So...if you've known me for any time at all, you know that one word that describes my family is "B U S Y".
We. Are. So. Busy.
Have been for years, and I've always liked it that way. We all have tough schedules. All five of us have commitments, work, practices, etc. I have always taken pride in succeeding in the great balancing act of getting everyone where they needed to go. Of course, we couldn't have done it without the help of my parents... they help out a LOT, shuttling my kids to dance class, dinners, track practices, and much much more.
Don't get me wrong. I love watching my kids do what they love. But lately, over the past year, it's been so much. So stressful. I'm not sure if I'm getting older or what, but my anxiety began showing itself on a daily basis about a year ago, and it's getting worse. This current school year's activities have been more than we've ever had to deal with before. It started with Jordan playing middle school football, I think, and just sort of escalated. Practice every day, all through the summer. Chris was awarded the opportunity to coach his team, which we love, but it adds to it all! Then came basketball and now baseball. Same for Shaun, plus he began getting getting very active in Special Olympics. Violet dances and just started soccer last week. Which Chris is also coaching, by the way. I'm trying to school the kids, work when I can, and get everyone where they need be, which is sometimes three kids in three different places at the same time. Again, enter my parents. We really couldn't do it without them.
It's getting to me. I'm tired. Stressed. I never really understood anxiety until I wound up at the doctor's office a few years ago, thinking that I was having a heart attack. My heart was fine, I was just having anxiety. Yes, I'm on medication. And lots of essential oils. It worked for awhile, now I'm not sure what's up. I knew I really had a problem a few weeks ago when I was paralyzed with fear in the parking lot at Dinger's. That's a batting cage, in case you're wondering. Jordan had baseball practice and the parking lot was so busy. I literally could NOT back of my parking space to leave because I was afraid I'd hit someone. Crazy and embarrassing. I had to wait 20 minutes until the parking lot cleared out, and then I was late to work.
There have been other things to, but that's the funniest one.
So, what gives? Something has to give. Remember my last post? I'm supposed to be strong and dignified. There's nothing strong or dignified about cowering in a minivan in the parking lot of Dinger's while my kids roll their eyes. Just seeing that sentence typed out is ridiculous.
I know that this is not the way to live, so I'm actively praying and considering everything in my life... things to let go, things to keep on. I haven't had any clear answers yet. In the meantime, I'll go to another counseling appointment and keep repeating Psalm 94:13 to myself:
"God gives me the power to keep myself calm in the days of adversity, until the pit of corruption is dug for the wicked."
I'd appreciate your prayers...and any advice on dealing with this beast called anxiety.
