One year later

Today marks the first anniversary of my grandma's "Heaven Day". That's what I'm calling it...I hate the terms "passing away" and "death" when it comes to my Mamaw. And, since I do know that she's in Heaven, April 10th will always be her Heaven Day.

It still seems so surreal. That she got cancer. And died. That my family was put through that, and that we made it. I can't believe she's been gone a year. The pain is still so raw. I would give anything to talk to her one more time. She was more than just my grandma. She was my friend. One of my best friends, in fact. I talked to her almost every day. I hung out with her. Oh how I miss our talks. And her prayers. I'm pleasantly surprised that Jordan remembers her. I'm so glad...I thought he would have forgotten her by now, but when he sees a picture of her he always announces "There's Mamaw".

I read several blogs of women who have lost their children. I honestly do not know how they handle it. If my grief is this strong for my grandma, I cannot imagine what it would feel like to lose my child. I pray I will never have to know.

My family had a cookout today. We had bad storms in the area (tornadoes, in fact) and I was kind of glad for them because they were a distraction. It still feels wrong when we all get together. But we had fun. We ate and ate and laughed and talked and ate some more. Keri-lyn got sick and threw up, so Lori and her family had to leave early. But it was still fun. I have the best family...I love my aunts and am so thankful for the chance to get to know them better. My cousins are pretty awesome, too. That's one good thing that came from Mamaw's cancer...we all came together to help her, and in turn we were blessed to discover that we actually like each other!

So, we made it through today. I've heard that grief is hardest the first year. I hope this next year is easier.