Teenagers

For about 7 months now, I've been the mom of a teenager.  It's so different than how I imagined.  When I was a teenager myself, I always thought I'd be so understanding and cool when I had my own teen to mother.  I'd never do anything to cause the eyes of my dear son or daughter to roll.  I'd never be the source of embarrassment, and for sure I would let them make their own choices.  On most things, that is.  

My, how times have changed.  It occurred to me the other day that I have, in fact, turned into my mother.  This is not such a bad thing, at least not as bad as I would have thought it to be way back then, during my teen years.  

My eldest son and I were having a conversation about deodorant a few days ago.  Yes, I did say deodorant.  It irks my nerves that he believes he knows everything.  I mean, he really does believe that he's right one hundred percent of the time.  For some reason he likes to put his deodorant on after he puts his shirt on.  Don't ask me why.  I didn't teach him this and neither did my husband.  I've tried and tried to tell him why it's better to put his deodorant on before his shirt goes on.   When I do this, I am blessed to witness the rolling of his eyes, a huge huff, and usually some remark such as, "I think I know how to put on my own deodorant.  Why do I have to do it your way?"

Now, I realize that this deodorant battle is not that big of a deal, but it's the only example I can think of at the moment.  

The real issue here is that he is in full belief that he knows how to put deodorant on better than I do.  Even though I've been wearing the stuff for approximately 20 years longer than he's been wearing it.  Whenever I bring up the fact that it might be easier to do it differently, and that I know what I'm talking about, I'm met with resistance.  The other day, during this conversation, it occurred to me that I behave like a teenager toward God sometimes.  I was so sobered by this thought that I let Shaun put on his deodorant any way he chose and just dropped the battle then and there.  The revelation that I have "teen to parent" relationship with my Heavenly Father was not an easy pill to swallow.  

Right now, honestly, regarding trust, I'm struggling  in some areas of my life.  I say that I trust God.  I want to trust Him, even now when I'm in a desert and not seeing the BIG PICTURE of how things are going to turn out.  I hear from God clearly during prayer and spending time in His word, and yet I still doubt Him.  People come to us with revelations that God has given them concerning our family's future...revelations that line up exactly with the revelations God has given me...and still I worry and try to fix things myself.  Because I think I know better. I totally, one hundred percent, believe that I know how to do things better than God does.  And when things don't go the way I think they should go, I must confess that I  roll my eyes, throw temper tantrums, and throw my fists into the air screaming "Why can't you let this happen?  Why are things like this?"  Basically, I say to God the same things Shaun sometimes says to me:  "You're ruining my life".  

Even though I know deep down that my Father knows best.  That He knows what He's doing and He'd never do anything to hurt me.  He loves me enough to tell me in multiple ways that my family is, in fact, in His will and things may not be easy right now, but that they WILL be better.  Letting go and letting God have His way is hard.  I want so badly to be one of those mature, super spiritual Christians who take everything in stride and never lose any sleep over what's going on in their lives.  I'm just not there yet.  Growing up and acting my age in terms of my relationship with my Heavenly Father is a step in the right direction, don't you think?