Bringing up my boys.

This past weekend was SO exciting for us.  Ha!  Chris had to work and I had to do laundry.  All day on Saturday.  Our washing machine's broken, and I was going to go to the laundromat but my mom said that was ridiculous and for me to just bring half of our stuff to her house and the other half to Granny's.  So that's what I did.  Everything was finally clean and folded and the kids and I looked like hobos, but I had to go to Wal-Mart for tights for Sunday morning.  Oh, the joys of having a girl!  Ha!  This trip brought back flashbacks of my mother buying tights for Lori and myself every Saturday when we were kids.  Memories!

The kids and I took the trash off on the way to Wal-Mart. It was Jordan's turn to unload and dump our trash in the compacter thing.  He did so, which he loves to do…seriously.  He loves it.  As he was climbing back into the car, a man walked up to our car and signaled for me to roll down my window.  I rolled it down about a centimeter because he was a total stranger.  What he said was, "Thanks for making your boys get out and do stuff.  You don't see that a lot anymore.  Good job, boys".

Well, that just made my day.  Sometimes a little encouragement goes such a long way.  I thought about his words the rest of the night… when we got dinner and Jordan brought over a high chair for his sister without being asked…when we left Wal-Mart and Shaun automatically picked up all the bags to carry out.  I'm so proud of them.  

I'm not saying at ALL that we are perfect parents.  We fail so badly with our kids every single day, but maybe we're doing something right, at least. I want my boys to be manly.  I want them to know how to treat a lady.  The whole southern chivalry thing.  In today's world, a gentleman is hard to find.  I feel for my single friends because the words I get from them is that decent men are few and far between.  

My boys are, well, boys.  They're inappropriate sometimes.  They burp and fart and laugh about it.  Sometimes they're disrespectful.  They're still learning.  It's easy to pick on all they do that's wrong but this man, this complete stranger, made me stop and take a longer look at all of the good things they're doing.  

I'm thankful for that. 

Talent Night at the Home Church

Last night was Talent Night at my parents' church.  They asked Shaun to participate a few weeks ago, but we thought we had plans.  The plans changed, so yesterday we found ourselves at home on a Sunday afternoon.  This is rare. My mom again asked Shaun if he wanted to play a song on the piano for Talent Night.  Of course, he did and we found ourselves scrambling to prepare something.  This was his first time playing the piano in public, so it was a big deal to us.  Mom asked Jordan and Chris to sing, too, so all three of the Smith men were frantically trying to come up with songs to sing and play.  

Shaun was the first of our crew to perform that night.  My dad accompanied him on his bass.  So sweet, and they did so well.  Shaun was nervous.  So nervous he said he was shaking, and I'm so proud of him for going through with it anyway.  

I sat in the back of the church with my Granny and couldn't even see my dad.  

My mom took this picture from her seat up front.

Chris was up next.  He sang a song alone first and the plan was for Jordan to come join him for a second song.  Only Jordan had a case of cold feet and wouldn't leave his pew.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.  

It was a nice service.  After church the boys went home with my parents so Chris whisked me away on a date to Loco's.  He whisked Violet, too.  She must have been super hungry because she ate and ate and didn't make a sound.  It was a good day.   

Teenagers

For about 7 months now, I've been the mom of a teenager.  It's so different than how I imagined.  When I was a teenager myself, I always thought I'd be so understanding and cool when I had my own teen to mother.  I'd never do anything to cause the eyes of my dear son or daughter to roll.  I'd never be the source of embarrassment, and for sure I would let them make their own choices.  On most things, that is.  

My, how times have changed.  It occurred to me the other day that I have, in fact, turned into my mother.  This is not such a bad thing, at least not as bad as I would have thought it to be way back then, during my teen years.  

My eldest son and I were having a conversation about deodorant a few days ago.  Yes, I did say deodorant.  It irks my nerves that he believes he knows everything.  I mean, he really does believe that he's right one hundred percent of the time.  For some reason he likes to put his deodorant on after he puts his shirt on.  Don't ask me why.  I didn't teach him this and neither did my husband.  I've tried and tried to tell him why it's better to put his deodorant on before his shirt goes on.   When I do this, I am blessed to witness the rolling of his eyes, a huge huff, and usually some remark such as, "I think I know how to put on my own deodorant.  Why do I have to do it your way?"

Now, I realize that this deodorant battle is not that big of a deal, but it's the only example I can think of at the moment.  

The real issue here is that he is in full belief that he knows how to put deodorant on better than I do.  Even though I've been wearing the stuff for approximately 20 years longer than he's been wearing it.  Whenever I bring up the fact that it might be easier to do it differently, and that I know what I'm talking about, I'm met with resistance.  The other day, during this conversation, it occurred to me that I behave like a teenager toward God sometimes.  I was so sobered by this thought that I let Shaun put on his deodorant any way he chose and just dropped the battle then and there.  The revelation that I have "teen to parent" relationship with my Heavenly Father was not an easy pill to swallow.  

Right now, honestly, regarding trust, I'm struggling  in some areas of my life.  I say that I trust God.  I want to trust Him, even now when I'm in a desert and not seeing the BIG PICTURE of how things are going to turn out.  I hear from God clearly during prayer and spending time in His word, and yet I still doubt Him.  People come to us with revelations that God has given them concerning our family's future...revelations that line up exactly with the revelations God has given me...and still I worry and try to fix things myself.  Because I think I know better. I totally, one hundred percent, believe that I know how to do things better than God does.  And when things don't go the way I think they should go, I must confess that I  roll my eyes, throw temper tantrums, and throw my fists into the air screaming "Why can't you let this happen?  Why are things like this?"  Basically, I say to God the same things Shaun sometimes says to me:  "You're ruining my life".  

Even though I know deep down that my Father knows best.  That He knows what He's doing and He'd never do anything to hurt me.  He loves me enough to tell me in multiple ways that my family is, in fact, in His will and things may not be easy right now, but that they WILL be better.  Letting go and letting God have His way is hard.  I want so badly to be one of those mature, super spiritual Christians who take everything in stride and never lose any sleep over what's going on in their lives.  I'm just not there yet.  Growing up and acting my age in terms of my relationship with my Heavenly Father is a step in the right direction, don't you think?   

A Little Down Time

I haven't been writing very much lately, and I don't like that.  Life has been happening rather quickly these days and that doesn't leave me with a lot of down time.  I'm going to try to make at least two posts per week because I don't want to forget these days, crazy as they are.  

Presently, the house is quiet except for the  dishwasher and the ramblings of Drs. Stevens and O'Malley as background noise.  The soon-to-be one year old is napping and the Hubs just left with both boys for piano lessons and football practice.  Usually on Mondays we make a family outing of it...we hit Shaun's piano lesson, have a quick dinner, and then visit the library before Jordan has football practice.  I've been a little sick with a summer cold so I decided to stay home.  There are so many things I should be doing.  Like cleaning, folding up the mountain of clean laundry that has taken over the laundry room, or going over the boys lesson plans for the rest of the week.  Instead I'm on the couch, blogging, and watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy.  I love it when I have a little down time!

School:  We started school a few weeks ago.  We're on Day 16 of our school year and it's going really well.  I feel like we're accomplishing so much.  Shaun has studied Carl Sandburg, Robert Frost, and we started reading The Jungle Book last week.  I'm surprised at how much I like it.  Shaun likes it too, he just won't admit it.  Ha!  His math is coming along as well.  Yay for Khan Academy! Spanish is something new Shaun is studying this year and I'm proud of how well he's catching on.  He's come so far since we began this homeschooling journey 4 years ago.  Back then he couldn't focus long enough to finish an assignment and now he pretty much can do everything on his own.  

Jordan is in second grade now.  His reading skills have exploded.  A few years ago, when he was in kindergarten I worried if he would ever learn to read.  A very wise woman told me to "let it rest" for awhile, and against my better judgement, I did.  That was the best thing I could have done for him.  He pretty much taught himself to read last year, in his own time.  When he was ready.  I should've known he wouldn't be rushed!  He's studied the poetry of De La Mare, Rosetti, and Mother Goose so far this year and we've been reading lots and lots of books.  It seems that he and his brother are opposites in that Math is really easy for Jordan.  But then, he struggles with spelling and grammar, which Shaun has always rocked out with.

Extras:  Shaun is still working hard at piano.  He gets better and better every week and has such a good ear.  He can play by ear, which makes him not want to practice.  I can relate because I was the same way when I took piano! Solution Choir started up again yesterday and then tomorrow is his first rehearsal with the North Georgia Children's Chorus.  We're really excited about this!  He's also helping out with Jordan's football team and he'll play basketball this winter and of course baseball in the spring.  

Jordan's playing football.  Honestly, I'm surprised that he's stuck with it.  It's intense!  But he loves it.  And he's good at it.  I'm so glad he found something to do because I worry that he gets lost in the shuffle sometimes.  Typical middle child issues.  I was not thrilled at all when we signed him up.  I hate football.  Or at least I thought I did until the first game on Saturday.  When I heard the words "tackle by Jordan Smith, number 1" over the loudspeaker I kind of turned into a crazy football mom.  He's also singing with Generation Praise again.  

Co-op starts up again in a few weeks and I'm glad we started our school year when we did.  It's always good to find our "groove" before our commitments begin.  

And me.  I'm just trying to keep up with everybody else!  

This and that...

*Jordan's playing football.  I don't like football.  In fact, it reminds me of everything I hated about high school. But it's growing on me just a little.  I do think it's a little intense for 7 year olds.  Earlier in the week at practice I was chasing Violet around and trying to watch Jordan at the same time.  And those mean old coaches were yelling at our boys.  I was sitting out there for hours sweating and getting eaten alive by mosquitos and listening to men yell at my son.  And I was thinking, "What the heck are we doing out here??".  But that son of mine loves it, and that makes me happy.  

Shaun has an interview tomorrow.  A "vocal interview".  He's joining a choir for homeschooled kids and the director needs to hear him first.  I guess they're serious about their singing.  I'm so excited about this and so glad I found out about it.  The director asked me if his voice has changed yet.  I told her that it was currently in the process and Shaun's range depends on what day it is.  Ha ha!  Gotta love boys.  

And little Violet learned how to take her diaper off by herself.  She goes quietly into a corner, strips down, and then just goes on about her business until someone notices.  Maybe she'll potty train early.  I can dream, can't I?

The boys were fighting over who's turn it was to sweep the floor today.  Even I couldn't remember and I was so tired of hearing them argue that I just told them to do it together.  It was quiet for about 1.2 seconds before I heard Jordan's voice pipe up with, "You can sweep.  I will do the dust-panning".  Dust-panning.  Heh.  

On how we found our church.

The other day the topic over at Kelly's Korner was churches.  Not only churches, but finding a church home.  I didn't participate in that discussion, but it made me think about my church home and how we wound up there.  So I thought I'd write about it!

Okay, so I was one of those kids who was "raised in church".  I was blessed with not only parents who love the Lord but with God-loving grandparents as well.  On both sides!  I think I can count the number of times I missed church as a child on one hand.  Ha!  If I didn't go to our church, we were at another one for a revival or because we were visiting my grandmother's church. Seriously.  Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  Not to mention Spring and Summer Revival and any other revival our pastor preached at because usually the choir sang.  We were there!  Unless we were sick, and that had to be proven.  My mom could spot a fake sickness a mile away when it came to having to miss church.

And let me tell you something... I'm doing the same thing to my kids!

I was "saved" when I was a kid.  I don't really remember exactly how old I was.  I rebelled during my teen years and didn't fully rededicate my life to God until after I was married and Shaun was a few years old.  

I'm not proud of the life I lived.  A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend I used to work with back then.  She said something I will never forget.  She was my friend before we turned back to God and we stayed pretty close while we worked together even though our opinions were sometimes different.  She called me out of the blue the other day just to talk.  Ironically, we were at Forward.  She asked if Chris was still playing music at church and my answer was, "Of course!".  She went on to say how she remembered when he was called into the ministry all those years ago and that once we turned, we never looked back.  

Now, we aren't perfect by any means.  AT ALL. And honestly, most of the time our Christian walk has a lot to be desired.  We try, but we're human.  When my friend said that to me, I almost cried.  

I'm kind of off topic.  

After we rededicated our lives to the Lord we began "really" attending the church I grew up in.  We got involved but Chris and I both began to feel as if God was leading us somewhere else.  We fought it for awhile.  We went to a really good church with a great pastor who wasn't afraid to preach the Word of God.  Plus, it was really the only church I'd ever known.  Plus my family went there too and could help me with my hyper-active little sweetheart during the services.  PLUS, I'm an introvert.  The idea of showing up at a church where we didn't know anyone scared the crap out of me.  Back then I would rather have eaten my own hair than meet new people. Have you ever looked for a new church?  The moment before you walk through a new church's doors for the first time has to be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences in the world.

Around this time another friend of mine from work invited me to her church.  It was a smallish Baptist church a lot like the one we were currently at but they were going through some changes with their music ministry and such.  So we went.  And we loved it, even though it was 30 minutes away and our "old" church was literally right down the street from our house.  That was an adjustment, let me tell you.  

We threw ourselves into that church.  We joined the choir.  I volunteered for Childrens Church and AWANA.  We taught VBS.  We met wonderful friends and really grew our faith under the teaching at that church. I can't stress enough how good it was for us to be there.  It was good for us to find our way and be "by ourselves" at church, so to speak.  Kind of hard to explain.  

We were at this church for a few years before we felt that God was moving us somewhere else.  Again.  Auughgh!  This was hard.  We loved "our" church and our friends.  For the first time we had a church family and a support system.  We didn't even have a clue where we were supposed to be going, just that perhaps our time there had come to a close.  

So we began visiting other churches.  First we went back to the church we had come from for awhile, just because we didn't know where to go.  While I didn't know exactly where we were supposed to go, I just knew that it had to be a Baptist church that preached the truth from the Bible.  A good children's program was important and a kickin' music ministry would be a major plus.  We visited a few places that just didn't feel "right".  We had two boys by this time and it was always so stressful to get everyone ready, so I really wanted to find a church close to home.  The one place in Gainesville where I had no interest at all in visiting was Free Chapel.  

A friend of Chris' from work had invited us several times.  Chris wanted to give it a try but I was adamant.  I did NOT want to go there for these important reasons that I had heard all of my life:  They handled snakes and I was afraid of snakes.  They made everyone there fall out and speak in tongues.  Members had to turn in their bank statements and tax forms so that the church could be sure to get all of their tithe money.  And if you got caught not tithing, you got kicked out.  You also had to pay for your parking space. I hated mega churches, (even though I had never been to one). And besides, we were Baptist people!  

One Sunday we had decided to visit our old church.  We were on the way when I realized that we were late because the service started at 10:30 instead of 11:00.  At that moment Chris' phone rang.  It was his friend from work calling to invite us to Free Chapel.  "Oh, fine!  Whatever you want to do.  At least we will get to hear some good music.  Let's just go so he'll quit asking us!  And I'm not giving them any money!"

So we went.  

Now remember, I had never been to a big church before.  I was used to arriving at church 10 minutes before service, dropping the kids off, and then enjoying church.  We pulled into the madhouse of a parking lot at Free Chapel.  I honestly felt as if I was at a Braves Game or something.  Cops were directing traffic and shuttle busses full of people were driving back and fourth all over the place.  It took for-ev-er to even get into the building.  And then we didn't know where to go.  We looked for our friend but he was running late.  So I was forced to make contact with one of the ushers.  He directed us down the stairs to the children's ministry along with about a million other people.  

I was so overwhelmed!  

I really wanted to go running back to the car!

But then I saw a familiar face.  Shaun's soccer coach from when he was 4.  He and his wife took us under their wings and showed us what to do.  We had to fill out forms.  Something else new.  It seemed to take forever and all I could think about was that by the time we got back upstairs the music was going to be over and that's the only reason I wanted to be there in the first place.  We finally got the kids dropped off and met up with Chris' friend.  He led us into the auditorium.  I saw Pastor Jentezen Franklin on the stage.  I recognized him from the billboards around town advertising the Forward conference.  He was singing "The Old Rugged Cross".  As the ushers found us seats up in the balcony and we began to climb (and climb and climb) to our seats I was grumbling to myself, "Hmmph.  If I wanted to hear this song again I could've just stayed at our old church".  

And then we found our seats and the sermon began.  I enjoyed myself.  No one asked for my bank statement or threw a snake at me.  No one even spoke in tongues.  At the end of the service I realized something.  We were home.  

Yes, it was different and it took some getting used to.  That was over six years ago.  We are still there.  Our kids are growing up under Godly leadership and being taught the true Word of God.  We love it there as much as we did all those years ago.  Chris even has a job there, so really, our church is our life! Most of our close friends are people from church.  Some of them have truly become our family.  We have a niche.  We have our people.  When something goes wrong (or even when something goes right) our "people" are first in line to pray with us, bring us food, watch our kids, or anything else we need.  And vice versa.  I really can't imagine doing life without our church or our church family.

To my Christian friends out there who don't have a church to call home, I say this: 

Try to find one!

It really is so important to find a place to worship.  We all need to be hearing from the Lord on a regular basis, and we also need fellowship and friendships with other believers. 

One other thing I've learned on this journey is to not get too caught up with labels.  When we began looking for a church I only wanted to visit Baptist churches.  I never, ever thought I would go to a Pentecostal church.  Or Non-Denominational.  Whatever we are!  There's no doubt in my mind that God wanted my family at Free Chapel.  He had plans for us and we would have missed out if I had stuck to my guns and not visited that Sunday.  Yes, its big and sometimes loud and crowded and not at all what we were used to, but our relationship with Jesus is more important than all of that.  When we began to focus on Him and get involved, our big huge church became really small.  Big or small.  Baptist, Methodist, whatever.  Find a church who's members love the Lord and will challenge you in your walk with Him.  

You'll be so glad you did!

Double Digits

Sweet baby Violet.  

How can you be 10 months old already?

We love you, beautiful girl!

Forward 2013

This weekend was Forward weekend.  Shaun's first Forward Conference! On Thursday morning Jordan went to stay with my sister. Shaun, Chris, Violet, and myself headed to Duluth for the weekend.  Our friends from church, the Morrows, hooked us up with a good deal on a hotel room and it was sooooo nice to not have to drive 45 minutes to and from the Gwinnett Arena before and after each session.  Chris was a "tribe leader" and had to arrive early, and I loved having the option to stay in the room with Violet if I needed to.  

We had a great weekend.  I loved watching Shaun experience Forward for the first time.  The music was great, the speakers and messages were better.  And of course, the people!  We love our church family so much and spending the weekend with them was fun!  We are blessed.

I didn't take many pictures.  My phone died and I can't upgrade for 9 more days.  A friend was nice enough to loan me an old phone of his until I get a new phone, but I can't figure out how to use the camera.  Since I mostly use my phone to take pictures, I was out of luck.  Plus, I was busy with Violet.  She is one of those babies who never really sleeps well unless she's in her own crib.  She usually falls asleep by herself as soon as we put her down in her crib.  We were ALL missing that crib this weekend!   She was so happy to see it last night.  I think I actually saw her hug it a little.  Ha!  She was really good.  I took her into the service on Thursday and this is what she did during the games, tribal wars, and the music:

She curled up in Bo's arms and slept through everything...until the preaching started.  Then she was wide awake!  She was distracting everyone, so I took her backstage with Chris and let her explore.  This is where she and I spent the rest of the conference.  She was able to crawl and walk and eat and nap and be held and loved on by her church family and we were still able to see everything that was going on in the service.  

As I mentioned before, Chris was a tribe leader for the Cowboys.  This is the only photo I can find tonight:

You can't truly appreciate the outfit in these picture...the huge, orange hat and the furry chaps.  He was quite the sensation. Ha ha!  He was a big hit with the crowd and was even recognized by some out of towners at church today while he was in his "regular" clothes.  He had a great time and has already said he hopes to do it again next year.  

Shaun had a great time too.  He even remarked that Forward is better than Summer Xtreme...his Daddy didn't really know how to respond to that!  Shaun was in the Pirate tribe and really got into the spirit of things.

He said his favorites were Rich Wilkerson, Jr. and Lacrae.  I have to admit, I was impressed with Lacrae.  We're not really "rap people" but he was genuine and as a friend of ours said, "he has a story".  Jesus radiated from him, and that's good enough for me!  He's coming back for Forward 2014, so maybe I'll even learn some of his songs by then. 

Even more important than all the "fun stuff", the word of God was brought to our teenagers this weekend.  Jesus was poured out to them and I know many of them will never be the same.  The adults, too!  I know I was encouraged.  It was a wonderful weekend but we are worn out!  Looking forward to sleeping in a little tomorrow.  

Here are a few more pictures, all courtesy of my friend Rachel.  

On how God provides

I've been thinking a lot lately about provision. The Hubs and I have had our share of hard financial times throughout our almost-14-year marriage.  We married young.  I was only 18 and he was an older man.  21 whole years old.  They say hindsight is 20-20 and it really is.  I do NOT recommend getting married so young.  I know I married the right man, but sometimes I think about how much easier everything would be if we'd waited and established ourselves first before we tied the knot.  

But we didn't, and here we are.  We've "made it", despite the odds.  Not that we're letting out guard down and expecting everything to be smooth sailing from here on out, but 14 years is a loooong time to be married in today's time.  We thank God every day for holding us together.  We couldn't have done it without Him.  

Back to provision.  When we married, we had no money.  Zilch.  We totally existed living paycheck to paycheck, even with both of us working full time.  Back in those early days, Chris was in a rock band.  We were "walking the fence" with our faith, attempting to get in church and do right but we really struggled with letting go of "worldly" things.  One particular night Chris' band had a paying gig.  For those of you who know anything about struggling musicians, those are sometimes few and far between.  Most gigs were played for exposure and free beer.  This particular night, though, the band was paid hundreds of dollars.  Chris, as the front man was given the money and he put it in his pants pocket.  See how responsible we were with money??  Ha!

The next day it was time to divide up all that cash between the band members.  And Chris couldn't find the money.  Anywhere.  It wasn't in his pockets, his guitar case, my purse, our car.  Nowhere.  We searched and searched to no avail.  Finally it was just decided that someone had stolen all of the money and we'd never see it again.  A decision was made to purchase a cash box so this would never happen again and everyone went on their way.  

Years passed.  Our lives changed.  We had rededicated our lives to the Lord and were finally living in His will, but we still had no money.  We had both been in church before but we'd never been tithed our money.  When we rededicated our lives to the Lord we decided to go all the way.  Since the Bible instructs us to tithe, we began doing it.  

The concept of tithing did not come easily for me.  Honestly, I HATED giving up our money every payday.  It stressed me out.  That ten percent can sure seem like a lot, can't it?  It took a long, long time for me to get to a place where I didn't get nauseated at the thought of writing the church a check.  I would literally put our check in the offering plate and get a cold sweat from worrying about what sort of emergency we would surely need that money for. I pressed on and continued to tithe, mainly because Chris insisted on it.

Back to my story.  It was one of those times where everything happened at once.  Shaun was sick and needed medicine, I think one of our cars had broken down, and some other random things all had to be taken care of.  We did tithe, but at the end of the month we didn't have enough money for our power bill.  It was down to the wire.  Our power had been scheduled to be cut off the next day and we were about to have to swallow our pride and ask my parents for money.  We both prayed to God to somehow make a way for us to pay that bill.  

Chris was looking for something to wear and pulled on a pair of pants he hadn't worn in a while.  He felt something in his pocket, reached in, and pulled out a wad of cash.  The same wad of cash that went missing years ago. Our share was just enough to pay that power bill.  It's been ten years and I still get chill bumps when I tell this story.  

Here's another.  A few years later, same basic situation.  This time, the matter was food.  So many things happened at the same time again and we didn't have grocery money.  I was in a panic, Chris - of course- was calm.  We went to church that night and I was worrying about what we were going to eat until payday.  Granted, it was just a few days away, but we had kids to think about!  I was talking to a friend after service, about something totally unrelated to food, and she gave me a huge brown paper bag. "Would you like this food?  I made it for someone who was sick, but there was a mix up and they don't need anymore meals because several other people also brought food for them tonight.  I was going to just take it home, but you're welcome to it you'd like."

This friend of ours had no idea how much her kindness and generosity blessed us.  We certainly weren't going around announcing our hardships to everyone.  Quite the opposite, actually. We opened that bag when we got home that night and discovered that it held three complete meals.  Exactly what we needed to last until pay day.  

And one more.  Christmas time a few years ago.  We had already bought our presents, but were almost out of Propane at home.  This was a really bitter winter and we were having to have Propane brought out twice a month.  Crazy expensive!  I was in a panic (again!) about what we were going to do.  After church that night Chris received an unsigned Christmas card containing a thousand dollars.  Once again, we weren't telling people about our needs.  We had too much pride for that!  We were praying and trying to trust God to be on time with what we needed and He really showed out this time!  We filled up the propane tank, bought a ton of groceries and got tires for one of the cars.  

There are more.  I could go on and on, but these are the three stories that I feel led to share with you tonight.  I'm not sure why.  Some of you may not be able to relate to this post, but I know that some of you will.  It took a long, long, time but I am finally at a place of trusting God to provide what we need.    I have such a hard head.  Most people would have trusted Him after the first dramatic act of provision.  Ha! 

I am not proud of this, but there have been times when we've fallen off the tithing wagon.  This was my fault.  God has really put me in my place a few times.  I remember one time I sat in church and had a battle with Him during worship time before the offering was taken up.  I had written a check but it wasn't for ten percent.  I ripped up that check and wrote another one for a little bit of a larger amount.  It still wasn't ten percent though, and I was so convicted that I ripped up that check too and finally wrote another one for the correct amount.  I laugh when I think about that now.  What a control freak!  It's not like I was dealing with giving away huge wads of cash.  Anyway, all that to say that now our family is 100 percent faithful with our tithing.  God has shown me that if we give Him back what's His and don't waste what we have left, we will always have enough for what we need.  It may not come in traditional ways, but it does always come.  And it's always so sweet!

To anyone reading this-  please, please do not think I'm trying to come off braggy or "holier than thou".  I just felt led to share our story.  

God-Moments

Sometimes I write just to be writing.  To record our days so that I don't forget events and sayings and funny things the kids are doing in each season of their lives.  Then sometimes God tells me what to write.  Or He does something so amazing for me that I can't not share it.

This is one of those times. 

The kids and I went to noon prayer service today.  Jordan had been wanting to go so that he could do communion.  I love that he's so excited about communion, but I really didn't want to go to prayer service.  The only reason I wound up going was because Violet had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and we would be in town all day anyway.  If we went to prayer service first, we could ride together and save a little gas money.  

So, we went to church with Chris and had two hours before service started.  Violet took a nap and the boys did some school work while we waited.  Finally, it was time and we went in and got our little communion cups.  

The service began and it was really good.  Just what I needed to hear.  The pastor who preached referenced the message from this past Sunday.  Perry Stone brought a good word about "speaking to our mountains".  During the sermon today we were asked to think about our own personal mountains and then were given time to reflect and pray.  One particular mountain I'm currently facing is an old enemy of mine.  Depression.  Yuck.

It's been almost a whole year since I've dealt with this ugly demon.  I know for a fact that I was delivered from it last summer. But lately I've been feeling it try to creep back in.  I'm overwhelmed. And let's face it-  my three kids have been giving me some fits lately. I've also been struggling with forgiveness.  Feeling bitter.  I think I wrote recently that bitterness was not becoming on me.  Well, it's still not!  My joy's been slipping away.  

Violet got fussy during the prayer portion of the service.  I was going to take her out into the lobby but she settled down on my way out. I  decided to stay in the back of the auditorium. And I started speaking to my mountain.  What started out as speaking to my mountain soon had me in tears.  I cried out to God to wrap his arms around me and give me my joy back!  I asked for help in seeing the good things in every moment, the good things in my kids, the good things in my marriage. I paced around, prayed in the spirit, and cried until it was time to do communion.  The service ended and I didn't feel any difference except that now my eyes were all gritty from my tears.  I sat down in a chair to wait for Chris to get his things together so that we could go to lunch.  

Out of nowhere a woman I've never seen before began making her way toward my from the front row.  She pulled me to my feet, wrapped her arms around me, and through her tears began telling me that my family was beautiful, that I was beautiful, and that my marriage was beautiful.  She prayed for God to continue to bless us.  When she was finished, I looked at her and said "You have no idea how much I needed that today.  Thank you!".  She gave me one more hug and said, "Don't forget.  You are blessed!".

I am, indeed.  

I write all this to say to you, my friends, that God cares.  He cares.  He cares when we're tired and stressed and ready to pull our hair out as we strive to live in His will and do what He's called us to do.  He cares enough to send down little God-moments when we're at our lowest.  

  I don't think I've ever prayed specifically for God to wrap his arms around me before.  Today, 10 minutes after I prayed that prayer, I get enveloped in a hug by a total stranger who basically parroted back answers to my prayers to me.  What an amazing moment.  For all I know, that woman was an angel sent from God to confirm to me once and for all that I don't have to be a slave to depression.  I CAN see the glass as half-full and I CAN have my joy back.  Even on days like the ones I've been having lately.  :)

Okay.  I've been going all day and now it's almost midnight and I'm tired.  I'm not going to proofread this before I hit "publish", so there's no telling how it'll look.  It may not be pretty, but it's what's on my heart.  

Say the Words!

I was at the park with the kids today when I had a "moment".  I glanced down at Violet, grinning up at me from her stroller as we watched the boys run around like crazy on the playground and was suddenly filled with gratitude that I am able to spend days with my kids.  No, it's not always easy and most days at some point I want to scream and pull my  hair out.  Those feelings aside, I am confident that I am living out what God has called me to do in regards to educating our children.  

I thought of Chris, who works really, really hard so that I don't have to work and we can keep the kids at home.  We may not live in a fancy house or have lots of material things.  We may have to sacrifice, but we have what we need and he works hard to provide for us.  And God whispered to me, "You should tell him!".  

It's not easy for me to share my feelings, but I did it anyway.  I sent him a text that read, "Thank you for working so hard so that I can stay home.  :)".

And right away he replied with, "Thank you for teaching my kids the right way."

Wow.  Of course, I cried.  

Four years ago we prayerfully made the decision to homeschool together.  I have never once doubted that we made the right decision for our family, the path God guided us toward.  Chris has never doubted, either.  But to hear those words of affirmation... it was so encouraging.  To know that he appreciates what I do at home the way I appreciate what he does at work.  I was walking on air the rest of the day.  

I write all of this to encourage my married friends to encourage your spouses!  I know, I know... my own marriage is far from perfect and I'm the last one who needs to be handing out unsolicited marriage advice, but I just could not believe how much hearing encouraging words from my husband made my day.  It made me want to be a better wife and it made me feel so close and connected to him.  This is the way we're supposed to feel toward each other, but most of the time life happens and we spend more time squabbling than speaking words of appreciation.  

I am so glad I listened to God today and took the time to send Chris that text. I think he blessed me more than I even thought about blessing him.  I hope he was encouraged, too. Everyone needs to feel appreciated and I am going to make an effort to speak encouraging words more often.  Lots more often!

Saved!

Yesterday was a crazy-busy day.  We were out of the house before 8:00 for my niece's first horse show, Shaun had a ballgame in Cleveland, and then we drove to Buford to Skate Country for Kids Day Out.  We were all so tired on the way back. Chris had to go back to church so the kids and I got an early dinner and then I had to go to Kroger for some baby food.  On the way to Kroger, out of the blue, Jordan asked, "What do you have to do to get saved?".

He's been asking some questions about salvation lately.  Mostly he'll ask where certain people are now, who have already passed away.  We've had a LOT of relatives die lately.  Sometimes the answers are easy..."Mamaw's in Heaven.  So is Pawpaw".  Other times, the answers aren't so easy.  Chris and I have tried to balance being honest with scaring Jordan to death by talking to him about hell.  

Yesterday in the car I was caught completely off guard by his question.  I caught a glance at him in the rear-view mirror and could tell he was serious.  I tried to explain very simply as I continued to drive down the road.  

"Do you believe in Jesus?  And God?  Do you believe that Jesus died for our sins?  Do you know that YOU sin?  Are you sorry?"

The answer to all of these questions was an emphatic YES with the exception of the last one.  That yes was more tearful.  I continued to try to explain to Jordan that all he needed to do was to pray to Jesus and tell Him all of that and that he wanted to live for Him.  

And just like that, the 4 of us driving to Kroger, he did.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  After he was finished Jordan looked up with bright eyes and exclaimed, "I just got saved.  I'm going to Heaven!".

The first person he wanted to tell was his daddy.  My phone battery was dead...no red bar even showing.  I knew he wouldn't be able to wait until we got home to call, so I prayed for God to help the call go through.  And He did.  Jordan was able to call Chris and then my parents.  I wish I had been able to have seen Chris' face.  I could hear the grin in his voice.  

After they'd finished talking we went on inside the grocery store and then Jordan wanted to call my parents.  Mom and Dad were camping on the lake and must have had a bad connection because I could hear my mom saying "What?  You shaved in the car?".  Ha ha!  And then Jordan kept shouting, "NO!  I GOT SAVED IN THE CAR!.  We finally got it all straightened out.  

After we got home I had the best time just watching Jordan.  He really looked and acted as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  

Freedom is a beautiful thing.  

A Change of Plans

I had today all planned out when I went to bed last night.  The kids and I were going to wake up early and do our school work so that we could meet my friend Kelli and her kids at the park after lunch.  

We did wake up early and I even managed to do science and history over breakfast.  Then Chris left to go to work.  As he was walking out of the door he called, "Are you coming to prayer service today?"  We sometimes meet him for noon prayer service on Wednesdays but I told him that we had other plans today.  Then he said, "Okay.  I'm singing at the service."

He says he told me this last night, but I just don't think so.  Otherwise I would have made plans to be there.  Either way, the boys wanted to go so I postponed our park plans with Kelli and we scrambled to get ready and complete some more school.  We actually got quite a bit finished.  We'll just have to make up a few things on Saturday to stay on track for this week.  The beauty of homeschooling!

When we got to church Chris' boss asked Jordan if he wanted to sing a song with his Daddy during the service.  Of course, she didn't have to ask twice.  They sang "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman at the end of the service.  That song is not easy to sing, but it's one of Jordan's favorites and he poured everything he had into it.  I was so proud of him!

This picture is terrible...the zoom on my camera's phone is so bad.  But can you make out his little mouth belting out the song.  I love it!

Chris' "boss lady" was in charge of preaching the sermon for prayer service today.  She preached about deliverance, among other things.  I needed to hear this.  I needed to be reminded that deliverance comes from the Lord.  In His time, not ours. We have some family members in desperate need of His deliverance and sometimes the waiting is so frustrating.  Jill's message kind of put me in my place a little bit.  :)

Oh, and Violet learned to sit up from a "crawling position"  during the service.  She was getting antsy and we were sitting in the back so I spread out her blanket on the floor and let her go.  Not too long ago she taught herself how to crawl in the Kidpak auditorium and that's where she learned to sit up, too.  I love that she is literally growing up in the church.  

After church we went to lunch with Chris and some of the guys from Kidpak.  That's always fun.  Then we had some time to kill.  Gas is so expensive, so we try to not make two trips into Gainesville in one day if we can help it.  The weather was nice today and the boys wanted to go to the park.  They played a little and then wanted to walk the trails.  And, they wanted to pose for pictures, which hardly ever happens.  

My handsome boys!

We walked for a LONG time.  The boys loved it and Violet did, too.  We went to the library next and then it was time for church.  The main service was amazing and from what I heard, so was the kids' service downstairs.  

We came home after church and had a late chili dinner and then watched Duck Dynasty.  

It was a pretty good little Wednesday!

Star-studded Sunday

Yesterday started out kind of blah for me, but things quickly changed once we got to church. I was so depressed because Jase Robertson from Duck Dynasty was in Georgia speaking at a church nearby and we weren't getting to go.  My boys and I are kind of nuts about Duck Dynasty and we were so disappointed when both of the events sold out before we could get tickets.  The pouring rain didn't help lift my mood, either.  We got to church and Chris and I went our separate ways the way we usually do.  We usually just see each other in passing on Sundays because we're doing different things so I was really surprised when he showed up at the info desk.  I was even more surprised when he asked me if I wanted to go see Jase Robertson that night.  He had found someone with two extra tickets for us.  

I was so excited!  Just the day before I had been thinking about how much I missed spending time with Chris... he's been so busy with everything and so have I.  When I prayed Saturday night I asked God to work it out for us to have a date night.  Date nights are getting harder to come by now that we have to find sitters for all three kids.  Ha! Big thanks to my parents who agreed to watch the kids at such short notice.  I always find it sort of funny when God answers little prayers like that.  He really does care about the "every day" stuff, too.  

Chris and I had a great time.  Jase Robertson did not disappoint.  He was funny and brought a great word from the Lord.  I only with that the boys could have come too.  And that we could have taken pictures!

That was Sunday evening.  A few hours before that, I was talking to some friends at church and we noticed that Matt Redman was in our vicinity. I love Matt Redman in the same way that I love Jase Robertson.  So many of his songs have ministered to me over the past 10 years.  I really, really wanted to have my picture taken with him but I was really, really too embarrassed.  So I asked my friend's daughter to ask him for me.  Ha ha!  I really have no shame, I guess, but I did get to meet him and he posed for a picture with us.  I was totally star-struck!

Afterward, we looked at our pictures and realized that Micah Massey was in the background.  He's our worship leader and his song "Your Presence is Heaven" just won a Grammy.  Actually, it tied for a Grammy with Matt Reedman's song "10,000 Reasons".  How funny is it that we got both of them in our picture?  We didn't want to make Micah feel bad, so we went back and asked for a picture with him, too.  I think we take him for granted because we see him every week, but I've never had a picture with him and I was finally able to tell him congratulations in person.  It was a good day!

Just Some More of God's Promises

My family has another fast under our belts.  This year's has been good.  So, SO good.  Different in the way the Lord has spoken to me and I'm excited about what's to come in 2013. Expectant.  I sense that we're in for an amazing year.  

One thing that's been different with this year's fast is the way I've been led to pray for my children.  In regards to the kids, Chris and I have always prayed for the same things during our fasts... salvation, health, protection, etc.  God threw something new at me three weeks ago and I began to pray for them to recognize God's calling on their lives while they are still young.  For God to reveal their passions and their purpose.  I want my kids to look outside of their own little worlds and get glimpses of the "big picture" of their lives.  

Shaun has been going up to the main service with me sometimes.  Today the congregation was shown a video about an upcoming mission trip to Peru.  We watched and learned about how the people there have no clean water and are being killed off by disease and starvation.  When it was over, Shaun tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "Mom.  I want to go there".  

"Go where," I asked.  

"There.  Peru.  I want to help those people.  Don't you?"

Well, not really.  I've always been very thankful that God hasn't called me to that type of mission field.  But I looked into the eyes of my soon-to-be 13 year old and saw  compassion.  And a longing.  

And I remembered what I've been praying for over the past 21 days. 

What an incredible moment.  For now, I think Shaun is still too young to go to Peru. But God has placed a desire in his heart and there's no doubt in my mind that he will be doing mission work in some form or other before too long.  Until then, our oldest son will be covered in prayer until he realizes the path God wishes him to take.  

My family and I went through the prayer line today and were anointed with oil.  I held Violet in my arms and kept my eyes on the boys in front of me as hands were laid and prayers were prayed over my children and I have never, ever felt such peach about their future.  

When we went through the same line last year I was newly pregnant and we had prayed for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Things happened, but God answered our prayers.  The same people who prayed for our daughter while she was still in my womb smiled and winked as they anointed her and prayed for her again.  

God is so good.