I WILL overcome

I've been down lately. I hesitated to write about this, but I know I'll overcome it and wanted to have something to look back on. When I do. Overcome this, that is. And I know I will, because God's promises are "Yes" and "Amen". Thanks, Pastor Richie!

What's got me down? Life, in a nut shell. Shaun is still hyper, Jordan won't obey, Chris has been working (and working and working) and traveling, I can't get the house cleaned, the yard looks like crap, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of feeling unappreciated, I'm tired of feeling as though my kids are being compared to others, I'm tired of this special diet we're trying with Shaun-- even though we haven't officially started it yet, and (warning: this is REALLY selfish) I'm tired of everyone making such a big fuss over my husband. Seriously. People at church act as if he hung the moon. And I'm stuck at home dealing with this mess. While he travels across the country and gets told over and over how awesome he is. And, to top it all off, he just got home from his last trip, came up and started telling me about his plane ticket was updated to first class last night. Yay for him.

Okay, I don't want to sound bitter. At least not TOO bitter. The point is, he IS awesome. He has amazing talent, he's a wonderful worship leader, and there's no doubt in my mind that he's doing exactly what God wants him to do. Which means that I'm doing what God wants ME to do-- supporting him and making it possible for him to work his ministry. But its tough here at home in this season we're in with the kids. I know God has it all worked out and He's going to use Shaun (and Jordan, too) for His glory. I sincerely believe there will be a day, if the Rapture doesn't happen first, that I will be able to look back on all of Shaun's accomplishments and say..."Wow. Lord, you really knew what you were doing all along. How foolish I was to freak out over silly things like medical reports and psychologicals".

I know the devil is a liar. I know its him whispering in my ear all day long that : I'm a failure with my kids; my kids will never succeed in anything; I'm a crappy wife and my marriage will never withstand the pressures that its under; my family's finances will never be cleared up; there's no way we can afford to eat the way we need to eat for Shaun's allergies; this diet won't make a difference, so he'll have to go back on medication anyway, so we'll be better off to go ahead and medicate; I'll never break free from my food addiction; I'll always have weight problems; I'm terrible because I can't manage to keep my house cleaned; I'm never going to be able to home school a child with a learning disability; its so unfair that Chris gets to go out and get all kinds of glory and attention; Chris doesn't appreciate me; I should just leave him and let him see how far he'd get without me; my family is disappointed with me; everyone is judging me; and no one understands what I'm going through.

Like I've said before, I know these are lies. So I'd like to take this moment to say: "SHUT UP, SATAN! GET OFF MY BACK. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME, MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN'S LIVES, MY HEALTH, MY KIDS' HEALTH, MY MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER THING YOU MAY BE PLOTTING AGAINST ME.

There now, that feels so much better! Now that he's under my feet, I can get on with my day.

Allergies

Who ever heard of someone being allergic to corn? I hadn't. But Shaun is. We visited a homeopathic specialist today and found out that (among other things) Shaun is also intolerant of wheat, gluten, MSG, milk, eggs, brown rice, and a whole slew of sweeteners and preservatives.

I was surprised. I suspected the gluten and already knew he was sensitive to dyes, but wheat? Milk? Who knew. Dr Chris is pretty sure that if we change Shaun's diet, a lot of his...um...how should I word this...unfavorable symptoms should be eliminated.

We're in for some major changes over here!

A dirty little trick...

Chris called me from work this afternoon. He sounded so crestfallen, saying that he was going to have to work late again and, therefore, miss Jordan's preschool graduation performance. I pouted a little bit, but assured him is was okay. I hung up the phone and burst into tears. I could see an(other) endlessly long and stress-filled night stretching out in front of me. Not only would he miss Jordan's first ever school event, but now I would have to single-handedly get my boys bathed and ready and to the church by 6:30. Oh yeah, and now I'd have to figure in eating time before we left, because there's no way I'd take my two wild men into a restaurant by myself after the program. Which meant that I'd have to come up with something to cook. And lets not forget how wonderful it wonderful it feels to be the 5th wheel of my family...sitting in the sanctuary with my parents, grandparents, and sister and brother-in-law. I had a "woe is me" moment. Then I prayed for patience and calm attitude and set out to make the best of things. I was just about to dial my sister's number to ask if she'd mind getting to the church early with me, when I heard the unthinkable-- the sound of keys in the door knob. And there was my husband. With a stupid "I gotcha" smile on his face. His words to me? "Didn't you figure I was on my way home since I called you from my cell phone?" Oh yeah. Seems like I should have made the connection. I guess I'm even more tired than I thought I was. But I'm so, so glad to have him home!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT have a really really REALLY rough week last week. My husband did NOT work for 36 straight hours, leaving me home to take care of our kids all by myself. And I do NOT realize how entirely and utterly selfish that sounds!

Anyone who knows me knows that I used to sing the praises of ADHD and other mood disorder medicines. So I did NOT make an appointment for Shaun to see a homeopathic specialist who will test him for food allergies before I result to medicating him again. NOT ME!

At Tae Kwon Do last week, Jordan went to the rest room. I did NOT become so engaged in a conversation with another mom that I didn't notice when Jordan waltzed out of the restroom minus his underwear and his shorts. I did NOT quickly scoop him up and sprint back to the restoom only to discover that he had locked his clothes inside the bathroom. I also did NOT have to walk to the front desk with my half-naked baby to obtain the key to the restroom. And all the other parents definitely did NOT have a huge chuckle at my expense.

After the same class, I did NOT load the kids into the van and decide to eat from a box AGAIN. I also did NOT forget, in my tired and frustrated state, to place the van in "park" when I got out to give the kids their KFC meals. My van was parked on an incline and should have rolled backwards, into KFC. So, my guardian angel was NOT working overtime when he gently nudged my van in the opposite direction...forward and into the parking lot curb. After all this, I did NOT silently thank God for always taking care of us and cry quiet, happy tears the rest of the way home.

I did NOT need a break from all of this drama by Friday night. So I did NOT send my tired, overworked husband (along with Shaun) back to church for a Children's event. I did NOT lay a guilt trip on him, saying how much he was needed there, and I also did NOT mention how much those little kids absolutely love him. When he (finally) left, I did NOT give Jordan half a dose of Benedryl to tire him out so that he'd go to sleep early. And when he did, I definitely did NOT collapse on the couch for 2 hours without moving a muscle. And it did NOT feel absolutely wonderful.

Actual conversations between myself and my children

Me : Hey Shaun. How was your day.
Shaun: Good
Me: Guess what? Jordan and I are coming to school for your class's party tomorrow.
Shaun: (Glances over at me from the passenger seat. Takes in my t-shirt, old work-out pants, and flip flops) Um. Can you wear real clothes when you come, so I won't be embarrassed?

And a little bit later...

Me: Jordan, guess who's gonna be your teacher tonight in your class at church? Me! Can I come into your class with you?
Jordan: No thanks. I'll just take Mrs. Joy.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

At the end of a very long shopping day with Jordan last week, I did NOT get him strapped into his car seat only to hear him say "Mommy, I gotta go pee pee". Upon hearing this, I was NOT simply too tired to wrangle him back into the Christian book store (where he had wreaked absolute havoc for the past 20 minutes) to use their restroom. So, therefore, I most certainly did NOT allow him to pull his pants/underwear down and pee into an empty Subway cup right there outside of our van in the parking lot for all to see. Nope, NOT ME!

My wonderfully talented first-born is shy and never likes to be the center of attention. So there's NO WAY that he would ever agree to be in a video for our church's children's ministry. He also would NOT do such a great job that would bring his mom to tears when she saw it. And there's NO WAY that the church's website would be down right now so that I can't post a link to share with everyone. I'm NOT totally frustrated about my inability to brag right now, either. Nope, NOT ME!

The Smith boys had a long day yesterday. They also had the bad behavior to go along with it. I am an extremely patient and understanding mama, so I would NEVER park those boys in front of a movie, wait until they were occupied, sneak out of the house, and march down the driveway to the "hickory bush". Once there, I would NOT pick out 3 of the best hickory switches from that bush in a fashion that would make my Mamaw proud. And I certainly would NOT threaten my sweet boys with a "spanking with the hickory" if they gave me any trouble about going to sleep last night. No way, NOT ME!

I was not born yesterday, no matter what some of you may thing. I watched tons of television throughout my childhood and one of my favorite things to do is laugh. So I did NOT watch my very first episode of "I Love Lucy" last night. And I did NOT laugh my head off and wonder why in the world I've never watched Lucy before. And I am NOT going to watch it some more when I get off this computer. Nope, NOT ME!

My sister is pregnant. My sister-in-law is pregnant. My friend is pregnant. I am NOT envying them just a little, even though my plate is full and overflowing from caring for my own children right now. NOT ME!

I did NOT give up on getting my oldest son to school on time. I know that would be terribly irresponsible of me. I do NOT rationalize this by thinking to myself that there are only 9 more days of school left and that he'll be homeschooled next year anyway, so who cares? NOT ME!

Happy NOT ME-ing, everyone!

Three Baby Mamas?!?

Jordan and I went to the mall today. He was so good at obeying Mama and staying in his stroller, so we stopped for a cookie and then sat at the fountain so he could eat it. While we were there, this man, who I've never met or seen before, sidled up next to us and began making small-talk. To make a long story short, he apparently thought I was a single Mama, since I wasn't wearing a wedding band. (Because I keep losing them, if you must know!)

Anyway, he started saying how he admired me being such a great mom because...in his exact words "...I know how it is. I got three baby mamas myself. And they all work hard".

There was an awkward pause as I tried to figure out exactly what he was saying...Did he mean that he has 3 children by 3 different mamas? That's the way I took it. And then there was another moment of awkward silence while I tried to figure out what in the world I was supposed to say to that...was he bragging? Is having 3 babies by 3 mamas something to brag about? And no wonder those 3 mamas have to work hard...obviously their "baby daddy" isn't doing too much to support those babies since he has a ton of time to wander around the mall on a week day. Okay, I know that's not fair. Maybe he works nights...

I snapped back to reality as I realized that he was gazing at me with a weird look in his eye. Then I made sure he knew that I was married to my "baby daddy". Then I strapped Jordan in his stroller, yelled "have a good day", and high-tailed it out of there.

I used to only attract girls. Now that I'm older I guess I've moved on to weirdos.

THAT woman.

Something occurred to me Sunday night during my trip to the grocery store. I had a flash back from when I was a newlywed. Remember now, that I got married at the tender age of eighteen. So wise (or so I thought) in the ways of the world! I remember going grocery shopping and feeling oh so grown up. I would march into the store, arm-in-arm with my hot husband and buy all kinds of unhealthy, expensive things. If we wanted chips and dip for supper, that's what we'd have. I loved that WE were in charge. Money was no object back then, so we got whatever we wanted. And it was fun.

But. No matter where we shopped, or the time of day we chose to go, there was always THAT WOMAN in the store. You know who I mean. The woman who marched into the store armed with her grocery list, her pencil, and oh yes...her coupon book. We always seemed to meet up with THAT WOMAN on every aisle. We'd round the corner needing ketchup and there she'd be. Taking up more than her share of the aisle while she critically looked at the different ketchup choices, squinted at her grocery list, and rifled through her coupon book. On every aisle. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But you get the picture. It seemed that we were doomed to follow her throughout the store. And then, somehow, we always wound up behind her in the check out line, where she watched the cashier like a hawk to make sure she didn't get over-charged and that all of her "deals" rang up correctly. Finally, just when we thought she was out of our hair, she would whip out her coupons. Her many, many, coupons. By the time she finally got out of her way, Chris and I would be smirking and rolling our eyes. How we scoffed!

What a shock to realize that I am now THAT WOMAN. Seriously. I am. And I'm not ashamed! I take great pride in the ability to feed our family of 4 for around $60 per week. And that's with all of our diet restrictions, too. The fact is, I feel downright naked if I go into Kroger without 1) my Kroger Plus card, 2) my grocery list, 3) my copy of the store flyer, and 4) my coupon book. Thanks to the wisdom of my baby sister, I am now an annoying, anal, coupon-clipping, bargain-hunting, price-comparing grocery shopper. I used to be self-conscious about it. Then I realized how much money we're saving.

Not to sound snooty or anything, but we spend way less than some of my friends who use convenience foods (Hamburger Helper, those boxed chicken dinners, etc). I had a conversation with a friend the other day who spends $150 per week on groceries for her family of 4. Wow. I told her what I usually spent and she didn't believe me. She asked if we ate only rabbit food. Ahem...NO! I explained that the kids have food sensitivities that required us to eat fresh, natural foods. And that, with the help of coupons and a little extra time price-comparing and menu-planning, I can indeed feed us all good, nutritious food for $60 per week. And I couldn't be more proud. So there.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My sweet husband did NOT offer to take the children to their respective schools this morning to give me a little break.

While over at my parents house yesterday afternoon, I certainly did NOT just assume that my mother had finished reading the new Karen Kingsbury book and swipe it for myself. And when I finish reading it tomorrow, I will NOT simply return it back to its original spot and hope no one notices.

My husband is NOT going on of town next weekend. He also will NOT be gone for Mother's Day. And, since I am such a supportive, Christian wife who does all she can to help her man succeed in his ministry, I am NOT insanely disappointed that I will not be treated like a queen this Mom's Day. Nope, NOT ME!

My family has been TV-free for over a year now, and we have no regrets about out decision. I don't miss it one bit. So, I did NOT ask my sister to Tivo the Oprah episode with Kirstie Alley as the guest. And I am NOT really looking forward to watching it.

I love myself and think I have no faults. So I definitely did NOT discover something about myself while grocery shopping yesterday. Something that I'll post about later in the week.

School is out in three...count 'em...THREE weeks. I am NOT even more excited about this than my kids are.

And lastly...I did NOT just type up an entire Not Me! Monday post that is all about MY shenanigans instead of those of my lovely children!

Weight Watchers is Not for Nine Year Olds

It seems that Shaun has been copying me on the sly. While I've been losing weight at Weight Watchers on purpose, he's been losing weight, too. Only while NOT sitting in on WW meetings. And not on purpose, either.

Shaun has always been a little below average in the weight department. Its been an on-going struggle to get him to eat and eat well. I think this is to be expected when his medications are taken into consideration. So a few weeks ago when I had to tighten the elastic in his adjustable-waist shorts, I didn't think anything about it. Then I had to tighten another pair of shorts. Then yesterday he put on another pair and they simply fell off. THEN, he spent the night with my parents last night. I picked him up this morning and my mom informed me that she was "shocked" by how thin and bony he is. I took a good look at him and saw that she was right. Every rib can be counted. He looks like he's starving. How could I not have noticed this? I know I see him every day, but when I really took the time to look, I was shocked, too.

Shaun weighed 61 pounds at his check-up about a month ago. Today his weight is 52 pounds. Woah. I normally would chalk a weight loss for him up to his meds, but we've weaned him off of the one that suppressed his appetite. I am proud to say that now he is only being medicated for ADHD and Epilepsy. So why the weight loss? Needless to say, I'll be calling the doctor first thing Monday morning. In the mean time, I'll be shoving food at him anytime I get the chance.

And, most importantly, I'll be coveting prayers.