My prayer life has not been the best lately. This is especially disheartening since I've been fasting for 21 days with my church. I think this year was our 4th or 5th corporate fast, and I've never had this problem before. Usually it's the opposite. My prayer life soars during fast time. This year... I don't know. I've never been so unmotivated. At first I thought that maybe I felt like I wasn't truly Daniel fasting, because my doctor said it would be better if I would eat meat. So I did. Nothing fried or greasy, mainly just grilled chicken along with the fruit and vegetables. And it felt wrong. I felt like I was missing something from God because of that meat. I know that's silly. God knows that I'm pregnant and that the doctor told me to eat that meat, and He knows the desires of my heart. I was still distracted.
And then, two weeks into the fast came the morning sickness that lasted all day. I had been fasting bread and crackers but had to add them back in. I felt so guilty the first time I ate some crackers, like I was driving a huge wedge in between myself and God. I would try to pray but wound up getting sidetracked. Not because I didn't need to pray. I have a personal prayer request list that's a mile long. More like I just didn't know where to start. I'd pray and feel like my prayers just bounced back to me off the ceiling. It was like God wasn't even hearing them.
Cue Jordan's behavior issues at church. That boy has a mind of his own, and frankly, we don't know what to do about it. We've prayed and prayed for him to be obedient and respectful. He gets punishments and consequences when he does wrong, but so far nothing is working. Truthfully, I was beginning to think our prayers were falling on deaf ears.
Last week I went took Jordan to a play date at a friends house. This is a new friend of mine and her daughter is Jordan's age. We met back at the "old" co-op last fall and realized that we go to church together. This sweet lady was a Godsend to me during the plate date. We were discussing the fast and she was going on and on about how close she was getting to God during this fast and how she didn't want it to be over. In all honesty, she was beginning to make me feel like the worst Christian on the face of the Earth! Then she began telling me about how she prayed as a new Christian. After her salvation, she would pray during her daily walks. Into her cell phone. You know, because she likes to pray out loud and didn't want anyone to think she was nuts. At first she had the same problem as me. In reality, she didn't think she knew how to pray. So, she just asked God to teach her how to pray and what to pray for. And after awhile it worked!
I was floored. I'm not a new Christian. I'm not even newly rededicated. And it had never, ever occurred to me to ask God to lead me in the direction of my prayers. This morning, I tried it and I was amazed. I began to pray about things I didn't even know I needed to pray about. It was truly amazing. One of the most intimate times I've had with the Lord in a long time.
Later on in the afternoon I received a tweet with a link to this article. I love it when God confirms things for me so blatantly.
Now, I'm praying in a whole new perspective. Not for things I want, but for God's will to be accomplished. And before I say amen I make sure to thank God for loving me enough to send spirit-filled friends and blogs to keep me enlightened.
And then, two weeks into the fast came the morning sickness that lasted all day. I had been fasting bread and crackers but had to add them back in. I felt so guilty the first time I ate some crackers, like I was driving a huge wedge in between myself and God. I would try to pray but wound up getting sidetracked. Not because I didn't need to pray. I have a personal prayer request list that's a mile long. More like I just didn't know where to start. I'd pray and feel like my prayers just bounced back to me off the ceiling. It was like God wasn't even hearing them.
Cue Jordan's behavior issues at church. That boy has a mind of his own, and frankly, we don't know what to do about it. We've prayed and prayed for him to be obedient and respectful. He gets punishments and consequences when he does wrong, but so far nothing is working. Truthfully, I was beginning to think our prayers were falling on deaf ears.
Last week I went took Jordan to a play date at a friends house. This is a new friend of mine and her daughter is Jordan's age. We met back at the "old" co-op last fall and realized that we go to church together. This sweet lady was a Godsend to me during the plate date. We were discussing the fast and she was going on and on about how close she was getting to God during this fast and how she didn't want it to be over. In all honesty, she was beginning to make me feel like the worst Christian on the face of the Earth! Then she began telling me about how she prayed as a new Christian. After her salvation, she would pray during her daily walks. Into her cell phone. You know, because she likes to pray out loud and didn't want anyone to think she was nuts. At first she had the same problem as me. In reality, she didn't think she knew how to pray. So, she just asked God to teach her how to pray and what to pray for. And after awhile it worked!
I was floored. I'm not a new Christian. I'm not even newly rededicated. And it had never, ever occurred to me to ask God to lead me in the direction of my prayers. This morning, I tried it and I was amazed. I began to pray about things I didn't even know I needed to pray about. It was truly amazing. One of the most intimate times I've had with the Lord in a long time.
Later on in the afternoon I received a tweet with a link to this article. I love it when God confirms things for me so blatantly.
Now, I'm praying in a whole new perspective. Not for things I want, but for God's will to be accomplished. And before I say amen I make sure to thank God for loving me enough to send spirit-filled friends and blogs to keep me enlightened.
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