Our Crazy Life

So...if you've known me for any time at all, you know that one word that describes my family is "B U S Y".  

We.  Are.  So.  Busy.

Have been for years, and I've always liked it that way.  We all have tough schedules.  All five of us have commitments, work, practices, etc.  I have always taken pride in succeeding in the great balancing act of getting everyone where they needed to go.  Of course, we couldn't have done it without the help of my parents... they help out a LOT, shuttling my kids to dance class, dinners, track practices, and much much more.  

Don't get me wrong.  I love watching my kids do what they love.  But lately, over the past year, it's been so much.  So stressful.  I'm not sure if I'm getting older or what, but my anxiety began showing itself on a daily basis about a year ago, and it's getting worse.  This current school year's activities have been more than we've ever had to deal with before.  It started with Jordan playing middle school football, I think, and just sort of escalated.  Practice every day, all through the summer.  Chris was awarded the opportunity to coach his team, which we love, but it adds to it all! Then came basketball and now baseball.  Same for Shaun, plus he began getting getting very active in Special Olympics.  Violet dances and just started soccer last week.  Which Chris is also coaching, by the way.  I'm trying to school the kids, work when I can, and get everyone where they need be, which is sometimes three kids in three different places at the same time.  Again, enter my parents.  We really couldn't do it without them.  

It's getting to me.  I'm tired.  Stressed.  I never really understood anxiety until I wound up at the doctor's office a few years ago, thinking that I was having a heart attack.  My heart was fine, I was just having anxiety.  Yes, I'm on medication.  And lots of essential oils.  It worked for awhile, now I'm not sure what's up.  I knew I really had a problem a few weeks ago when I was paralyzed with fear in the parking lot at Dinger's.  That's a batting cage, in case you're wondering.  Jordan had baseball practice and the parking lot was so busy.  I literally could NOT back of my parking space to leave because I was afraid I'd hit someone.  Crazy and embarrassing.  I had to wait 20 minutes until the parking lot cleared out, and then I was late to work.  

There have been other things to, but that's the funniest one.  

So, what gives?  Something has to give.  Remember my last post?  I'm supposed to be strong and dignified.  There's nothing strong or dignified about cowering in a minivan in the parking lot of Dinger's while my kids roll their eyes.  Just seeing that sentence typed out is ridiculous. 

I know that this is not the way to live, so I'm actively praying and considering everything in my life... things to let go, things to keep on.  I haven't had any clear answers yet.  In the meantime, I'll go to another counseling appointment and keep repeating Psalm 94:13 to myself:

"God gives me the power to keep myself calm in the days of adversity, until the pit of corruption is dug for the wicked."

I'd appreciate your prayers...and any advice on dealing with this beast called anxiety. 

 

Proverbs 31:25

Well, I'd like to say that I plan to start writing again, but I probably won't.  I miss it, I enjoy it, I just don't have the time for it.  I am going to start making more of an effort, though, because it's so therapeutic for me.

It's a new year.  2018 was something else. We have had our share of ups and downs before, but this past year was a doozy that left our heads spinning.  Lots of mountaintops and also lots of deep, dark valleys.  

It seems like Chris and I would go from exhilarated to the depths of despair several times in just one week.... for the whole year.  I was tired of the struggle and just not feeling it on January 31st.  

Then, I received a Facebook message from a friend of mine.  Not a close friend, as in someone I talk to often, as our paths rarely cross.  We didn't even have each other's phone numbers.  But she messaged me and said that she'd had a dream about me and that she'd like to tell me about it.  And that she knew that she sounded crazy.  Ha!

I called her and she proceeded to tell me about this dream.  Jackie, if you're reading this and I'm messing up your dream, I'm sorry!  This is just what I remember.  

The dream:

I was in the middle of a field of wild flowers.  I was dancing.  The Lord's hand was reaching down to me from the sky and twirling me around.  I was laughing and joyful.  And, (this is my favorite part) I was barefoot, but my feet were wrapped up in some kind of material.  As the Lord spun me around, the bindings were unraveling off my feet.  As all this as happening, Proverbs 31:25 made itself known:

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

My friend then began to tell me the things the Lord had revealed to her about my life.  Things like:  the things that are binding me will be falling away, I will get my joy back, and I will not be afraid of what's going to happen in the future any more.  That God loves me, that He has a purpose for me, and that I'm about to start living out that purpose.  

I really didn't know what to say.  So I cried, of course.  

I cried even harder when I realized that my mom had given me a necklace with that same scripture on it for Christmas just a few days before.  

Needless to say, Proverbs 31:25 will be my verse this year.  I don't really see myself as strong or dignified...yet.  But with God's help, I will become both of those things.  And I will laugh without fear of the future.  

Sometimes I have to strain to hear God's voice.  I'm thankful for other times, like these, when He's loud and proud and there's no way I can mistake what He's trying to tell me.  

And to my sweet friend Jackie.... thank you for sharing your heart with me.  I needed it.  

The Past Two Weeks

The past two weeks have been a blur.  As far as the weight loss goes, I made it down to 10 pounds lost.  Yay.  Then, I gained three pounds back.  Boo.  I'm still there.   Double boo.  

I'm on track again.  Sigh.  Here's what I've had today:  

Breakfast:  turkey bacon and tomato wrapped in Romain lettuce with a little veggie cream cheese.  So delicious.

Lunch:  I had to run errands today and we were out during lunch.  We stopped at Papa's Pizza.  I had the salad bar and the toppings from 3 smallish slices of pizza.  

Snack:  broccoli, cherry tomatoes, green pepper, cucumber and a few slices of pepperoni dipped in veggie cream cheese.  

For dinner, I'll probably have another salad.  I bought a TON of Romain lettuce from Sam's last week and we're down to the last "heart".  Isn't that what they're called?  We need to use it before it spoils.  

I really need to step it up with my water.  It's been so cold that it's hard to get it all in.  I'm ready for spring.  

In other news, we got a dog.  This is Max:

Excuse the blurriness.  My phone takes awful pictures, but isn't he the cutest?  He's a Bichon Frise, which I had never heard of before, but all of the ladies at the Bark Park new exactly what he was and went on and on about what great dogs Bichons are.  So far, I agree with him.  He's six years old and hypoallergenic.  He's pretty chill most of the time, unless someone opens the front door, then he's out of here!  He has escaped 4 times.  Augh!  Other than that, he's the perfect dog for us.  

In some more other news, sickness is running rampant everywhere.  I think I had the flu this week.  I never had a fever, but apparently that doesn't matter.  I suffered through a few days by taking Advil round the clock and and doing what I had to do.  By Monday, Advil wouldn't touch my aches and my cough was terrible.  I'm feeling much better now, just need to get rid of this cough.  

I'm so ready for spring.  Too bad the groundhog saw his shadow today.  

- 8.4 and Chicken Salad

That's right.  I've lost 8.4 pounds in about 2 weeks.  It will be 2 weeks tomorrow, and I weighed yesterday, so I'm going to go ahead and call it.  8.4!

I've cheated several times, but I've also eaten a lot of veggies and drank a ton of water.  Over all, a success.  I haven't had anything un-Keto since Monday, and I feel great.  I have found myself wanting sweets just a few times, and when I do, I have my gummy vitamins or a taste of peanut butter.  

I made a delicious chicken salad the other day.  I was trying to copy the Sassy Scottie from Chicken Salad Chick.  Mine wasn't nearly as good, but I didn't have all of the ingredients I needed.  Plus, my cooking skills are not that great.  

Here's what I did:

I cooked 4 chicken breasts in the Crock-Pot seasoned with salt, pepper, and paprika.  When it was tender, I shredded it and added a little mayo, a little sour cream, a little ranch, red onion, celery and garlic.  I didn't have any sharp cheddar cheese or bacon.  :(

The result?  A pretty good chicken salad that we've been eating on for the past few days.  I paired it with green beans, celery, green peppers, whatever veggies I have nearby.    I'll probably try another recipe tomorrow.  I love chicken salad, tuna salad, Garden salad, Cobb salad.... I love salad.  

This week, I plan to experiment with cauliflower.  I want to try a loaded cauliflower mash and a cauliflower mac and cheese.  

Have a good week, everyone!

Keto, Day 12

Day 12, and I still weigh the same as the last time I posted.  I would be upset, but I took a few more days off.  I ate horribly over the weekend, then I ate chips and dip and a slice of pizza and some brownies at my sister's house when we watched the college football championship game.  What a heartbreaker that was!  Anyway, I got back on track on Tuesday and I'm just glad that I didn't gain anything.  

I did go to the movies with Jordan last Friday and said NO to the popcorn, which is my favorite.  That's a positive, but then I just turned around and blew it over the rest of the weekend.  Why?  WHY?!?!

Is Overeaters Anonymous a real thing around here?  Maybe I need to go.  

Keto, Morning of Day 5

Okay.  I have done really, really well this week.  I turned down birthday cake and Cheeze Its at church and everything.  I weighed in yesterday and my total weight loss was 5.8 pounds.  Yes, I still know that it's probably just water, but...my stomach seemed smaller and my jeans started falling off again.  They were a perfect fit after Christmas, so SOMETHING is happening.  Plus, I was feeling so much better, after only a few days.  No more stomach issues, more energy, etc.  

I was thrilled with my results and was so proud of myself. 

But, BUT.  There's always a but.

I was having a stressful morning with the kids yesterday and it was Thursday, which is grocery day, so we had to go out for lunch.  Our usual go-to is Papa's Pizza.  When I'm eating right, I just order the salad bar and it's enough.  But not yesterday.  I convinced myself that I deserved a slice of my favorite pizza, which is pineapple and banana pepper on pan crust.  I had 2 slices and a Diet Mountain Dew.  I went to the grocery store and bought Keto friendly, delicious food for my family, then went to work at 6:00.  I found those little cheese crisp things at Kroger, which I had for my snack at work, instead of the Cheeze It's that we gave the kids.  Then I came home, and was so frustrated.  The kids were crabby, it was SO cold outside, my husband had to work late.  I came home and had a cheese sandwich for dinner.  At 10:00 at night.  Then a bowl of Violet's "berry" flavored cereal with milk.  It's organic, but still full of sugar.  

I felt miserable last night.  Bloated.  Stomach cramps.  And so dehydrated!  It's just not worth it.  

The really frustrating thing is that I had plenty of the right food to choose from last night.  I wasn't even that hungry.  I should have had some cucumber slices with a little ranch dip and went to sleep.  

I had gained 3 pounds this morning.  I knew it before I even stepped on the scale.  I don't know why I sabotage myself this way.  I have mixed emotions about weighing myself so often.  On the one hand, it keeps me accountable.  On the other, I see every success and an excuse for a treat, and that's  not good. 


So, it's a new day.  It's 11:22 am.  I'm just now getting hungry, so I'm about to make a Greek salad for lunch.  I have buffalo chicken dip in the crock pot for dinner, which we will eat on a salad or with some celery.  I'm going to the movies with Jordan later, and I'll take my cheese crisp things to crunch on instead of popcorn.  And I probably will not weigh myself again until Monday.  

Keto, Day 2

Not much to report today, except that I lost over two pounds.  I know that it's just water weight, but at least I wasn't up two pounds.  

Today I've eaten:

Salad with fresh spinach, a few slices of salami, bell peppers, and ranch dressing.  

String cheese and salami

Hamburger steak with slaw. 

Cheese

This is too much cheese and I need to not eat so much salami, but I'm pretty pleased with this.

I went back to the gym, today.  After I finished the elliptical, I couldn't breathe!  I was fine for the 30 minutes I was on it, not sure what happened when I got off.  I literally couldn't breathe.... everything was going black.  I had gotten Violet out to the car when it got really  bad and I thought I was going to have to go back inside and bed the YMCA employees to help.  I made it home with God's help and took a few drags of my inhaler.  Feeling much better now, just tired and perplexed.  This has never happened to me before.  Ever.  I won't make the mistake of leaving my inhaler at home again.