The Hubs and I spent a few hours in the E.R. tonight. Right before leaving for church I began cramping and bleeding. The doctor's office was about to close, so they sent us to the hospital.
Of course, I was crying and freaking out. Because that's me. It's what I do. But somehow, between our house and and the restroom at the hospital my heart experienced peace.
Remember that verse of "I've Got The Joy Down In My Heart" that goes "I've got peace that passes understanding down in my heart"? Well, for the first time in my life I think I really understood what that verse is talking about. The really cool part is that this peace came before we knew everything was okay. In fact, I was positive that we were losing our baby. I had been crying since we left our house and sniffling the whole time we'd been at the hospital. Then, as I was changing for my ultrasound, it happened. I swear that God Himself came into that restroom with me, wrapped me in His arms and gave to me a peace I didn't know was possible. At that moment, whatever the outcome of that ultrasound, I knew I'd be alright. It really was unbelievable.
So I had the ultrasound. The good thing and the bad thing about having a husband who works at your hospital is that everyone knows him. There were lots of introductions and awkward bouts of small talk. The ultra sound tech joked around with us and then told Chris to sit at my head so that he couldn't see the screen while she was working. After it was over I was able to relay my epiphany to Chris. The relief on his face made me cry a little more. And then we were sent back to my room to wait on the doctor.
And wait we did. For like an hour. While we were waiting, a nurse came in and started fluids. And we waited and waited. And I knew... just knew that we had lost our baby and I was being prepared for a D and C. And that was okay. I still had peace. I had been in contact with a few close friends through texting. One of them sent a text at that time asking how things were going. I told her that I was okay with whatever the outcome was. Then finally the PA came in and the first thing she said was, "Great news. Heart's beating 183 beats a minute".
Now, I must admit that I don't know the first thing about fetal heart rates, so I asked her if that was good. And she assured me it was. My hormone levels and blood work were also good. I was told that our baby is okay for now but that I was at risk of miscarrying because of the bleeding. And that I was to be on bed rest until 8:30 tomorrow morning when the doctor's office opens.
So here I am. It's 12:35 and I can't sleep. I'm feeling much, much better. Just not tired at all. And still very, very peaceful. Am I nervous about the appointment tomorrow? Of course. But in my heart, I know He has a plan for me and I'm at peace with whatever that plan may be.
If you pray, please be in prayer for us in the morning. Pray that our baby is safe and healthy and that I never lose this peace in my heart.
Of course, I was crying and freaking out. Because that's me. It's what I do. But somehow, between our house and and the restroom at the hospital my heart experienced peace.
Remember that verse of "I've Got The Joy Down In My Heart" that goes "I've got peace that passes understanding down in my heart"? Well, for the first time in my life I think I really understood what that verse is talking about. The really cool part is that this peace came before we knew everything was okay. In fact, I was positive that we were losing our baby. I had been crying since we left our house and sniffling the whole time we'd been at the hospital. Then, as I was changing for my ultrasound, it happened. I swear that God Himself came into that restroom with me, wrapped me in His arms and gave to me a peace I didn't know was possible. At that moment, whatever the outcome of that ultrasound, I knew I'd be alright. It really was unbelievable.
So I had the ultrasound. The good thing and the bad thing about having a husband who works at your hospital is that everyone knows him. There were lots of introductions and awkward bouts of small talk. The ultra sound tech joked around with us and then told Chris to sit at my head so that he couldn't see the screen while she was working. After it was over I was able to relay my epiphany to Chris. The relief on his face made me cry a little more. And then we were sent back to my room to wait on the doctor.
And wait we did. For like an hour. While we were waiting, a nurse came in and started fluids. And we waited and waited. And I knew... just knew that we had lost our baby and I was being prepared for a D and C. And that was okay. I still had peace. I had been in contact with a few close friends through texting. One of them sent a text at that time asking how things were going. I told her that I was okay with whatever the outcome was. Then finally the PA came in and the first thing she said was, "Great news. Heart's beating 183 beats a minute".
Now, I must admit that I don't know the first thing about fetal heart rates, so I asked her if that was good. And she assured me it was. My hormone levels and blood work were also good. I was told that our baby is okay for now but that I was at risk of miscarrying because of the bleeding. And that I was to be on bed rest until 8:30 tomorrow morning when the doctor's office opens.
So here I am. It's 12:35 and I can't sleep. I'm feeling much, much better. Just not tired at all. And still very, very peaceful. Am I nervous about the appointment tomorrow? Of course. But in my heart, I know He has a plan for me and I'm at peace with whatever that plan may be.
If you pray, please be in prayer for us in the morning. Pray that our baby is safe and healthy and that I never lose this peace in my heart.
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