And so, we've had a rough few weeks. Havoc has been wreaked on our household in the form of Violet. Seriously, how could such a little person cause such malfunction in the way we do things?
Several people told me that having a third child was no different than having a second. Umm. Well, no. At least, not in our case. I guess I was just a little out of practice. It has been six years since we've had a baby in the house, and my boys have spoiled me. They can take care of themselves! They fix their own breakfast, dress themselves, and they sleep at night! I really had forgotten how much little babies just don't sleep at night. In all honesty, I don't remember either one of my boys being "bad sleepers". Or maybe I could just function with less sleep way back then. Either way, the lack of sleep has definitely been getting to me.
Also, I may or may not be experiencing post post-partum depression. I can't really decide if I am or not...it depends on what day (or moment) I ask myself. It was really bad last weekend. I was so overwhelmed! And tired. Did I mention tired? The tiredness makes it worse! Violet hadn't slept in three nights and everything went crazy. The house was a mess, we were running around everywhere- so busy! And I shut down. I was a total crazy lady. So unreasonable. And sad. It didn't help matters when the Hubs offered to stay up with the baby and she slept all night for him. At one point, I actually told Chris that I just needed to go somewhere for a week. Anywhere! Because I wasn't cut out to be the mother of a baby again. And I couldn't handle the boys or Violet. She didn't even like me! Why else would she cry all night?
This was on Saturday. After my outburst, Chris said that it was time for me to come back to church. Even if I didn't want to go, he said I needed to go. Of course, I didn't want to go. So he presented me with a bribe. He'd stay up with the baby all night Saturday night if I'd bring her to church the next day. It was an offer I couldn't refuse, even though I definitely didn't feel like being around a ton of people and acting like everything was fine. But, I was desperate for sleep and willing to do anything to get it.
I was too exhausted to cook dinner that night, and nothing we had in the house was what I wanted, so we piled in the car to hit the drive through. Only I was being unreasonable again and couldn't decide what I wanted- so I wound up getting nothing. We came back home and realized that we only had 7 diapers in the house. It was after 9:00 and I knew 7 diapers wouldn't last until after church the next day. So I stormed out and drove to the Cleveland Wal-Mart, crying the whole way.
Let me tell you, I looked amazing. No make-up, huge black circles under my eyes, and sweats. Yes, I went out in public that way. I didn't think twice about it. After I had purchased the diapers, I realized I was starving. And the Cleveland Walmart has a Subway, and that bread was smelling so wonderful. I got in line with my huge box of size Newborn diapers. There was a couple in front of me. They were friendly. A little too friendly for me in my hormonal state, but nice enough. They took forever with their sandwiches! They wanted meatball subs, and there wasn't enough meatballs, so the Subway worker had to go get more, and some other weird things happened, and it just took forever. I really was about to fall asleep waiting in that line! I propped myself up on the box of diapers while I waited. Finally it was my turn to pay, and when I got my debit card out, the cashier told me that my food had been paid for. Well, that woke me up! I asked who had paid for it, and it was the couple in front of me. The cashier said they paid for my meal because I had to wait on them for so long. I don't know how I missed them having that conversation. Maybe I really did fall asleep for a little bit. Ha!
Thankfully, the couple had ordered for "here" and were eating their sandwiches at a nearby table. I went to thank them for their kindness with more tears in my eyes. That sweet lady had noticed my box of Newborn diapers and thought I needed some encouragement. How right she was, and she did encourage me a lot!
I couldn't find the words to tell this woman how much her act of kindness meant to me. I don't know if she had kids of her own or had any idea of the hard time I'd been having, but she reached out to me and it was just what I needed. My spirit was lifted and I had a new outlook on things. I'm so thankful for this sweet couple, and I don't even know their names. They could be angels for all I know... sent from Heaven to enjoy a meatball sub and encourage me.
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