I'm having a pity party with myself tonight.
I'm getting over Viral Meningitis. Had to stay in the hospital and everything. I'll post a long, gory, blog entry about that later.
While I was in the hospital, with the most agonizing headache I've ever had, my doctor told me, "You'll probably go home with a headache. It may even last 6 weeks. We just need to get you to manage the pain so that you can go home".
So now I'm at home, "managing my pain" with narcotics. Actually, I'm at my parent's house. Because I can't do anything for myself as long as my head feels this way and I'm on this medicine. It stinks. I hate asking people for help. I always have. For two weeks now, I've had to depend on people to take care of me and my kids. While I just lay around, complaining. It stinks. I can't sleep at night. I can't sleep during the day because my head aches. I can't take care of my children because my medicine makes me dizzy and stumble around. I think I'm depressed, even though I'm now on depression medicine that also helps ease nerve pain. I hate being on medicine. I hate feeling doped up. I hate feeling like a burden to my family. I'm tired. I hurt. People, many people, have layed hands on my head and prayed for the pain to go. And its still here. It stinks.
I know I have so much to be thankful for: a family who loves me and takes care of me, a church family who loves me and prays for me and brings dinner to my family, the fact that I only had Viral Meningitis and not the more serious Bacterial kind. But I'm having mood swings and right now I'm feeling sorry for myself. I want to be home with Chris and the boys instead of in my old room at my parents house. I want my head to stop hurting!!!
So, since I can't sleep tonight, I'm having myself a little pity party.
I won't be offended if you don't want to join me.
2 comments:
Being sick is one of the QUICKEST ways to get depressed... I get you. I understand. Have a pity "picnic" but then jump out of the pit ASAP. Joyce Meyer did this teaching (P.S. She's not my favorite to 'watch', but I dig her in audio- I can focus better.) Any-way, it's a good teaching about depression- and I'm listening to it everytime my car engine starts.
Message me more about the anti-depressants. I'd be interested in hearing what the doc said about them.
ALSO- if you're on LORITAB, that's why you're not sleeping. I had to take something called IBUTAB, a combo of 600mg of Ibuprofin and 10 mg of Loritab. TALK-ABOUT-GEARED-UP. Hated it.
Don't feel like a burden - call if you need anything! We've got plenty of movies, books, and sermon CDs to help you pass any resting time. Zena's been through cancer and felt just like you did, after radiation and chemo, and it is a blessing to have so many praying and caring. A merry heart does like good medicine, so we watched a lot of comedies and thought of our dreams and goals to get us through. God will bring you through it, not just into it. One final thought: your family is KEY with this next generation of kids at Free Chapel. Our staff has you constantly in our thoughts and prayers.
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