Submission. It's been a problem of mine since I was a newly married eighteen year old. Almost 12 years later, it still gives me problems sometimes.
I've talked and written about my marital issues before. In all honesty, it hasn't been a great 12 years. Some of our "stuff" stemmed from situations that were out of our control and some of it was brought on by us ourselves. I have a problem with letting the past be the past. Some of you know that, after Shaun was born, Chris and I had major problems dealing with his situation. Or not dealing with it. We basically went our separate ways while living in the same house. This went on for years. I made all the decisions, because Chris just didn't. We were so far away from God, drowning from trying to do everything on our own.
Then, something happened. God sought after my husband (again!) and Chris finally submitted and committed to doing life the right way. God's way. I'll never forget it. He came to me, broken. Through tears, he apologized for not being the father and husband he should have been. For not being the spiritual leader of our house. And he promised things would be different. And they were. Except that my pride got in the way. You see, I had grown so accustomed to doing things on my own that I made it impossible for Chris to "take over". Never mind that handling things myself had turned into a huge train wreck... never mind that the way I took my husband's authority from him and ran with it wasn't Biblical. Just never mind all that.
Then our church began a women's Bible study. The first topic of discussion? The Proverbs 31 woman. Of course. Have you ever read Proverbs 31? This woman really worked my nerves. I mean, really? When I read about this woman all I could think was that I was the total opposite of her. She's not spiteful. She loves to knit and sew. She's an organized morning person. Her husband brags about how wonderful she is and her children are well-behaved. She wears fancy clothes and looks nice all the time and never has to worry about word vomit. She makes sure her family always looks nice, too. And my personal favorite, she treats her husband "generously" her whole life long.
I could not, for the life of me, think of a woman who was any more the opposite of the Proverbs 31 Woman than me.
Let's examine the evidence. (This was several years ago... I like to think that I've grown since then!) I had a tendency to be snarky and it was almost impossible for me to not have the last word during an argument. In other words, spiteful. I had no idea how to even hem my jeans, much less sew my own clothes. I had no control over Shaun (I was pregnant with Jordan at the time). Our home was chaotic... nothing in it's place. I would've rather been hit in the head with a hammer than wake up before the sun rose.
Proverbs 31:10 says it best... "A good woman is hard to find". I remember thinking..."If that's the definition of a good woman, no wonder they're hard to find!" Ha ha!
But the more I listened, the more I read and prayed, the more convicted I became. Not so much about all of the things I just listed, but because of verse 11...
"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it".
Ouch. That one stabbed me right in the heart. All the other stuff... the sewing, cleaning, early-rising, and organizing... it all all took a back seat to the fact that my husband had no reason whatsoever to trust me. How could he, when I cut him out of everything? When we discussed what to do about a certain situation and I turned around and did what I thought was best instead of what we agreed to do together? Slowly but surely I began to realize that in order to be respectful of God's authority over my life, I had to be respectful of my earthly authority... my husband. And that by taking away Chris' biblical right as the head of our household, I was being boldly disobedient to God's will.
This was so hard for an independent control freak like myself. Honestly, it still is. But I've learned that by letting go of that control and putting it where it belongs, things in life go much more smoothly.
I realize that I've been really blessed since I "stepped down". I do respect Chris' authority over me, but he's never taken advantage of it. He doesn't lord it over my head and have unreasonable expectations. He's never been one to expect me to be someone I'm not: a homebody, a wonderful housekeeper, someone who's content to stay home with the kids twenty-four hours a day. He respects my need to get out of the house. He realizes that I need time with my friends. He's never once been upset with me for not having dinner on the table when he comes home from work. And I, on the other hand, have accepted the fact that some things are my responsibility. Some of those things I really hate to do. I've had to accept my role as my husband's support system... praying for him, keeping the kids out of his hair so that he's able to minister, making sure that his clothes are clean on Sunday mornings... yucky things like that!
A classic case of give and take. Even when we disagree on things, we have always been able to come up with a compromise. I have never, ever been told by my husband that I wasn't "allowed" to do something. There have been many times when we haven't agreed. We're human, after all. Usually in those situations, Chris will say to me, "I really wish you wouldn't do that". And I respect his wishes, even if it made me mad enough to spit nails because he was being so unreasonable. Because he's my authority.
Those who know my husband know that he's pretty laid back. So imagine my surprise the other day when, in the middle of a heated discussion he informs me that I'm not allowed to do something. I bristled at first. "Really? Not allowed? What am I, 10 years old again?" But he was serious. And then he went on to say:
"Erin. You know me. You know I'd never be this firm if I didn't really believe it's best for us and the kids. I know that I've never had to flat out tell you no, but I'm telling you now".
Woah. Hard core, no? My pride and independence began to kick in. Who did he think he was? It's the 21st century after all, and woman don't have to take this anymore! Thankfully, before I shot back this retort (See? God really is working on me!), a peace settled over me. And that was that. I looked at my husband and said, simply, "Okay".
We were quiet for the rest of the car ride. I think he was in shock. And me? I was thinking to myself that it was actually kind of hot when he put his foot down like that. Yes. I actually thought that. I could also literally feel God smiling down on me, pleased that I was in his will, for once. It was nice to bask in the glow for awhile.
And there you go. How I came to realize that submission is not a 4-letter word after all.
I've talked and written about my marital issues before. In all honesty, it hasn't been a great 12 years. Some of our "stuff" stemmed from situations that were out of our control and some of it was brought on by us ourselves. I have a problem with letting the past be the past. Some of you know that, after Shaun was born, Chris and I had major problems dealing with his situation. Or not dealing with it. We basically went our separate ways while living in the same house. This went on for years. I made all the decisions, because Chris just didn't. We were so far away from God, drowning from trying to do everything on our own.
Then, something happened. God sought after my husband (again!) and Chris finally submitted and committed to doing life the right way. God's way. I'll never forget it. He came to me, broken. Through tears, he apologized for not being the father and husband he should have been. For not being the spiritual leader of our house. And he promised things would be different. And they were. Except that my pride got in the way. You see, I had grown so accustomed to doing things on my own that I made it impossible for Chris to "take over". Never mind that handling things myself had turned into a huge train wreck... never mind that the way I took my husband's authority from him and ran with it wasn't Biblical. Just never mind all that.
Then our church began a women's Bible study. The first topic of discussion? The Proverbs 31 woman. Of course. Have you ever read Proverbs 31? This woman really worked my nerves. I mean, really? When I read about this woman all I could think was that I was the total opposite of her. She's not spiteful. She loves to knit and sew. She's an organized morning person. Her husband brags about how wonderful she is and her children are well-behaved. She wears fancy clothes and looks nice all the time and never has to worry about word vomit. She makes sure her family always looks nice, too. And my personal favorite, she treats her husband "generously" her whole life long.
I could not, for the life of me, think of a woman who was any more the opposite of the Proverbs 31 Woman than me.
Let's examine the evidence. (This was several years ago... I like to think that I've grown since then!) I had a tendency to be snarky and it was almost impossible for me to not have the last word during an argument. In other words, spiteful. I had no idea how to even hem my jeans, much less sew my own clothes. I had no control over Shaun (I was pregnant with Jordan at the time). Our home was chaotic... nothing in it's place. I would've rather been hit in the head with a hammer than wake up before the sun rose.
Proverbs 31:10 says it best... "A good woman is hard to find". I remember thinking..."If that's the definition of a good woman, no wonder they're hard to find!" Ha ha!
But the more I listened, the more I read and prayed, the more convicted I became. Not so much about all of the things I just listed, but because of verse 11...
"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it".
Ouch. That one stabbed me right in the heart. All the other stuff... the sewing, cleaning, early-rising, and organizing... it all all took a back seat to the fact that my husband had no reason whatsoever to trust me. How could he, when I cut him out of everything? When we discussed what to do about a certain situation and I turned around and did what I thought was best instead of what we agreed to do together? Slowly but surely I began to realize that in order to be respectful of God's authority over my life, I had to be respectful of my earthly authority... my husband. And that by taking away Chris' biblical right as the head of our household, I was being boldly disobedient to God's will.
This was so hard for an independent control freak like myself. Honestly, it still is. But I've learned that by letting go of that control and putting it where it belongs, things in life go much more smoothly.
I realize that I've been really blessed since I "stepped down". I do respect Chris' authority over me, but he's never taken advantage of it. He doesn't lord it over my head and have unreasonable expectations. He's never been one to expect me to be someone I'm not: a homebody, a wonderful housekeeper, someone who's content to stay home with the kids twenty-four hours a day. He respects my need to get out of the house. He realizes that I need time with my friends. He's never once been upset with me for not having dinner on the table when he comes home from work. And I, on the other hand, have accepted the fact that some things are my responsibility. Some of those things I really hate to do. I've had to accept my role as my husband's support system... praying for him, keeping the kids out of his hair so that he's able to minister, making sure that his clothes are clean on Sunday mornings... yucky things like that!
A classic case of give and take. Even when we disagree on things, we have always been able to come up with a compromise. I have never, ever been told by my husband that I wasn't "allowed" to do something. There have been many times when we haven't agreed. We're human, after all. Usually in those situations, Chris will say to me, "I really wish you wouldn't do that". And I respect his wishes, even if it made me mad enough to spit nails because he was being so unreasonable. Because he's my authority.
Those who know my husband know that he's pretty laid back. So imagine my surprise the other day when, in the middle of a heated discussion he informs me that I'm not allowed to do something. I bristled at first. "Really? Not allowed? What am I, 10 years old again?" But he was serious. And then he went on to say:
"Erin. You know me. You know I'd never be this firm if I didn't really believe it's best for us and the kids. I know that I've never had to flat out tell you no, but I'm telling you now".
Woah. Hard core, no? My pride and independence began to kick in. Who did he think he was? It's the 21st century after all, and woman don't have to take this anymore! Thankfully, before I shot back this retort (See? God really is working on me!), a peace settled over me. And that was that. I looked at my husband and said, simply, "Okay".
We were quiet for the rest of the car ride. I think he was in shock. And me? I was thinking to myself that it was actually kind of hot when he put his foot down like that. Yes. I actually thought that. I could also literally feel God smiling down on me, pleased that I was in his will, for once. It was nice to bask in the glow for awhile.
And there you go. How I came to realize that submission is not a 4-letter word after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment