On how Shaun melted my heart

Shaun's co-op class was assigned a "why I love my mom" type worksheet. The idea was for the children to present these to all of their mom's at our end of the year tea last week. Since we had to miss the tea, opting for a fun-filled day in the Emergency Room with Shaun's bruised knee-cap instead, I received mine yesterday.

And my heart is still mushy.

Here's what it said:

To My Teacher and Mom

You're a Great Teacher Because...

You believe... in me.

You show... me kindness.

You tell... me good things.

You always... do good things for me.

You take me... to the movies.

You help me... do things.

You never... stop loving me.

You let me... play XBox games.

You are the best... mom in the world.

But most of all, you're a great teacher because... you support me.

I got a little teary-eyed just typing it up again.

One of the (many) reasons Chris and I decided to homeschool Shaun was because of his self-esteem. When he was in public school, his sense of self-worth was non-existent. I'm not posting this to bash the school system or to say that his teachers were no good. We always had wonderful teachers who did the best they could with what they had to work with. I can honestly say that every teacher and para-pro we worked with genuinely cared for my child and wanted the best for him.

The negative issues, however, were still there. We agonized over the decision to pull Shaun out. Technically, I agonized while Chris waited for me to come to my senses. He had felt, from the time Shaun was in kindergarten, that we should be homeschooling. He has such faith in me! I worried that I wasn't qualified... I only have 1/2 of a degree, and its in Social Work instead of Early Childhood Education. I'm not known for either my patience or my organizational skills. And truthfully (this is so hard to admit!), my children just kind of get on my nerves sometimes. I love them and I'm so glad they're mine, but we can really get under each other's skin.

I actually fought against the whole concept of homeschooling for three years. I began to play this game with God. We'd try something new with Shaun at school and I'd say, "Okay Lord. If this plan doesn't work, then we'll bring him home". And of course, the plan never worked! It was around this time two years ago that I finally surrendered. We officially became a homeschooling family. I sent in our paperwork and almost vomited because I was still so unsure of myself.

And here we are, two years later. I won't lie. Its been hard. We've fought. Cried. Said things we've regretted. Made tons of mistakes. Felt like throwing in the towel. But its also been so worth it all to see how Shaun is growing. The educational stuff is nice. Math and reading have improved a lot. Writing is still not a strong point, but we'll get there.

Its even more meaningful to me to see how much Shaun has learned about life... about himself. He's becoming his own person. Yes, we still go through seasons of tough stuff, but his self-esteem is soaring compared to what it used to be. He's more out-going. He likes to interact with others. And the kindness of his heart simply amazes me.

I was so touched when I read his paper yesterday. To know that he thinks I'm kind to him. That I tell him good things and believe in him. To see him express that he knows I'll never stop loving him and that I support him. Every mother wants her child to know these things, but sometimes I feel as if my kids don't. Sometimes its so easy to get caught up in all the negative things that happen during our days... breaking up scuffles, having to enforce punishments, pointing out mistakes in school work... After doing all that I can forget to say something good. Like how brilliant both of my children are. How glad I am that God chose to give them to me. And how I love them with all my heart.

I'm so thankful that, once again, God has shown me confirmation that we're doing the right thing for Shaun. And I'm happy that He used Shaun himself to do it.