my epic fail

I'd been looking forward to tonight's dinner all day. Chris and I are still fasting, but I found a website full of delicious recipes called Ultimate Daniel Fast. Sometimes it's like we're not even fasting anymore, this food's so good!

Two Bean Burgers was on tonight's menu. I'd never made black bean burgers before, but they made it sound so easy. In addition to the burgers I'd planned to have corn on the cob and some sauteed zucchini, squash, and onions. Yum.

Well, black bean burgers are a lot harder to make than I thought. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but these "patties" didn't cook correctly. In the end they basically looked like piles of re-fried beans. They tasted alright, I guess, but nowhere close to what I was expecting. To top it off, I emptied about half a jar of soy sauce on top of the veggies because someone had dropped the jar, broken it's lid, and then put the broken jar back into the refrigerator without telling anyone. I tried to pour the vegetables into a colander and let the excess sauce drain off, but they still came out nasty. I did manage to not mess up the corn on the cob, but by that time nothing tasted good to me. I was so disappointed.

I haven't had a meal turn out that badly since I was a newlywed.

Maybe one day I'll laugh about it, but right now I'm still hungry. So I'm making myself some popcorn.

meeting the peanut

I had my first official OB appointment today, and Chris and I were so blessed to be able to "meet" our new little peanut. Chris calls the baby a peanut. So I guess I will, too.

The appointment went well. One funny thing was that we were asked by several nurses if this was our first baby. They all seemed so surprised when we announced that this was indeed our third baby because, and I quote, "You both look too young to have three children". I took that as a definite compliment, even though I think we look every bit- if not more- as old as we actually are.

I was worried about this appointment. I had prepared myself for every possible scenario that could have went down today. In fact, when the ultrasound began I had my eyes closed until I heard a heart beat. It was music to my ears. I know living in fear is no way to go through a pregnancy, or life for that matter. My faith is really lacking in this area. I've had two NICU babies, and I just always expect the worst. I would appreciate any prayers for this. I want to be able to expect the best, not the worst. Hopefully I'll get there soon.

Like I said, the appointment was good. I love my doctor and feel comfortable that he'll take good care of us. He did such a good job with Jordan. I'll have to write about his birth story soon. There are some extremely funny parts to it!

We were kind of surprised today because the ultrasound revealed that I'm not as pregnant as I thought I was. Previously, my due date was September 4, which put me at 7 1/2 weeks. Today my due date was changed to September 13, which means I'm only 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant. So, I was only 4 weeks pregnant when I took my first test. No wonder I was acting hormonal! Apparently I ovulated later than I thought. Those ovaries of mine are always causing confusion!

I can't end this post without mentioning that Shaun requested prayer for me at co-op yesterday. Unprompted and in front of everyone he announced that his mother was pregnant and that he was praying for everyone to be healthy. I love him, and I love that he has such a tender heart.

review number 8: Longing

Longing (Bailey Flanigan #3) by Karen Kingsbury

Published October 25th 2011 by Zondervan

ISBN: 0310276349

Genre: Christian Fiction

Summary from Goodreads:
Longing, book three in the Bailey Flanigan Series, picks up where Learning ended. After a long and lonely silence from Cody Coleman, Bailey Flanigan becomes closer to her one-time Hollywood co-star, Brandon Paul. Nights on the town in New York City and long talks on the balcony of Brandon's Malibu Beach home make Bailey dizzy with new feelings and cause her to wonder if her days with Cody are over forever.Meanwhile, Cody's work coaching a small-town football team has brought him and his players national attention. In the midst of the celebration and success, Cody finds himself much closer to a woman who seems to better understand him and his new life. Even so, never does much time go by without Bailey and Cody experiencing deep feelings of longing for each other, longing both for the past and for answers before they can move forward.Will an unexpected loss be the turning point for Cody? Will Cody and Bailey find a way back together again for the first time in more than a year? And if they do, will their brief time together be enough to help them remember all they've been longing for?

My mom turned me on to Karen Kingsbury way back when I was pregnant with Jordan. I love the strong values and the fact that there's not always a happy ending in these books. I started with The Redemption Series and have worked my way through most of her novels. That said, I've "known" Bailey Flanigan since she was in high school. Now, in Longing, she has graduated from college and is living in New York City while working as a dancer on Broadway.

Honestly, Baily's not my favorite Kingsbury character. I find her somewhat annoying. Can't really put my finger on the reason why. Maybe she makes me feel like a hypocrite or maybe I'm burned out on her. I am, however, nosy enough to find out who she finally ends up marrying. She's having a hard time deciding between Brandon and Cody. If anyone cares, I'm Team Brandon all the way. Cody's had chance after chance to win her heart, and he still can't get it right. I'll have to wait until the next (and final) book in this series. I have a feeling Cody will be the winner.

But back to Longing. I just didn't like it. I found it predictable. I did read it in one day, but I skimmed a lot. Like I said, at the end of the day I really just want to find out who Baily's Prince Charming is.

This one just didn't do it for me.

2 stars.

review number 7: Immanuel's Veins

Immanuel's Veins by: Ted Dekker
Published September 7th 2010 by Thomas Nelson
ISBN: 140031674X (ISBN13: 9781400316748)
Genre: Fiction

Summary from Goodreads:
This story is for everyone--but not everyone is for this story.

It is a dangerous tale of times past. A torrid love story full of deep seduction. A story of terrible longing and bold sacrifice.

Then as now, evil begins its courtship cloaked in light. And the heart embraces what it should flee. Forgetting it once had a truer lover.

With a kiss, evil will ravage body, soul, and mind. Yet there remains hope, because the heart knows no bounds.

Love will prove greater than lust. Sacrifice will overcome seduction. And blood will flow.

Because the battle for the heart is always violently opposed. For those desperate to drink deep from this fountain of life, enter.

But remember, not everyone is for this story.

We all know I have a thing for vampires and I've always had a thing for a Dekker Novel. Was there ever any doubt that a Ted Dekker novel about vampires would become one of my favorite books? That said, the above synopsis is true. Not everyone will be for this story. It's hard to read. The subject of this novel is one that has always fascinated me: the "fallen ones" of Heaven. The angels that were kicked out with Lucifer. Then, the other night I read this little doozy in Genesis:

This was back in the days (and also later) when there were giants in the land. The giants came from the union of the sons of God and the daughters of men. These were the mighty men of ancient lore, the famous ones. Genesis 6:4, The Message

I must have read this verse a million times, and I'd never paid much attention to it until now. I almost fell out of my chair when I read it this time, because it means that the characters in Immanuel's Veins could have been real. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one!

There are a lot of themes in this novel, but the one that stuck with me the most is sin.

Sin.

It sneaks up on us. Wraps it's ugly little fingers around us and before we know it we're doing things we'd never dreamed of doing. Things that repulse us. Things that make us ashamed. But even when we think we're too far gone, our Savior is waiting to take us back with open arms. He paid the price for our sin with His blood, after all. I don't want to give too much away, but I was moved to tears at this book's conclusion. Never have I been so in awe of my Father's unconditional love for me. I finished it at the doctor's office and I barely had my tears wiped away when she came into the room.

This was one of the best books I've read in a long time. I gave it 5 HUGE stars. I can't wait to read it again so I can pick up on all the things I missed.

our number 3

Yup, I'm pregnant.

It's so strange to see those words. I think I'm still in shock! We found out almost two weeks ago. We were going to keep the news to ourselves until the second trimester, but when have I ever been able to keep big news to myself? I know a lot could happen between now and then and, honestly, I'd love to have everyone praying for us.

Here's how it happened. Well, not exactly how it happened, but you know what I mean...

In November I realized that I was about to turn 31 years old. Something about that number made me sad... I've never wanted any more children but 31 is close to 35 and I'd always heard that women who have babies after they're 35 are considered "high risk". So I began entertaining the idea of maybe possibly wanting another one before it was too late. Honestly, I didn't think it would happen. Getting Jordan was a journey. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After a few months of trying for Jordan my doctor gave me this diagnosis and told me that if I wanted another baby we needed to make it happen by the time I turned 25. Apparently symptoms worsen with age. I began taking medication and, after 8 months of heartbreaking letdowns, we found out we were expecting.

Jordan was born, and we were good. I never, ever thought I'd want another one. Ditto for Chris. That was six years ago. I continued to have POS. After I turned 30 I really thought that I couldn't get pregnant again. Maybe that's why it was so easy for us to admit that maybe we wanted another one? I'm still trying to figure that out. Anyway, in November I began to toy with the idea of trying to conceive again. I brought up the idea to Chris and was so surprised that he felt the same way I did. We "officially" began trying for another one around Thanksgiving, fully expecting to still be trying months and months from then.

My cycle had been regular to the day for the past three months. On my birthday I told Chris I was a few days late. He just laughed and reminded me that I had always gotten my hopes up in the past only to have them crushed with a negative test. I decided he was right. And besides, none of the pregnancy tests were on sale at Rite Aid. So I let it go.

On January 2nd our classes at School of Discipleship started back up. Let me tell you, I was a beast that day. I'd been really tired since Christmas and that day, I'd never been more exhausted. I actually took a four hour nap that afternoon. We were at the mall before classes and I was so grouchy! At one point I looked at Chris and said, "Look, I know I'm being unreasonable, but I can't seem to stop. So I'm just going to walk away from you for a while." The Hubs claims to have known the truth at that exact moment. Ha ha!

After class we stopped at Kroger, and low and behold: pregnancy tests were on sale. So I bought one. And Chris made fun of me and warned me not to be disappointed if the results weren't what I wanted. I was annoyed at the time, but it was really sweet of him. He had to deal with me each time I took a negative test six years ago and I never thought much about how that was for him.

The kids and Chris had a "slumber party" in the living room that night. They watched a movie and I cleaned the kitchen. I went to take the test fully expecting it to be negative. And at first it was. I shrugged and began to brush my teeth. When I was done there was definitely a big red plus sign on that test. "Um... Chris...?" And then he called back, "Are you serious? That's so cool!"

I sent this picture to my mom, sister, and a few friends:
This resulted in many hysterical phone calls and texts of congratulations. Except from Kendra, who didn't notice she had a text from me until the next afternoon when I sent her another text asking if she'd gotten my previous text. To which she replied "no". And then five minutes later came the phone call. Love her!

We told the kids the other night. Shaun rolled his eyes in typical pre-teen drama and said, "Are you serious?". But now he's the one who can't stop telling people.

My favorite response so far has been from my friend Joanne. She said, "Woah. I guess God healed your ovaries!"

Yes, I guess He did!

I went to the doctor last week. He confirmed the pregnancy, gave me a due date of September 4, and told me to come back next Friday for an ultrasound.

I've been sick this time, more so than I was with the others. The tiredness is what's really getting to me.

I know its so early, but like I said, I would rather have people praying for us than keep this to ourselves. So if you pray, please agree with us for a boring, drama-free pregnancy and a healthy, happy child in late August!

blogger app

I just downloaded the Blogger App for my phone.  Kind of exciting.  Just wanted to test it out.  That is all!

i turned 31!

I turned 31 a few weeks ago. For the second year in a row, I wasn't drowned in the depths of depression on my birthday. I have never...ever...been able to enjoy my birthday because of the "holiday blues" or whatever they're called. I hope they're gone for good, because 30 and 31 were great birthdays for me!

My sweet friend Kendra invited me to lunch, and I brought my mom along. It was mom's first time at Mellow Mushroom. It was delicious. And then Chris met us over there after he got off work, and found a hair in his food. Kind of put a damper on things, but us girls had already eaten and at least he got his meal for free. Ha ha!

Kendra gave me The Hunger Games for my birthday. She always knows what I like! I love it. I've been really exhausted at night and actually falling asleep at a decent hour, or I would have finished it by now. I can't wait to read the rest of the series, and of course see the movie this Spring.

My mom took me shopping after lunch. We were only supposed to be gone for a few hours, but didn't get finished until almost 8:00. That's usually how it goes with us.

Chris and the kids met me in town when I was finished and took me to Outback for dinner. I had ribs. Jordan took one look and asked why my steak had toe nails. Oh, that child.

It was a great day, and I felt very blessed.

This weekend, I met up with my girlfriends for laser tag and dinner. Laser tag here in Gainesville is confusing, and I was horrible. The only person who did worse than me had a broken gun. I had fun anyway.

The teenage laser tag guy took this photo of us before we got started. I think he thought we were quite hilarious. Or maybe mentally challenged. Either way, he looked amused the whole time he talked with us.

Some of us are missing, but I can't say enough how blessed I am to have such a wonderful group of friends. We laugh, we cry, we pray, and we play. What more could I ask for?