"If at first you don't obey..."

...said in the same melody as "If at first you don't succeed...try, try again". 

Obedience.  It's always such an issue around here.  This morning I woke the boys up and told them to get ready, and get ready fast.  Shaun, as usual, shot out of bed and was ready even  before I was.  He was, in fact, all ready to go before his younger brother had even gotten himself out of the bed.  Jordan isn't a morning person.  He never has been, but we were going to the zoo and had to meet people at 9:00 and he needed to hurry!

I came back into his room several times before I threatened to punish him.  His response?  "I don't want to get up yet.  I'm too tired.  I don't want to."

"I don't want to."

I've been hearing those words so much from him lately.  As in, "I don't want to brush my teeth.  I'll just use mouthwash".  And "I don't want to wear socks.  I'll just wear my shoes without them.  There are lots more, but you get my drift.  

This morning, the third time I came into his room, I told him that if he didn't get up and get himself ready he just wouldn't get to go to the zoo.  And he told me that he would just stay home because he was so tired.  And then I screamed that I was his mother and I was tired of him being so disobedient and that he should respect me by obeying me because it was the right thing to do.  

And then I had to go into my bathroom to have a little breakdown because I'm a big, fat hypocrite.  

My little 7 year old is teaching me so much about my walk with the Lord.  Or rather, my willful acts of disobedience against the Lord.  

How many times over the past few months has God tried to gently(at first) nudge me in the right direction?  He's leading me out of my comfort zone.  Wanting me to turn the other cheek and show mercy and grace, love those who seem unlovable.  Just like Jordan, I know the right thing to do.  I hear my Heavenly Father telling me what to do (as if I didn't already know) and I say no anyway.  

"I don't want to!"

I've been disobeying my Father and it's making me bitter.  I looked in the mirror today and realized that bitterness is not becoming on me.  At all.  

Disobedience.  The same thing that frustrates the crap out of me and brings me to screams and tears.  It hurts me when my children choose not to respect me.  How much more must God hurt when I don't respect Him?

And what does God do to his stubborn, strong-willed daughter next?  Exactly what I do to my stubborn, strong-willed son. I make him do the right thing.  Force him.  Back him into a corner and manipulate the situation until he does what he should have done on his own in the first place.  It's painful and awkward and not at all as easy as it would have been had he just listened to me in the first place. 

But back to me.  When everything is said and done, however, I realize that it's not anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be.  It's also not as sweet as it could have been, either. Like I do with Jordan, God does what He has to do to get me to do what He's called me to do. And He loves me and takes me back.  Only without all of the screaming and crying. 

Because He's God, and God just doesn't do all that.