I actually started this post a few weeks ago, but it kind of stalled. I finally felt like finishing it today...it's a work-in-progress, but I felt led to share, for whatever reason.
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Today was co-op day. I was in the nursery with all of the other moms who have babies. We were chatting. I was, honestly, half-heartedly involved in the conversation because my brain was pondering. I nodded in all the right places and added, "mmmhmmms" when they were appropriate. Suddenly one of the moms threw the subject for a curve and declared exuberantly, "I don't know if any of you guys are experiencing this, but God is moving so mightily in so many people's lives. I mean, like, eight of my friends are just having all of these breakthroughs and miracles and God is speaking to them. It's great!"
*************
Today was co-op day. I was in the nursery with all of the other moms who have babies. We were chatting. I was, honestly, half-heartedly involved in the conversation because my brain was pondering. I nodded in all the right places and added, "mmmhmmms" when they were appropriate. Suddenly one of the moms threw the subject for a curve and declared exuberantly, "I don't know if any of you guys are experiencing this, but God is moving so mightily in so many people's lives. I mean, like, eight of my friends are just having all of these breakthroughs and miracles and God is speaking to them. It's great!"
I kept quiet because I just didn't have anything to say to that. Not that I'm not glad that there are people out there who are getting their miracles and living out their harvests, but...that's just not where we are right now. I didn't want to be all sour grapes and burst this sweet girl's bubble, so I kept my mouth shut.
Then the girl beside me said, "That's so awesome for them. Not really happening in my life, though."
Well, that made me laugh out loud. "My thoughts exactly," I said. Only I wasn't gutsy enough to say so!
And then there was this awkward silence where everyone stared at us.
Seriously, I think I even heard a few crickets.
I felt a connection with this mom who's feelings mirrored mine that day. We're both going through stuff. I've been praying for her ever since. And, most of all, I'm so glad that she was brave enough to voice her thoughts. We shouldn't be afraid to share when we're in a "desert", but most of the time we are afraid. I know I am. Opening ourselves up and voicing our issues out into the open makes us so vulnerable. And honestly, when I'm in a dry place (spiritually, physically, financially, whatever) it's hard for me to listen to folks who are prospering. Not that I'm not happy for them. Not that I want everyone to be struggling right alongside of me. I suppose hearing about breakthroughs and miracles should encourage me and tell me that my time is coming. Sometimes it does, but lately it just discourages me more.
I'm a pretty private person, but maybe I don't need to be quite so private. Just something that I feel like God's been whispering to me lately.
I came across this verse back in December and I've been chanting to myself ever since.
Psalm 6:6-10 from The Message
"I'm tired of all this- So tired. My bed
has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.
Get out of here, you Devil's crew:
at last God has heard my sobs.
My requests have all been granted,
my prayers are answered.
Cowards, my enemies disappear.
Disgraced, they turn tail and run."
This verse is so dramatic!
But I can relate. Yes, I've been crying a lot lately. I'm surprised my bed hasn't floated away on the flood of my tears. (Oh, how I love The Message!) Something about the melancholy flair of this verse spoke directly to my heart and I realized, once again, that:
Yes! God knows. He knows when I cry about the big stuff. He even knows when I cry about the petty things, too. He does. And He cares. He doesn't see even one of my "tear-jerkers" as silly or unimportant. He understands my need to be a little dramatic. He knows I'm emotional. After all, He created me this way. He cares about what bothers me the way any loving parent does.
I recently re-read this verse on a particularly hard day and my pillow was, literally, wet with tears. I started laughing out loud at the "floating mattress" part. Then, I made it to the end.
"At last God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted. My prayers are answered."
Amen.
What a promise!
I'm going to go ahead and say it now...I really cannot wait until my prayers are answered! I have a feeling that what's coming for us is exciting and wonderful and I can't wait to celebrate and give God every ounce of the praise He deserves. This verse picks me up, even while I'm still waiting on whatever's in store for my family, and reminds me that I need to be praising Him now, even while He's still working everything out.
Saying that sometimes this is more easier than others is an understatement. I know. But hang on, friends. Keep praying. Keep praising God for what He's doing right now, behind the scenes.
I have this theory that one day when I'm in Heaven God will show me what He was actually doing when it seemed like He was doing nothing down here. And we'll laugh together about the crazy, dramatic, tear-filled antics of my days on Earth. Then I'll thank Him for what He did over and over again.
It'll be THAT good.
Well, that made me laugh out loud. "My thoughts exactly," I said. Only I wasn't gutsy enough to say so!
And then there was this awkward silence where everyone stared at us.
Seriously, I think I even heard a few crickets.
I felt a connection with this mom who's feelings mirrored mine that day. We're both going through stuff. I've been praying for her ever since. And, most of all, I'm so glad that she was brave enough to voice her thoughts. We shouldn't be afraid to share when we're in a "desert", but most of the time we are afraid. I know I am. Opening ourselves up and voicing our issues out into the open makes us so vulnerable. And honestly, when I'm in a dry place (spiritually, physically, financially, whatever) it's hard for me to listen to folks who are prospering. Not that I'm not happy for them. Not that I want everyone to be struggling right alongside of me. I suppose hearing about breakthroughs and miracles should encourage me and tell me that my time is coming. Sometimes it does, but lately it just discourages me more.
I'm a pretty private person, but maybe I don't need to be quite so private. Just something that I feel like God's been whispering to me lately.
I came across this verse back in December and I've been chanting to myself ever since.
Psalm 6:6-10 from The Message
"I'm tired of all this- So tired. My bed
has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.
Get out of here, you Devil's crew:
at last God has heard my sobs.
My requests have all been granted,
my prayers are answered.
Cowards, my enemies disappear.
Disgraced, they turn tail and run."
This verse is so dramatic!
But I can relate. Yes, I've been crying a lot lately. I'm surprised my bed hasn't floated away on the flood of my tears. (Oh, how I love The Message!) Something about the melancholy flair of this verse spoke directly to my heart and I realized, once again, that:
Yes! God knows. He knows when I cry about the big stuff. He even knows when I cry about the petty things, too. He does. And He cares. He doesn't see even one of my "tear-jerkers" as silly or unimportant. He understands my need to be a little dramatic. He knows I'm emotional. After all, He created me this way. He cares about what bothers me the way any loving parent does.
I recently re-read this verse on a particularly hard day and my pillow was, literally, wet with tears. I started laughing out loud at the "floating mattress" part. Then, I made it to the end.
"At last God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted. My prayers are answered."
Amen.
What a promise!
I'm going to go ahead and say it now...I really cannot wait until my prayers are answered! I have a feeling that what's coming for us is exciting and wonderful and I can't wait to celebrate and give God every ounce of the praise He deserves. This verse picks me up, even while I'm still waiting on whatever's in store for my family, and reminds me that I need to be praising Him now, even while He's still working everything out.
Saying that sometimes this is more easier than others is an understatement. I know. But hang on, friends. Keep praying. Keep praising God for what He's doing right now, behind the scenes.
I have this theory that one day when I'm in Heaven God will show me what He was actually doing when it seemed like He was doing nothing down here. And we'll laugh together about the crazy, dramatic, tear-filled antics of my days on Earth. Then I'll thank Him for what He did over and over again.
It'll be THAT good.
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