I must admit that I usually don't mind sitting around in waiting rooms before a doctors appointment. Of course its an entirely different experience when I'm waiting on an appointment for my kids, but when its my appointment... I use the waiting room time to relax. Read a book. Play Words with Friends. Explore Facebook. Good times.
The past two times I've waited to see my PCP, however, have been anything BUT relaxing. Awkward would be a more appropriate term. Let's see. The first time was back in August. I was still on pain medication for my pesky Meningitis headache, so I couldn't drive. My sister dropped me off at my appointment and went to run errands. I entered the waiting room, signed in, and took a seat. Now. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it "frowned upon" to sit in the chair directly beside someone if there are ten other available chairs in the room? I thought so. I was sitting in my seat and feeling a little dizzy. Plus I had a splitting headache. I had my phone and had just logged onto Facebook when someone came and sat right beside me. Two people waiting in a huge waiting room with many, many other chairs to choose from and this bozo came and sat in the chair beside mine. I glanced up at him and flashed a quick smile just to be polite, then turned my attention back to my phone.
And then he began to talk. And talk and talk and talk to me about his many, many, medical problems. In all honesty, I don't remember much about exactly what he said. I was a little loopy from the meds. The image of this stranger's freshly-operated-on-bloated stomach, unfortunately will be forever engrained in my memory. Yes. I kid you not. He pulled up his shirt to show his stomach to me. Why? I don't know. All I could say was "Wow". Thankfully, my name was called shortly after and I went on with my appointment. When I was finished I walked outside to wait on my sister. Sat down on a bench and then... someone sat down beside me. Yup. It was Stomach Man. What a day.
Yesterday I went back to this doctor for a checkup. Signed in and looked around for a seat. The waiting room was kind of full, but I was still able to get a seat that was not directly beside someone else. Is there anything worse than having to sit right beside some stranger in a waiting room? Its one of my pet peeves. So, I was relieved that there was an empty seat between myself and the other man who was sitting on that row of chairs.
I sat down and took out my phone. Before I could even type in my pass code, the man beside me asked if I was okay. I looked around to be sure he was addressing me. He was. I said sure, I was fine. And he said I looked a little stressed. I told him that no, I was just fine and then once again turned my attention to my phone. Have I mentioned here that I absolutely HATE being forced to make mindless small talk with strangers?
Once again, before I could even sign into Words with Friends, he started up again. Telling me about how he was so stressed because he was going through a divorce and now his blood pressure was high and he couldn't eat or sleep. I told him that when I couldn't sleep last summer my doctor had prescribed Ambien and it had worked like a charm. And I once again tried to turn my attention to my phone, silently wishing for just a little peace and quiet.
But, no.
Strange Man went on to tell me exactly why he's so stressed about his pending divorce. Apparently he was involved in a scam while on vacation in Costa Rica. He was scammed into marrying a woman who doesn't speak English. And, as it turned out, he doesn't speak Spanish. Upon hearing this tidbit of information, I just had to ask how in the world one is able to marry someone who doesn't speak the same language. Strange Man's answer was simple: they used interpreters. But the interpreters lied, you see. Because they were part of the scam. As were the lawyers Strange Man used to attempt to get his new bride out of the country and to her new home in the United States.
He went on and on. About how he proposed to this woman on their first date. About how he was told by the scammers that this girl needed to get out of Costa Rica, and so he agreed to marry a girl he didn't know just for that purpose. About how the girl wasn't part of the scam and was in fact a victim of scam, too. He went on and on about this girl. Finally I suggested that, since he sounded as if he really did love her, maybe he should just stay married and try to work it out. But no, he said. No, because they had gotten married for the wrong reasons. Well, duh.
And then he started in on their wedding night. About the five-hundred-dollar-per-night hotel suite. About how his wife wanted to bring her mother along. About how his new wife kept shying away from coming into the bedroom because... (and imagine him whispering to me as he said this as if we were confidants or something) "... you know, because she thought she wouldn't have to have sex with me". Ew. Awkward isn't the word.
At this point, I began to wonder if this was all a joke.
He talked about more about their wedding night and how wonderful it was once his new wife finally made it back to the bedroom. Gag. Trying once again to put an end to all of this insanity, I suggested again that he seemed to really like this woman and maybe he should just try to work it out. He sighed and said that her age was another thing that people were giving him flack about. That's when he asked me to guess his age. I gave him a doubtful look and he assured me that I wouldn't hurt his feelings. I am terrible at guessing ages. I assumed he was around my dad's age, so i guessed fifty or fifty-five. How I wish quick-thinking... I would have guessed eighty-five. Wonder what he would've said about that. Ha! If you're wondering, he is sixty-four years old and his wife is twenty-three. Again- ew.
Thankfully, the nurse called my name at that moment and the whole ordeal was over. I'm still laughing about the strangeness of it all.
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