Okay, God...I get it!

God has really been speaking to me clearly lately.  I'm talking about BAM-in your face kind of clearly.  Since this doesn't really happen all that often, I get excited when it does.  Even if what He's saying isn't something I want to hear about myself.  

For the past several weeks, I have been stressed.  Not just the average stay at home mom stressed, but severely stressed.  So stressed that I've needed breaks away from my children several times last week.  I have been so short-tempered and grouchy with them.  One day last week, I think it was Tuesday, I came back home after dropping Shaun off at school and cried for 30 minutes remembering the things we said to each other that morning.  Now, my oldest child is no picnic to be around in the mornings.  Mornings are rough for us.  He has some health issues that rear their ugly heads when he first wakes up.  He can be downright hateful and extremely hard to deal with.  I am used to this behavior and we're working with doctors trying to figure out how to fix it.  Up until recently, this stuff didn't bother me all that much.  But last week it did.  I had absolutely no patience with him.  I yelled.   I screamed.  I spanked.  We both said some awful things to each other.  We made up on the car ride to school and I prayed over him before he got out of the car, like I do every morning.  As soon as the car door shut, I began to cry.  I kind of held it together on the way home, but once inside the house I lost it. I cried for myself.  I cried for Shaun.  I cried for Jordan, who has to witness all this drama every single morning.  Then, for the first time, I really began to pray for God to give me what I needed to be a Godly mother to my children.  I want them to see Jesus in me and in the way I treat them.  He told me to read the books of Timothy.  I have tried to read Timothy before, but have never gotten very far.  Wow.  What a message from God.  The thing that stuck out the most is that, as a Christian, I should learn to control my tongue.  For the longest time, I always related that to gossip.  For the first time ever, I saw that controlling my tongue also means that I need to get a grip on my tone of voice and my words themselves when dealing with my children.  

So, I prayed and apologized to both Shaun and Jordan.  Told them I would try to do better.  The scripture I read stayed with me and I've been dwelling on it ever since.  I got to church this morning, and guess what the sermon was about?  Yep- controlling your tongue.  It was like God was shouting to me- "Listen to me, Erin.  I know what I'm talking about, and you REALLY need to listen to me.  You NEED to do this.  Your mouth is keeping you from having a perfect relationship with me".  It was a great sermon.  I'll have to make sure I get a CD so I can listen to it whenever I feel my old ways creeping back.  

My mouth has gotten me in trouble so many times.  I know it will take a lot to tame it.  But I'm gonna do it.  My mouth is standing between me and God right now, and I'm tired of it.  So I'm making a vow right now.  Tomorrow morning is going to be better.  At least for tomorrow, Satan is not going to win.