.  But still, it feels like a low blow.  I got mad, screamed "why", and then wallowed in a funk before I even remembered that it's not my place to tell God how to run His affairs.  It seems like I'm always needing reminders of this!  

And so, we'll keep on keepin' on.  Even if we don't feel like it.  We'll wait on God to give us answers and healing in His own time.  We will focus on being content and remember all of the times when God has shown out for us in the past.  We'll give our future, and the futures of our kids, to God and wait patiently until we finally see the end of our story. 

At the end of the day, I was glad that I went on to co-op.  I tend to close myself off a lot of the time- a sure way to feed depression.  I had a "therapy session" in the baby class.  Surrounded by my sisters in Christ, I was encouraged and we laughed a lot.  It's always so good to laugh!  God also brought a new friend into my life today.  I was once again reminded that He knows what we need, when we need it.