I've been down lately. I hesitated to write about this, but I know I'll overcome it and wanted to have something to look back on. When I do. Overcome this, that is. And I know I will, because God's promises are "Yes" and "Amen". Thanks, Pastor Richie!
What's got me down? Life, in a nut shell. Shaun is still hyper, Jordan won't obey, Chris has been working (and working and working) and traveling, I can't get the house cleaned, the yard looks like crap, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling unappreciated, I'm tired of feeling as though my kids are being compared to others, I'm tired of this special diet we're trying with Shaun-- even though we haven't officially started it yet, and (warning: this is REALLY selfish) I'm tired of everyone making such a big fuss over my husband. Seriously. People at church act as if he hung the moon. And I'm stuck at home dealing with this mess. While he travels across the country and gets told over and over how awesome he is. And, to top it all off, he just got home from his last trip, came up and started telling me about his plane ticket was updated to first class last night. Yay for him.
Okay, I don't want to sound bitter. At least not TOO bitter. The point is, he IS awesome. He has amazing talent, he's a wonderful worship leader, and there's no doubt in my mind that he's doing exactly what God wants him to do. Which means that I'm doing what God wants ME to do-- supporting him and making it possible for him to work his ministry. But its tough here at home in this season we're in with the kids. I know God has it all worked out and He's going to use Shaun (and Jordan, too) for His glory. I sincerely believe there will be a day, if the Rapture doesn't happen first, that I will be able to look back on all of Shaun's accomplishments and say..."Wow. Lord, you really knew what you were doing all along. How foolish I was to freak out over silly things like medical reports and psychologicals".
I know the devil is a liar. I know its him whispering in my ear all day long that : I'm a failure with my kids; my kids will never succeed in anything; I'm a crappy wife and my marriage will never withstand the pressures that its under; my family's finances will never be cleared up; there's no way we can afford to eat the way we need to eat for Shaun's allergies; this diet won't make a difference, so he'll have to go back on medication anyway, so we'll be better off to go ahead and medicate; I'll never break free from my food addiction; I'll always have weight problems; I'm terrible because I can't manage to keep my house cleaned; I'm never going to be able to home school a child with a learning disability; its so unfair that Chris gets to go out and get all kinds of glory and attention; Chris doesn't appreciate me; I should just leave him and let him see how far he'd get without me; my family is disappointed with me; everyone is judging me; and no one understands what I'm going through.
Like I've said before, I know these are lies. So I'd like to take this moment to say: "SHUT UP, SATAN! GET OFF MY BACK. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME, MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN'S LIVES, MY HEALTH, MY KIDS' HEALTH, MY MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER THING YOU MAY BE PLOTTING AGAINST ME.
There now, that feels so much better! Now that he's under my feet, I can get on with my day.
1 comment:
And thank you very much for not letting your hesitation get the better of you. You know, all of US mom's need to hear somebody else say those things out loud. We do! And the closing was perfect. yes. it sucks that we bust our tail behind closed doors and get no 'thank you so much'. instead, we get a whole lotta complaining, and whiney talk from our childre, making us feel like complete failures. JUST OBEY ME!! Whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Yep. I feel you. I understand. And again, the closing was so awesome. We get those feelings of frustration, and then we can sort of muster around in it, AND THEN we get to pump up our chest, stick our head really high in he air and say "Whatever!!! shut your pie-hole satan."
I love you, girl. You're my hero, and don't you dare erase this post for fear of 'what people think'. Again! fellow mommy's need to know that we are not alone!!!
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